The Social Fear That Keeps Us Lonely (and the easy fix) | Nicholas Epley

Nicholas Epley studies how people misjudge each other, avoid conversations with strangers, and miss out on life-affirming relationships. It all started when he noticed something on a silent Chicago train that changed how he thinks about the strangers he avoids and the people he loves but never calls. The thing stopping him wasn't what he expected.

Epley is a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, where he's spent over fifteen years studying why smart, socially wired people routinely misread each other. His research on human connection has appeared in the New York Times and on NPR, and he teaches an MBA course called Designing a Good Life. His new book is A Little More Social.

What you'll explore in this conversation:

• Why the experiment that convinced Nicholas to talk to a stranger on a silent train started with him assuming it would go badly
• The specific belief researchers found sabotages more conversations than shyness, rudeness, or bad timing combined
• What his team discovered when they photographed people's resting faces, and why it explains a train car full of strangers staying quiet
• A kind word tends to land better than a polished one, according to decades of research on how we actually judge each other. Nicholas breaks down why
• Acting more outgoing than you feel might not cost the energy you'd expect, even for people who've called themselves introverts their whole lives

If there's someone you've been meaning to reach out to, or a stranger you keep talking yourself out of talking to, this conversation makes the case for testing that instinct instead of trusting it.

You can find Nicholas at: Website | LinkedIn | Episode Transcript

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