Holding it Together When Things Fall Apart | Pema Chodron

Thubten Chodron was born in Chicago and grew up near Los Angeles. She felt her life's calling was to help others, so she became a teacher, landing her first job in the inner-city schools of Los Angeles. Looking for something to do during summer break, she saw a flyer for a meditation course being taught by two Tibetan Lamas. Little did she know, taking this course would change the trajectory of her life. The teaching that resonated with her most was about setting motivations. She realized that though she was doing good things in her life, the motivations she had for doing them were self-centered. Chodron wanted to dedicate her life to living selflessly and with altruistic intentions. She felt the only way she could do that was to let go of her worldly attachments, including her marriage, and become a Buddhist nun. She believes we all have the potential to be happy and live altruistically, but we get in our own way. In this episode, Chodron offers her thoughts on how to set selfless motivations as we live our everyday lives. Plugzone: Personal Website: https://thubtenchodron.org/ Sravasti Abbey: https://sravastiabbey.org/ YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/sravastiabbey Books: The Compassionate Kitchen: Buddhist Practices for Eating with Mindfulness and Gratitude https://www.amazon.com/Compassionate-Kitchen-Practices-Mindfulness-Gratitude/dp/1611806348 Other book titles by Thubton Chodron: https://www.amazon.com/Thubten-Chodron/e/B000APM652

27 Marras 20191h 16min

Kittisaro graduated from Princeton as a Rhodes Scholar and went on to Oxford before going to Thailand to ordain with Ajahn Chah in 1976. He was a monk for 15 years. Thanissara started Buddhist practice in 1975, decided to ordain after meeting Ajahn Chah and spent 12 years as a Buddhist nun. They had known each other for years when they fell in love in 1991. They decided to leave the order so they could be together and were married the following year. They have gone on to become co-founders of Dharmagiri Sacred Mountain Retreat in South Africa and co-authors of Listening to the Heart: A Contemplative Guide to Engaged Buddhism. They are Guiding Teachers of Sacred Mountain Sangha, on the Spirit Rock Teacher Council, and are Core Teachers at Insight Meditation Society. In a wide ranging interview, they discuss their practice and how their monastic lives have prepared them for their life in a relationship. Plug Zone Website: http://sacredmountainsangha.org/ Books Listening to the Heart: A Contemplative Journey to Engaged Buddhism: https://www.amazon.com/Listening-Heart-Contemplative-Journey-Buddhism/dp/1583948392 Time to Stand Up: An Engaged Buddhist Manifesto for Our Earth -- The Buddha's Life and Message through Feminine Eyes https://www.amazon.com/Time-Stand-Up-Buddhist-Manifesto/dp/158394916X Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

20 Marras 20191h 48min

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Perel provides her insight on such topics as: how to make a relationship work in today’s society, the real reasons why we cheat, and how political or economic shifts can affect our relationships. Her celebrated TED talks on relationships have garnered more than 28 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence became a global phenomenon translated into 25 languages. Plug Zone Website, Newsletter and Blog: https://www.estherperel.com/ Podcast: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-should-we-begin-with-esther-perel/id1237931798 Podcast: How’s Work? With Esther Perel: https://open.spotify.com/show/0P13JasQfVZ1RiDCMZMYNU Book: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence: https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641 Book: The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity: https://www.estherperel.com/store/the-state-of-affairs TED Talk: Rethinking infidelity… a talk for anyone who has ever loved https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en TED Talk: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship: https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=en The Future of Love, Lust, and Listening: SXSW 2018: https://www.sxsw.com/interactive/2018/esther-perel-interactive-keynote-at-sxsw-2018-video/ Relationship Skills and Workplace Dynamics at SXSW 2019: https://www.sxsw.com/interactive/2019/esther-perel-on-relationship-skills-and-workplace-dynamics-at-sxsw-2019-video/ Instagram: @estherperelofficial Twitter: @EstherPerel Facebook: @esther.perel, https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel/ Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

13 Marras 20191h 9min

Our guest this week is Alicia Menendez, an award-winning journalist, who finds herself in a common position for many women: caring way too much about what others think of her. Be nice, but not too nice. Be successful, but not too successful. Just be likeable, whatever that means. In the workplace strong women are often criticized for being cold, while warm women may be seen as pushovers. In her just released book, The Likeability Trap, and in our conversation, she discusses this issue and explains how and why both men and women should combat it. Plug Zone The Likeability Trap: https://www.amazon.com/Likeability-Trap-Break-Free-Worth/dp/0062838768 Website: http://aliciamenendez.com/ Twitter: @AliciaMenendez Instagram: @aliciamenendezxo Facebook: @AliciaMenendezTV An Evening with Joseph Goldstein and Dan Harris: Staying Sane in a Crazy World https://www.nyimc.org/event/an-evening-with-joseph-goldstein-and-dan-harris-staying-sane-in-a-crazy-world/ Episode References Psychological Safety / What Google Learned From Its Quest to Build the Perfect Team: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/magazine/what-google-learned-from-its-quest-to-build-the-perfect-team.html THE FIVE INVITATIONS: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully https://fiveinvitations.com/the-book/ WeCroak: https://www.wecroak.com/ Ten Percent Happier Podcast Insiders Feedback Group: https://10percenthappier.typeform.com/to/vHz4q4 Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

