He Blew It Side C
2 Gleeps19 Heinä 2023

He Blew It Side C

How can there be a Side C on a tape? Really? That's what you are thinking about right now? This is Colton here, and I just posted the audio that I was only supposed to post when Noah dies. I personally would think that is a little more pressing and concerning. Let me tell you my reasoning. We recorded a few episodes in advance because we were going on a road trip through the beautiful and astounding Great Plains. There the prairie lay, uniform and unvarying, spanning, unbroken, to the ends of the horizon. Staring at it, let me tell you, those flat lines almost made me flat line... Anyway, I worked diligently to make sure everything was done in a timely manner so the audience didn't have to suffer. I had just posted the most recent episode, and not even 3 hours later, Noah died. I'll be honest, it was obvious that the Multiple Sclerosis was going to be the one to kill him, I just didn't expect it to happen like it did. I don't want to beat around the bush, so I will just come out and tell you how exactly my co-host met his end. As we were nearing the end of our trip, many memorable things had happened, but it's all overshadowed by the memory of the last time I saw him. You see, towards the end, we found ourselves in Colorado. We made our way to the top of the Rocky Mountains. (The highest part where tourists are allowed to go by car.) He just wanted to get a slightly better view of the range, so he climbed over the safety guard rail. Noah didn't even go out more than 10 feet (about 3 meters), when he stepped on a loose pile of rocks. Really in most cases it would have been no big deal, but in this one instance...by complete coincidence...his leg muscles stiffened, and he wasn't able to balance himself before falling. He immediately fell back and cracked his skull on the ground. Without hesitation, I went to go help my friend. Forgoing all safety, I jumped over the rail. It wasn't too late. The damage seemed minimal. He must've been in a lot of pain, but he was still alive. After all, people have fallen from much higher and lived, and all he did was trip. I guess my point is that I'm kind of a hero or whatever. Just keep that in mind when I tell you what happened next... When I jumped the rail to help him, I tripped on his loose boot strap, and while trying to keep myself from falling...I accidentally nudged his body with my foot...sending him plummeting down the cliff. It was a really steep cliff.

So I guess the moral of the story is, "don't help people because you are only going to make things worse". Also, I reached out to Noah's twin brother, and he has agreed to host the podcast with me going forward. We talked about it and have decided that in order to avoid some sort of awkward transition period while The Orient gets used to a new host, he is just going to do the podcast in character as his brother. Don't worry, no one knows Noah better than his own twin brother, and he is extremely familiar with the podcast and our style of humor. You probably won't even notice the difference, since Noah told him everything (pretty much up to 6 minutes before the death). Noah would've wanted it this way...probably. But who really cares what Noah would've wanted, it's my podcast now...well, and his brother's I guess.

If you want to send your condolences, you can send them here. It would really mean a lot to both hosts.

2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

If you think cassette tapes should have 3 sides, express that to me here:

tgleepsdotorg@gmail.com

Jaksot(209)

Dial M For Migger

Dial M For Migger

Colton teaches Noah about boats, phones, ears, bananas, and lawn care. Also be careful because the night stalk and Edgar's pack might get you while you sleep   If you know anything about the Alamo, we are willing to trade information with you about the secrets of the Midwest. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

9 Huhti 20221h 27min

The Living Dark

The Living Dark

Does anybody remember that movie "Living Dark" from like 10 years ago? No? Just me? Well this episode has nothing to do with that. It's just a title that loosely fit with the theme...Just listen to the episode and you'll get it   Wait, you actually do remember "Living Dark: The Story of Ted the Caver"? let's talk about it if you want. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

6 Huhti 20228min

Braneurysm Side B

Braneurysm Side B

Just read the description of Side A, it's the same episode, but the second half. Today we learned why Cuban cigars are so good, and we learned about the prisoner of Pakistan.   Do you hate us because we just casually assumed that everyone listening knows what volksgemeinshaft is? Yell at us here 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

2 Huhti 202251min

The Hemingway Out

The Hemingway Out

This is a crazy little bonus episode about an ancient critique, and Colton's suicide in his past life as the most earnest Ernest.   Let us know if you were a famous person in the before time. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com   Also, I think I'm legally obligated to put the phone number to a suicide help line in the description, but I don't know it off the top of my head. It is also too much work to open up a new tab. In fact it would probably be easier just to shoot myself.

29 Maalis 20229min

Spruce Springsteen Side A

Spruce Springsteen Side A

This episode was so large that the entire thing wouldn't fit on one MIDI file. Luckily this is a two sided tape, and there are no other plans to do anything with the other side. Also, we talk about IQ and pneumonia guns.   It turns out the really tall building in India that Colton was thinking about was actually the Burj Khalifa, he is just really dumb, and thought Dubai was in India. If you still want to correct him anyway, don't hesitate. It's one of the best ways to remind him of his mistake. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

25 Maalis 202254min

The Sparch Story

The Sparch Story

This is easily the scariest episode that has ever been recorded. Get ready, because you're going to be begging to pee your pants after you hear about Colton's neighbors.   If you have a story that will actually makes us shiver our timbers, don't hesitate to tell us. If you can make either of us poop a little because of how spooky your story is, I will actually Venmo you USD $5. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

22 Maalis 202215min

R.I.P. Hmonk

R.I.P. Hmonk

Welcome to The Orient! Colton submitted a user email, Martha Stewart has committed a crime so heinous that no one is even willing to mention it (which we talk about), and we go over the civil rights movement without simplifying it or skipping any details. Also, the cool kids these days are ditching the vapes to eat chalk.   If you killed your manager (or have access to drugs), or even just want us to think you did, let us know. You are legally a cooler person now. This IS financial advice. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

18 Maalis 20221h 14min

The Barnyard Episode

The Barnyard Episode

Remember when we said we were going to watch Barnyard? Well, we did, so we might as well get some content out of it that is as juicy as Nora Beady's hips; otherwise, it would feel like we watched this children's movie for no good reason.   Let us know what your favorite scene of this movie is, and why it's the scene toward the end when Daisy gives birth, you freak. 2gleepsdotorg@gmail.com

15 Maalis 202227min

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