EP.82 - Colonoscopies and Toms New Responsibilities

Some of us with ADHD have experienced a life of failure. We try, and we try, but in the end the scoreboard is the same. I am not suggesting we are destined to fail, or victory, for us is a fool’s errand. I am saying some of us with ADHD see it more than most. I have realized through seeing my brother Phillip that it is a lot of work to be as successful. Phil is a real estate agent, and he brings home the bank. The other thing about Phil is that he works his ass off. He almost never gets a day off and he is always busy. He gets one day off a week and he spends a good portion of that day on his cell phone. Everything he does today affects tomorrow and everything he did yesterday affects him today. SCREW THAT!   I love and respect Phil very much. He loves what he does, and seeing him in action and hearing of the multitude of problems he must deal with every day has made me very comfortable being an underachieving slack-ass. I would not do what Phil does if they guaranteed me 150k dollars a year. I would rather just have my job where I go to work and go home. My day always ends at the end of the day. There is a great deal of value in that. I don’t think I would want to own my own business either. What if I had an asshole such as myself working for my company? Ughh!

5 Maalis 201536min

We have all been told since we were kids lying is wrong. I think it is a fine lesson. Kids lying should not be permitted by parents. They should admit their wrong doings and face the consequences. When I was a child, I did not ever consider lying to my parents. However, I am not a child any more. There are times when Lying is necessary. We must sometimes, as parents lie to our own children. I know how terrible this must sound but you know you have done it. C’mon you have.  I don’t know who coined the phrase, “honesty is always the best policy”, but they were wrong. As adults, we know or at least we should know, when to lie and when to tell the truth. I realize most of you have not had any formal training on lying or when to lie so it is my pleasure to be here for you in this capacity. Lets run through some life circumstances where lying is acceptable, fun or both. Lying to a perspective employer You are in an interview for a great job. It could pay you more than you ever thought you could make. The interview is going perfectly until the interviewer says “This job requires you have at least an associate’s degree”. The problem is you don’t have an associate’s degree so it is now time to make a choice. Well here are your choices: You could tell the truth, and continue the agonizing job search, or you could just consider lying. You could simply appear dumbfounded and apologize for the absence of the paperwork for your associate’s degree. Then go home and manufacture it, fax it back to them, and follow it up with a phone call. Some of you may believe this could not possibly work, but I can tell you first hand, you are wrong. If you decided to tell the truth than you could just take all of your integrity, honesty, morality and decency home to your spouse and hand it to them and say, “Hey honey can you take this and see if you can use it to prepare something for all of us to eat for supper tonight?” Lying to those who disturb the sanctity of your home From time to time, an asshole will come to your home asking for money or wanting to enter your home for the purpose of demonstrating some piece of shit vacuum cleaner they would like for you to buy. You are home and someone dares to come knocking on your door. Someone is trying to capitalize on this special day while you are off work. They have decided since you are home they have the right to enter your castle and disrupt the only thing that prevents you from being homicidal. Whether they are interrupting time with your family or time with your Xbox, they are robbing you of that which you are in need of. You should not feel guilty lying to this person if you choose. You are within your rights as a human being to simply say, “Go to Hell!” or “Haul you ass from my sight!”