What We Get Wrong When Teaching Kids About Consent with Chanel Contos

What are we actually teaching young people about consent?

In this episode, Osher looks back on his powerful conversation with Chanel Contos, where they explored how children and teenagers learn about sex, relationships, boundaries and consent — often from sources far beyond the classroom.

Chanel, whose campaign for better consent education began after thousands of young people shared their experiences of sexual assault, argues that education needs to go much further than simply teaching “no means no”. Young people need to understand empathy, recognise boundaries and learn what healthy, mutually desired relationships actually look like.

The conversation examines the influence of pornography, movies and popular culture, and how romantic storylines can normalise jealousy, coercion, obsession and controlling behaviour. Chanel also discusses the different ways boys and girls are socialised — including the pressure on girls to be accommodating and the importance of helping boys develop empathy beyond their immediate social circles.

They also explore what consent can look and sound like in real life, including the importance of paying attention to body language and creating space for someone to change their mind. As Chanel explains, consent isn't simply about hearing an explicit “no”; it is about actively checking that another person is comfortable and genuinely wants to participate.

Despite the difficult subject matter, Chanel remains hopeful. She believes sexual violence is preventable, but that doing so requires adults to have uncomfortable conversations, challenge their own assumptions and make these lessons part of everyday life.

Because teaching consent isn't a one-off conversation. It's something we teach through the small, ordinary moments in which young people learn what love, respect, boundaries and healthy relationships look like.

SUPPORT

• For domestic or sexual abuse support: 1800 737 732 (1800 RESPECT)
• For immediate support in a crisis, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14
• More resources are available from Beyond Blue

LINKS

• Listen to the full episode with Chanel here
• Follow Chanel (@chanelc) on Instagram
• More from Chanel's Teach Us Consent initiative
• Sign up to the Better Than Yesterday newsletter
• Watch episodes of Better Than Yesterday on YouTube
• Watch full stories recorded live at Story Club on YouTube
• Get tickets for our next Story Club show
• Get Osher's latest book "So What? Now What?" here
• Send a pic of what you're looking at to sendosheremail@gmail.com

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