How To Feel Less Enraged And Hopeless When You Consume The News | Sharon McMahon

Most, if not all, of us are experiencing a cocktail of challenging emotions these days - whether in the background or in the foreground of our psyche. Speaking personally, I thought my primary issue was anxiety, but I had a vague sense that maybe it was more than that. Then I read an excellent, widely-circulated article that put a name to at least one aspect of my nameless, miasmatic dread. The article was from the Harvard Business Review, and the headline was, "That Discomfort You're Feeling is Grief." The article featured an interview with a grief expert named David Kessler, who explained that there are many flavors of grief. Some of us are grieving people we've lost, but millions more are grieving a way of life or a sense of security that seems lost - or we're experiencing anticipatory grief about an uncertain future. Not only was it helpful for Kessler to name this phenomenon, but he also had a bunch of excellent thoughts about how to manage it, including the exhortation to find meaning in this mess. In fact, that's the name of his new book: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. So we invited him on. Here he is: David Kessler. Where to find David Kessler online: Website: https://grief.com/ Social Media: Twitter: @IamDavidKessler / https://twitter.com/iamdavidkessler Instagram: @iamdavidkessler / https://www.instagram.com/iamdavidkessler/ Facebook: David Kessler / https://www.facebook.com/IamDavidKessler/ Books Mentioned: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief / https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Meaning-Sixth-Stage-Grief/dp/1501192736 On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss / https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through/dp/0743266293 Other Resources Mentioned: David's Online Grief Group / https://www.facebook.com/groups/DavidKessler David's Harvard Business Review Article / https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief Paul Denniston & Grief Yoga / https://griefyoga.com/ Bessel van der Kolk / https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/ Elizabeth Kubler Ross / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_K%C3%BCbler-Ross Elizabeth Kubler Ross Foundation / https://www.ekrfoundation.org/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/david-kessler-240

20 Apr 202043min

It's easy to add insult to injury in this pandemic by beating ourselves up. Why are we not exercising more? Eating less? Or boosting our productivity? Kristin Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin, says we need to give ourselves a break. To be clear, that does not mean relinquishing our high standards. Neff is one of - if not the - world’s leading experts on self-compassion. That's a squishy-sounding term, but there is a lot of hard-nosed evidence behind it. Per Neff, not beating yourself up does not equate to being lazy. It's about knowing the difference between healthy perfectionism and maladaptive perfectionism. It's about going easy without going soft. The smart, sparing use of the inner cattle prod. This was exactly the conversation I needed to have right now. Where to find Kristin Neff online: Website: https://self-compassion.org/ Social Media: Twitter: @self_compassion / https://twitter.com/self_compassion Facebook: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. / https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion Other Resources Mentioned: Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems / https://ifs-institute.com/ Evelyn Tribole, Intuitive Eating / https://www.evelyntribole.com/ Chris Germer / https://chrisgermer.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-239

15 Apr 20201h 3min

Our guest this week gives a bracingly candid account of loneliness - one made all the more remarkable by the fact that he is a former surgeon general. Even before the current coronavirus pandemic, we were in the midst of another, quieter pandemic: loneliness. The term sounds somewhat unpleasant, but make no mistake: loneliness is, in fact, a deeply pernicious and insidious state, both psychologically and physiologically. And now, with all the social distancing we're doing, the loneliness problem is on steroids. This problem touches those not only people who live alone, but also those of us who may be surrounded by family. Loneliness doesn't require you to be alone. As you will hear, it's more about the quality of your relationships. Our guest, Dr. Vivek Murthy is, as mentioned, the former surgeon general. He has just published a book about loneliness, called "Together." We're doing this episode in a bit of a different way. We actually interviewed Vivek twice. The first time I spoke to him was right before the pandemic truly took off in the U.S.. He gave an incredible interview that we were excited to post. But then things really went haywire with the virus, so we wanted to have him on to talk about that. So we'll do this episode in two parts. First, you'll hear the newer interview - which is more topical. Then you'll hear the earlier interview, where he goes into greater depth. Where to find Dr. Vivek Murthy online: Website: https://www.vivekmurthy.com/ Book: https://www.vivekmurthy.com/together-book Social Media: Twitter: https://twitter.com/vivek_murthy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrVivekMurthy/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drvivekmurthy Other Resources Mentioned: RULER at YALE http://ei.yale.edu/ruler/ruler-overview/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/vivek-murthy-238

13 Apr 20201h 27min

Even in the middle of a pandemic, it's still OK to experience delight. That's per legendary meditation teacher, Sylvia Boostein. In fact, she says, moments of happiness can fortify you to deal with the difficulties we are all facing. In other words, joy is a necessity, not a luxury right now. That is just one of many wisdom bombs Boorstein drops in this conversation. We also discuss how to cultivate "inner cordiality" and the quality of mind that has become her "savior" in these dark days. Boorstein is a genuine contemplative O.G., part of the vanguard of teachers who introduced mindfulness into the American mainstream. She is still going strong in her mid-eighties, after having lived a colorful life. Not only is she one of America's most respected teachers, but she is also a psychotherapist, peace activist, and grandmother. As you'll hear, when she is not meditating, she is a gifted storyteller. She self-deprecatingly refers to it as "boundless talk-aremia," but I suspect that, for you, listening to Sylvia will, in itself, be a source of delight. Where to find Sylvia Boorstein online: Website: http://www.sylviaboorstein.com/ Social Media: Twitter: @SylviaBoorstein https://twitter.com/sylviaboorstein Facebook: Sylvia Boorstein - https://www.facebook.com/sylviaboorstein/ Book Mentioned: Pay Attention, for Goodness' Sake by Sylvia Boorstein - http://www.sylviaboorstein.com/books Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sylvia-boorstein-237 Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care

