1846 || integrate the shadows

We all love the idea of a redemption arc. We love the idea of hitting rock bottom and bouncing up and transforming into a confident, powerful badass permanently. As humans, we tend to see things in black and white, before and after, cut and dry. But it’s important to remember that no timeline or journey or arc is linear.

Unfortunately life, and healing, is a messy process. Unfortunately it is not something you can win or lose, but instead relies on a perspective shift that allows compassion and integration to be able to react better, not perfectly.

Prioritizing yourself (after years of not) might piss off the people around you who are used to you self sacrificing for them. This transition period will be uncomfortable for them and you. Adjust anyway.

Again, I’m not saying to be mean or neglectful but you must learn to set some actual boundaries, and start to take yourself and your own capacity into consideration, and stop abandoning yourself in order to take care of everyone else. When you do this, with enough time and practice, you’ll be teaching others that they are capable of taking some of the burden they’d offloaded onto you. And you’ll be teaching your own nervous system you are safe and someone who can be trusted. Correcting those who criticize or dislike or misunderstand you cannot become the priority. You have to build your tolerance for unpopularity.

Now admittedly, I initially had some hesitation to say embrace your “villain” era because I don’t want anyone who is already evil to feel empowered to be more evil, but I do truly believe that there is a select few of us human beings who need to be explicitly taught how to prioritize ourselves, which means we need to unlearn some of the ingrained habits that make us feel like we HAVE to be “good” a the expense of what is actually fair and right. So the villain I’m speaking about is not the type of villain that will harm others to get ahead, but instead the type of villain that realizes the power in prioritizing their needs so they can get back to elevating the collective needs of the world around them. I’m speaking specifically to those people who’s empathy for other people has become such an inherent part of their identity that they’ve forgotten their own humanity in the process.

The idea is to integrate the parts of ourselves we’ve blocked out so we can become whole. Integration is the goal, instead of leaning into the tendency to neglect certain aspects and label them as undesirable.

SOURCES:

1. https://heroinejourneys.com/healing-journey/
2. https://www.alchemyofthought.com/blog/heroines-vs-heros-journey
3. https://www.abuddhistlibrary.com

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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