Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)

On this episode of Movie Torture, Brad, Jacob and MTD attempt to review Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, but instead spend most of the episode debating who’s hotter (Lucy Liu vs. Cameron Diaz), planning MTD’s funeral, and figuring out who inherits the Hopecast Network when Brad inevitably dies mid-podcast.

Before the movie even gets going, Jacob celebrates his 85th episode milestone while Brad reminds him that his job security is entirely based on pretending Jacob is the funniest person on the show. Meanwhile, MTD continues his role as the mysterious, silent, possibly imaginary overlord of the podcast, but with worse communication skills and a tendency to ignore texts.

Eventually, they remember there’s a movie.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle is described as a film where Hollywood gathered every famous person from the early 2000s, paid them millions of dollars, and then forgot to write a coherent plot. Instead, the movie focuses on three “agents” whose primary mission appears to be fighting crime while wearing increasingly impractical outfits and defying every known law of physics.

Highlights include:

1. A Mongolian bar fight that looks like it was filmed in 1845 but somehow includes a mechanical bull
2. A helicopter that gets started mid-air while free-falling (a moment Brad compares to Kobe Bryant)
3. Drew Barrymore sliding across tables without moving her feet like she’s in The Matrix: Low Budget Edition
4. Lucy Liu being criminally underpaid while also being the only competent person in the movie
5. Cameron Diaz earning $20 million to act confused for two hours

The guys also uncover the true plot of the movie, which involves:

Two magic rings (basically Lord of the Rings for people who failed geometry), a witness protection list nobody understands, and Demi Moore showing up to remind everyone she’s still the coolest person on screen.

But the real story of this episode isn’t the movie—it’s the complete unraveling of the podcast itself.

Somehow, the conversation spirals into:

1. Whether MTD died by driving into a Country Kitchen and ordering waffles afterward
2. A full succession plan where Jacob inherits the network and immediately cancels everything to avoid paying podcast hosting fees
3. Brad forcing his son into podcast slavery via his will
4. A hypothetical skydiving scenario where Brad tries to take Jacob and MTD down with him out of spite
5. The possibility of replacing Brad with a hologram or re-releasing old episodes like he’s a podcast Tupac

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