8 Apr 20201h 7min

The coronavirus outbreak may pose one of the greatest challenges to romantic relationships in modern memory. For those of us living in close quarters with spouses or partners, how do we live our day to day without resorting to hollering, stony silence, or violations of local and federal statutes? For those of us living alone, what are the rules around online dating? Esther Perel is on the front lines of this battle. She is a renowned psychotherapist who continues to do couples counseling even as the pandemic rages. Much of this work can be heard on her popular podcast Where Should We Begin? She’s also the author of the awesomely-entitled, bestselling book Mating in Captivity. In this episode, we cover the benefits of sex (even if you’re not in the mood), humor, and a specific kind of "thank you." She also holds forth on anticipatory grief and a concept I found particularly compelling: "ambiguous loss." Where to find Esther Perel online: Website: https://www.estherperel.com/ Podcast: https://whereshouldwebegin.estherperel.com/ Podcast: https://howswork.estherperel.com/ Upcoming Live Broadcasts with Esther: "The Art of Us: Love, Loss, and Loneliness Under Lockdown” - https://events.estherperel.com/april-2020-webinar/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/EstherPerel Other Resources Mentioned: Tanya Selvaratman: Where Can Domestic Violence Victims Turn During COVID-19? https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/23/opinion/covid-domestic-violence.html Pauline Boss - Ambiguous Loss - https://www.ambiguousloss.com/ John Gottman - The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.com/ Megan Flemming - https://greatlifegreatsex.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Show Notes: https://tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/esther-perel-236

6 Apr 20201h 12min

A statement of the blazingly obvious: we are living in stressful times. A statement of the slightly less obvious: meditation, while not a panacea, can help. In this episode, we're bringing you one of the western world's greatest living meditation masters: Joseph Goldstein. I'm biased, of course, because he is my meditation teacher. I have known him for many years, and he has had an incalculably positive impact on my life. In fact, he has already come to my rescue once during this pandemic, at a moment when I was personally struggling. And now, I'm excited to unleash him on all of you. In this chat, he lays out a meditative toolkit for navigating the current crisis. His advice is actionable for absolute beginners as well as longtime meditators. Towards the end of the conversation, he proposes one approach that some of you may find deeply challenging, but I find to be extremely compelling. Plug Zone: Insight Meditation Society: https://www.dharma.org/teacher/joseph-goldstein/ Joseph Goldstein Courses & Meditations on the Ten Percent Happier App: https://10percenthappier.app.link/x9Q0TCy36Z Joseph Goldstein Books: https://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Goldstein/e/B00DPSACUW Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Show Notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/joseph-goldstein-235

1 Apr 20201h 11min

So many of us have people in our lives who we feel are not taking this pandemic seriously enough. How do we handle them? Yell, lecture, call them out on Twitter? What about flooding them with articles? Or is there a saner course of action that is likely to be more effective? In this episode, we have two experts in ethics to sort through this and other ethical dilemmas in the age of COVID. JoAnna Hardy is a meditation teacher with a special interest Buddhist ethics. Greg Epstein is the humanist chaplain at Harvard and MIT. Issues we tackle include: Is it ever ok to break social distancing? What are the ethical implications of moving your family out of the city to the country? And, what about stocking up on toilet paper? Episode Resources: JoAnna Hardy: https://www.joannahardy.org/ JoAnna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joannahardy65/ Greg Epstein: https://chaplains.harvard.edu/people/greg-epstein Greg on Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregmepstein Full Episode Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/joanna-hardy-greg-epstein-234 Ten Percent Happier Live: Website: www.tenpercent.com/live In the Ten Percent Happier App: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TenPercentHappierLIVE YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb3AWCFuxotrXmgqUHQdwyg

27 Mars 20201h

If, given the deeply suboptimal circumstances in which we find ourselves right now, you are cycling through anxiety, depression, anger, and apathy, I suspect this conversation with legendary meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg may elevate your mood. It certainly worked for me. I was in a little bit of a dark place when I hopped on the line with her- stuck in a story about how this pandemic is a waking nightmare with no expiration date. But there is something powerful about talking to someone who has spent 50 years dedicated to meditation and Buddhism. She provides a reframing, a dose of perspective, and practical, science-backed skills. Plus, like many of the best meditation teachers, she is quite funny. Enjoy. Full Show Notes: http://tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sharon-salzberg-232 Sharon Salzberg's Resources: Website: https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/ Books: https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/books-audio/ Podcast: https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/metta-hour-podcast/ Ten Percent Happier LIVE: Website: www.tenpercent.com/live In the Ten Percent Happier App: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TenPercentHappierLIVE YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb3AWCFuxotrXmgqUHQdwyg

25 Mars 202059min