6 Marras 20191h 22min

Brian Grazer is a Hollywood giant! He’s made more than 100 films including Splash, Apollo 13 and the best-picture-winning A Beautiful Mind. He tells Dan this week how he has used his own curiosity in others to build powerful relationships. He takes us back to when he was a law clerk at Warner Bros. delivering papers to the biggest names in Hollywood and how he was able to overcome personal obstacles to strike up conversations he would turn into connections. Grazer also discusses how he uses transcendental meditation to calm feelings of anxiety and fear. We also discuss his latest book, Face to Face: The Art of Human Connection, his secrets on how to engage with others, and the importance of eye contact is when it comes to building relationships. Plug Zone Face to Face: https://www.amazon.com/Eye-Contact-Power-Personal-Connection/dp/1501147722 A Curious Mind: http://www.grazeriscurious.com/ Social: @BrianGrazer An Evening with Joseph Goldstein and Dan Harris: Staying Sane in a Crazy World https://www.nyimc.org/event/an-evening-with-joseph-goldstein-and-dan-harris-staying-sane-in-a-crazy-world/ Dan’s Book Recommendations: https://www.tenpercent.com/reading Ten Percent Happier Podcast Insiders Feedback Group: https://10percenthappier.typeform.com/to/vHz4q4 Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

30 Loka 20191h 16min

Dr. Susan Pollak found refuge in meditation at a young age, introduced to it by a family member. Describing herself as an anxious and neurotic kid, she noticed how meditation offered her some relief. Pollak has remained fascinated with meditation ever since. She earned degrees in comparative religion and psychology, becoming a psychologist, and for decades she has been integrating the practice of mediation into psychotherapy. In her new book, “Self-Compassion for Parents,” she explains why parents need to care for themselves first in order to provide the best care for their children. For those short on time, she’s created meditation practices that take just a few minutes and she explains how even small moments of mindfulness can make a big difference. Plug Zone The Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy: http://meditationandpsychotherapy.org/ Center for Mindfulness and Compassion: https://www.chacmc.org/ The Art of Now Blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-now Website: https://www.drsusanpollak.com/ Self-Compassion for Parents: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Parents-Nurture-Caring-Yourself/dp/1462533094 Additional Books: https://www.drsusanpollak.com/books.php Addiction-Related Judson Brewer, MD, PhD (Habit Change): https://www.brown.edu/public-health/mindfulness/people/judson-brewer-md-phd G. Alan Marlatt (Addictive Behaviors): http://depts.washington.edu/abrc/marlatt.htm Jessica Morey Inward Bound Mindfulness Education (iBme): https://ibme.com/ Ten Percent Happier Podcast Insiders Feedback Group https://10percenthappier.typeform.com/to/vHz4q4 ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

23 Loka 20191h 28min

Life can be challenging. It’s comforting to have kind, supportive people around you to help you through it. Dr. Kristin Neff believes it’s equally important to cultivate a kind, supportive inner voice. In her last year of graduate school Neff was going through what she calls a messy divorce. Looking for a way to alleviate the strong feelings of stress and shame she was experiencing, she found meditation. Drawn to the integration of mindfulness and compassion practices, she was able to work through her emotional turmoil. She came to the realization that she deserved kindness and encouragement and she didn’t need to rely on anyone other than herself to fulfill those needs. That epiphany inspired her to spend the next several years of her life doing self-compassion work. Neff believes self-compassion is a trainable skill anyone can learn, even those who are not naturally inclined to be kind to themselves. She recently co-created a workbook that guides the reader through the practices of mindful self-compassion, hoping to help others experience the life-changing benefits of being kind to ourselves. Plug Zone Website: https://self-compassion.org/ Workbook: https://self-compassion.org/mindful-self-compassion-workbook/ Twitter: @self_compassion TED Talk: https://ed.ted.com/on/zhq011AI ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

16 Loka 20191h 35min

Dr. Sydney Spears is a professor at the University of Kansas School of Social Welfare and holds a PhD in Clinical Social Work from Smith College. As a woman of color, she tells us she has experienced layers of oppression and discrimination. Looking for a way to make sense of these experiences, and the difficult emotions she felt because of them, she became interested in meditation. Through her mindfulness practice she realized her identity did not need to be defined by the social constructs society often uses to discriminate. She found comfort in knowing that while she may not be able to control her external experiences, no one could affect her internal peace. Now she teaches the concept of mindful self-compassion to help others come to this same realization. Plug Zone Website: https://midlifeateasecounseling.com/ Twitter: @MidlifeAtEase Midwest Alliance for Mindfulness: https://mindfulness-alliance.org/ ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

9 Loka 20191h 49min