Ep. 91: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Coercive Control

Ep. 91: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Coercive Control

If I could sit across from the woman I was back then, these are the 20 things I would tell her.


In this episode of Why She Stayed, I reflect on my own experience of coercive control and share the lessons I wish someone had taught me while I was still living inside the confusion.

In this episode, we unpack topics like:


  • Why I found myself doing things that looked “sketchy” from the outside- like deleting text messages with friends and family- and how those behaviors were adaptations to coercive control.
  • What an abuser is often trying to accomplish when he repeatedly says, “I would never hit a woman,” and why that statement can become part of a much larger manipulation strategy.
  • How an abuser will say "this is just their personality" as a way to avoid accountability.
  • Why constantly breaking up with you and pulling you back in is a powerful form of intermittent reinforcement that can create an addictive trauma bond.
  • The hidden psychological dynamics that make intelligent, capable women stay in relationships they never imagined they’d tolerate.
  • And 20 hard truths I wish I had understood years earlier.


Whether you’re currently questioning your own relationship, trying to make sense of one you’ve already left, or supporting someone you love, this episode will help you understand coercive control in a way that goes far beyond the stereotypes of abuse.


Grace's Instagram: @gracee__elizabethh


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Avsnitt(90)

99: "“You Always Leave Right When I’m About to Turn a Corner”

99: "“You Always Leave Right When I’m About to Turn a Corner”

In this episode, Helen shares her story of the subtle ways coercive control made her believe that she was the problem.She shares how he repeatedly blamed her for leaving “right when he was about to ge...

22 Sep 1h 8min

98: What Change Does Not Look Like & How to Test Them

98: What Change Does Not Look Like & How to Test Them

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15 Sep 47min

97: The #1 Thing You Must Know About Abuse For a Lasting Breakthrough

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2 Sep 32min

96: "You’re Making an Elephant Out of a Mosquito"

96: "You’re Making an Elephant Out of a Mosquito"

In this episode, I sit down with Wednesday to talk about how the nervous system can become attached to predictability—even when that predictability is harmful—and how an abuser can become both the poi...

25 Aug 1h 25min

95: I Had to Become Ruthless to Stay Gone: For the Person Who Keeps Leaving and Going Back

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18 Aug 1h 32min

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11 Aug 1h 30min

Ep. 93: In Honor of Kymani: Aubree's Story | PART 1

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Everyone asks what happened the day Aubree’s husband shot her twice, murdered their nearly six-month-old son, Kymani, and then took his own life.But the deeper question is: What happened long before t...

4 Aug 1h 6min

Ep 92 Abusers Don't Lose Control- They Deploy It: with Lindsay Stoker creator of The Control Code

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I sit down with Lindsay Stoker creator of The Control Code to unpack the most misunderstood aspects of coercive control and psychological abuse.One of the most powerful shifts in understanding abuse i...

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