. If you do not wish to be rude,  lying is a fine option. Lying will enable you to use your creativity to turn a bad situation into a fun story to tell your friends or write in your blog about. It is okay, the world will understand. For instance, you can say, “Hey not to be rude, but you kind of pulled me off of my wife. We were just making whoopy. Would you like to come in and wait for 20 or 30 minutes for us to finish?” Trust me. They will leave.  Lying to a controlling bitch of a spouse As a result of my first marriage, I developed skills as a liar that, if there was a market for it, I could go on tour, giving seminars on deception to automobile salesmen all over the country. She had a problem with everything I ever did, and if you know me, you know I don’t really do a hell of a lot. The most important thing she taught me was the importance of lying. I would never to do anything without first getting my lie straight. I knew the lies I told her needed to be quick, rehearsed and executed as if pulled from a holster. I never went out drinking or whoring around, I am too cheap to drink out at a bar, and too lazy to have an affair. I mean just regular guy stuff. If I wanted to go to a concert with a friend or anything that did not involve her then a lie would ultimately have to be told. So if you are trapped in this situation, where you are not allowed to be who you are. I support your fictional portrayal of the truth 100%. Liars have more fun Another thing about lying that perhaps you have never considered, is that it is fun. It is an opportunity for you to use your creativity to a live audience. Telling the truth, yes it is very moral and noble, and blah blah blah. It doesn’t however offer any type of creative outlet. It is actually quite easy. If I am somewhere and a total stranger decides to strike up a conversation with me, I don’t look at them as a person I might have something in common with, or even someone I might find to be interesting. I look at them as a blank canvas that I can paint the most outrageous stories on, and see how long I can hold their interest by gauging their reaction. I find it thrilling to view the outrageousness of my words in the reflection of their eyes. For example; Years ago I was on a first date at a restaurant/theatre. A couple sitting at our table struck up a conversation with my date and me. I perked right up and could not believe the size of the canvas I was just given. This was a two-fold opportunity for lying awesomeness. I jumped right in and told them we were married and lived in Chicago. I told this couple that all we do year round is compete in hot air balloon races all over the world. I told them that her dad was the CEO of DirecTV, and that he finances all of our equipment. I went on and on. I even made up a story about our balloon, while on an illegal night-time flight running out of gas got caught on a skyscraper in Las Vegas. I said we hung by the deflated balloon material for 14 hours until we could be rescued by helicopter. They were buying it all so I asked them if they heard about it on the news. I told them that I did six months in the Nevada state correctional facility for operating a hot air balloon in the city limits at night. You should have seen their faces. They were laughing until they were crying. Where was the wrong in this? I had fun. My date had fun, and the couple sitting next to us could not have been more thrilled to have met us. Imagine how boring this evening would have been for everyone if I were like many people who are categorically opposed to lying on principal. Lying is not always the best method. I would be remiss not to say it lying is wrong  in any case where someone else will end up paying for your deeds or actions. Lying is wrong when it jams someone else up. I should also say that I personally have never and will never lie to make a story more interesting. If I say something happened than you can be sure that it did. There are times when lying is not wrong and there are times when lying to people is wrong. It is up to you to do what you can live with. I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome. Email:tom@adhdpeople.netyvonne@adhdpeople.netWebhttp://tomnardone.nethttp://adhdpeople.nethttp://thetomnardoneshow.comTwitter:@adhdpeople@tomnardoneshow FacebookThe Tom Nardone Show Page

