473: Ask David: Dr. Matt's Question!

Ask David, Dr. Matthew May asks--and helps us answer--the most common question he hears from his patients and fans: How do I help a loved one, friend, or colleague who's upset, agitated, angry, anxious, and more?

1. Matt asks: People ask me about a loved one who is anxious, and want to know what to do to help that person. Example:

"My daughter is hooked on social media. She's literally 'addicted'. She has terrible insomnia, low self-esteem, anxiety, hopelessness, depression, anger and fits of rage when we try to take her phone away. When my daughter is online, she texts things like:

1. Is this really happening? This can't be happening
2. OMG! This is terrible! How awful!
3. Why am I so unpopular? I'm totally alone
4. I shouldn't have posted all that stuff
5. Everyone thinks I'm an idiot
6. I have to do something to fit in
7. Everything's hopeless. I give up.
8. Is someone monitoring and recording me?
9. All those creeps are evil and deserve worse than what they're getting

On the podcast, Matt, Rhonda and David demonstrate effective and ineffective ways of responding to your loved one, or to anyone who is complaining and feeling upset. They use role-playing to illustrate the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, and you will see how hard it can be to hit it out of the park, even for experts!

Thanks for listening today! In the upcoming weeks, we'll have several more Ask David episodes with these questions and more.

1. Julia asks: is it more important to do positive reframing on feelings (anxiety, anger, frustration) rather than on specific thoughts («I should be calmer»)?
2. Charlotte asks: What's the best way to use the "20 Qualities I'm looking for in an ideal mate?"
3. Charlotte also asks: What's the best way to find out if someone you're dating is going to be loyal, faithful, and honest?
4. Jenn asks: Are you getting old and cranky now?
5. Zhang asks: I have intrusive daydreams and obsess about getting things perfect? What's causing this? And what can I do?
6. Yevhen asks: How can I use "I Feel" Statements without oversharing?
7. George asks: Would my approach help someone who is suicidal?
8. No Name asks: Do I need to worry about my daughter's anxiety?
9. Jeffrey asks: Can you disarm yourself?

Thanks for listening today!

Rhonda, Matt, and David