EP#203: The Surprising Truth About Why People Cheat with Paul Keable from Ashley Madison Dating App

This interview surprised me. I tried to enter it with an open heart, and didn't too too much pre-research that might sway my questions or energy toward Paul.I was honestly blown away by Paul's authenticity, the data behind why people cheat, how we can be better partners to avoid cheating, and how Ashley Madison provides a discreet platform so you're not boinking your fellow office workers and ruining your family's life.In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I talk with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, about the realities of sex, dating, and non-monogamy. Paul shares research on why people seek affairs, the impact of unmet needs in relationships, and the misconceptions around open relationships. Our conversation explores communication challenges, the evolving definition of marriage, and how platforms like Ashley Madison provide discreet ways for people to connect. Paul and I discuss the importance of honesty, consent, and creating relationship agreements that work for each unique couple.Why People Cheat: Research Insights (00:02:21)Paul discusses academic research on why men and women seek affairs, focusing on unmet sexual and emotional needs.Gender Differences in Validation & Desire (00:06:01)How men and women seek validation and desire, and the emotional needs driving infidelity.Personal Experience & Using Ashley Madison (00:08:06)Jen shares her open relationship journey and her research experience joining Ashley Madison.Why Men Send Unsolicited Photos (00:12:20)Paul explains men’s motivations for sending explicit photos and offers advice on respectful communication.Safety, Trust, and Communication in Dating (00:13:29)Importance of trust and safety for women, and how men can better approach online dating.How to Write a Good Dating Profile (00:14:43)Paul gives advice on creating effective, respectful dating profiles, especially on Ashley Madison.Regulation, Pornography, and Privacy Concerns (00:23:46)Jen discusses state-level porn restrictions and concerns about privacy and government regulation.Understanding & Combating Adultery (00:24:41)Paul emphasizes the need to understand infidelity rather than just prohibit it.Affairs as a Way to Save Marriages (00:25:27)Research on how affairs can improve primary relationships and relieve sexual frustration.Sexual Communication & Advice for Couples (00:29:18)Paul gives advice on sexual communication, feedback, and the importance of openness and trying new things.Ashley Madison’s Marketing & Gender Perspectives (00:31:33)Discussion on how Ashley Madison’s marketing resonates differently with men and women.Dead Bedrooms & Rights to Pleasure (00:35:55)Exploring what happens when one partner loses interest in sex and the ethics of seeking pleasure elsewhere.Modern Relationships & Open Arrangements (00:36:25)How open relationships can address unmet needs and misconceptions about non-monogamy.Redefining Marriage & Relationship Norms (00:41:37)Jen and Paul discuss rewriting marriage norms, the rise of non-monogamy, and the need for personalized relationship agreements.History and Evolution of Marriage (00:42:01)Paul explains the origins of marriage, societal expectations, and evolving attitudes toward sex and partnership.COVID-19’s Impact on Relationships (00:45:52)How the pandemic intensified relationship issues and increased Ashley Madison’s user base.Personalizing Marriage & Relationship Agreements (00:46:36)Advocating for individualized marriage agreements and ongoing communication between partners.Five-Year Monogamy Contracts & Final Thoughts (00:48:04)Advice on periodic relationship check-ins and the future of Ashley Madison as a platform for discretion and diverse needs.**Ashley Madison**:https://www.ashleymadison.com/**Follow The Open Bedroom Podcast**:https://www.instagram.com/theopenbedroompodcast/