2 Maalis 201532min

Tom & Yvonne why Yvonne has forbidden him from accompanying her to the grocery store, much to Tom’s approval. They discuss the foolish things they buy and the challenges they face when buying them. This is a hysterically funny show. Email:tom@adhdpeople.netyvonne@adhdpeople.netWebhttp://tomnardone.nethttp://adhdpeople.nethttp://thetomnardoneshow.comTwitter:@adhdpeople@tomnardoneshow FacebookThe Tom Nardone Show Page

26 Helmi 201519min

Because of the way ADHD Adults live our lives, there are certain things we simply do not need or want. Yvonne Goes through her little list for me asking me to explain some of them to her.  Special thanks to ADHD Coach and ADHD Podcaster Jeff Copper for the bumper intro.

23 Helmi 201536min

ADHD and Lazy People On ADHD People, Tom and Yvonne Nardone discus how Tom thinks it’s totally awesome to be lazy and believes it’s a perfectly acceptable way to live. Yvonne argues that it’s just a symptom of being ADHD and that laziness should be resisted. Listen to this ADHD couple banter about being lazy verses being productive in a humorous way.

19 Helmi 201536min

Yard work is a bitch. I really don’t understand why people care so much about their yard. There is nothing about yard work that I find fun, interesting or rewarding. As it happens I have a very nice yard. My wife works hard and has worked hard to make it so. Yes, yes I help her. I have sent my step-son out there many times to cut the grass or clean up, or do the things that his mother might need help with, after all I am a man. Here are the problems I have with yard work. The sun is out, beating the hell out of the earth and everything on it. It is 98 degrees, suffocating humidity, and as miserable as a dental appointment. Also, the bees (which I consider to be tantamount to a flying hypodermic needle), and the mosquitoes and all the other bugs are out there flying around scaring the shit out of me laughing as they do it; knowing that at any moment they can sting me and cause me to go running into the house like a little girl. Whenever there are flying insects, well, here come the spiders and the birds. You never know where the spiders are. You have to watch and inspect anywhere that you might want to put your hand. I know people say the birds are good because they eat the insects. Two things on that; one, they don’t eat nearly enough of them, and two when they are finished they just shit them all over my fence. I am supposed to go outside and clean my own fence that the birds shit all over, as if I work at the fucking zoo. On a more personal note, I have a deathly fear of snakes. I don’t often see them but I believe, and know that they are out there. I don’t know which ones are safe or which ones are dangerous, so I err on the side of safety and treat them all as poisonous. People tell me that black snakes are good because they eat poisonous snakes. Is that supposed to make me feel better? I am not Steve Irwin. I don’t have the ability to identify snakes. If one comes near me, I scream, run inside, and then take a shower and throw my pants in the garbage can after wrapping them in a plastic bag. Yard work poses a threat to my safety. I don’t even enter my backyard without doing a thorough search for nature’s predators. I literally crouch down and slowly walk as if I were sneaking up on someone. Getting bitten by a snake, or a spider is too great a cost for having a nice yard. The coolest thing we ever did to our yard was when we had 25×25 foot concrete slab poured in the backyard. That is a guaranteed 625 square feet of maintenance free real estate. It is the part of my yard I am most proud of. It is the only part of my backyard that I feel safe on. If you think about it, people spend relatively little time in their yard. I mean besides the time spent doing yard work. Most of the time, people are indoors. They don’t even see their yard that much. My wife told me one time as I was leaving to got to work, “Hey Tom I am ordering ten yards of mulch today, It will be on the driveway when you get home. Can you help me get it to the backyard?” I said of “course dear.” I did not know what ten yards of mulch was I figured I would help her for an hour or so and then just start my weekend off. When I got home that afternoon, I could not believe what I saw when I pulled into the driveway. I parked my car next to this steaming pile of disappointments, and got out to have a closer look. I remember thinking “Why does my wife hate me this much?” Yvonne usually gets this much mulch every year, and she refers to it as “Mulch Madness”. Big Giant Pile of Disappointment I will however say that I do understand the idea of a vegetable garden. I just think that it is not worth it. I realize that there is some satisfaction in knowing that you grew something and now it is on your dinner table. I also know that it is a lot of work having a garden. I just don’t think I could take the disappointment of working that hard knowing that I had worked my ass off in the heat, and at great personal risk, only to have the very work that I have done, sustain life to those little bastards. Most people take a more offensive approach to yard work. I see them every day spraying for bugs or treating their yard. They declare war on the bugs and pests of the outdoors. I don’t have the energy to declare war on them. I just simply pull out my white flag of apathy and proudly wave it as I give up. I would just surrender my whole yard to them. To me, that is the only way to win. Besides even if I killed all the bugs, and all the weeds, and my yard just looked so good that it could be featured in magazines all over the country, there is still the core problem that would prevent me from working in my yard. I just don’t give a shit! I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

16 Helmi 201530min

ADHD Couple Tom & Yvonne Nardone discuss some of the things Yvonne will not allow Tom to buy or own for various reasons. Tom defends himself and the reasons for which he feels he is entitled to such things. Tom believes many of them to be complete bullshit. Also in a unique twist, Yvonne performs in her debut performance on the accordion.

12 Helmi 201527min

Tom & Yvonne Discuss the things in there lives which have brought them their most embarrassing moments.

9 Helmi 201528min