Oren J. Sofer

It is incredibly common for many of us humans, whatever our gender, to be at war with our bodies -- trying to live up to the people we see in the movies, on social media, or even the versions of ourselves in old pictures. This never-enough-ness can lead to an ambient level of self-loathing that can be incredibly destructive. That's where "radical self-love" comes in. Our guest today is Sonya Renee Taylor. She is the author of three books, including The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. She is the Founder and Radical Executive Officer of The Body is Not An Apology. She has come to this work as a result of her own personal pain, as a Black woman inhabiting a body that she says does not conform to societal norms.  In this conversation, we talk about defining radical self-love (and why she believes it's our natural state), tools for cultivating radical self-love, and the connection between being OK with yourself and the larger society. (Also, just a heads up: There is one brief reference to sex.) If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, you can download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sonya-renee-taylor-369

9 Aug 20211h

Modern life has turned many of us into zombies. We walk around with our noses in our phones, constantly on the hunt. We’re not looking to eat people’s brains, per se, but we are looking for mindless hits of dopamine -- from the latest headline, email, text, or “like” on our Instagram post. This has profound consequences, for us as individuals and for the society as a whole.  Our guest in this episode argues that we need to wake up to this, and learn how to create human connection. Koshin Paley Ellison is an author, Zen priest, and Jungian psychotherapist. He co-founded the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care and is the author of Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up. Ellison dives into his attempts to rescue the cliche of intimacy, how to build meaningful relationships, and what it means to “Find Your Five.” He also discusses how experimenting with what he calls "healthy embarrassment" (or allowing yourself to feel exposed) makes for better relationships. In fact, he’ll model some of that for us, quite bravely.  Just a note: This is a re-run from a few years back. We’re re-running a few episodes this summer to give our staff a break, and also to get some of our favorite older episodes into the ears of our many new listeners. Also: This conversation includes references to sensitive topics, including lived experiences of hatred and abuse. That said, it happens in the context of discussions about vulnerability and healing. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/koshin-paley-ellison-repost

4 Aug 20211h 21min

Today’s episode is about finding joy, pleasure, interest, and even gratitude in a surprising source: everyday objects and infrastructure.  Our guest Roman Mars is the host and creator of 99% Invisible, a radio show and podcast about design and architecture. It is one of the most popular podcasts in the world. Roman is also a bestselling author; he recently co-authored The 99% Invisible City: A Field Guide to the Hidden World of Everyday Design. Roman talks to us about how he got interested in design, how the name “99% Invisible” came to be, his new book about the under-observed aspects of the built world, the importance of reading plaques and utility markers, design as coercion, and a shared love of 90s punk rock. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Show notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/roman-mars-368

2 Aug 202149min

This episode is all about secrets.  Did you know that there are 38 categories of secrets—and statistically, according to Michael Slepian, you probably have about 13 of them right now? Slepian is the Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia Business School. He studies the psychology of secrets — and how keeping secrets affects our social life and work life, particularly as it pertains to trust and motivation. In this conversation we dive into common misunderstandings about secrets, the hardest part about having secrets, the toll secrets take (both physically and psychologically), how other people can help us handle our secrets in a healthier way, and the impact of societal systems and structures on our secret keeping. (One thing to note: There are brief references to abuse and other traumatic events that some people keep secret.) If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/michael-slepian-367

28 Juli 202146min

Sit in meditation for a few minutes and you’re likely to experience pain, either physical or psychological. Hang around the meditation scene for very long, and you are likely to hear the expression, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”  And that’s what this episode is all about -- boosting your pain tolerance through meditation. Because pain really is inevitable, but can you reduce your suffering through mindfulness and compassion?  Christiane Wolf argues ‘yes’. She is a physician turned mindfulness and compassion teacher and teacher trainer. She is an authorized Buddhist teacher in the Insight (Vipassana) meditation tradition, teaching classes and retreats worldwide, and she’s also the author of the new book “Outsmart Your Pain”. In this conversation, we talk about meditation techniques that offer us a better relationship to pain, how to work with the physicality of pain, the stories we tell ourselves about our pain, and seeing pain as an opportunity. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/christiane-wolf-366

26 Juli 202154min

It can be incredibly frustrating when life-changing, world-changing concepts such as compassion and kindness are often presented as cliches, because scientific research strongly suggests that learning how to practice compassion -- through meditation and other modalities -- can genuinely change your life. And enough of us did it, it could maybe change the world.  One of the people who is the best at getting this message out, in new and creative ways, is Thupten Jinpa. He is a former Tibetan monk who went on to go to Cambridge University, where he got a B.A. in philosophy and a Ph.D. in religious studies. Since 1985, he has been the principal English translator for His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  In this conversation, we talk about developing a compassionate meditation practice, building kindness and empathy, the connection between intention setting and compassion, and identifying and regulating negative emotional reactions.  A few technical notes: This episode is a rerun. We do reruns when we have episodes that are amazing that we think our newer listeners might enjoy. We also do them to give our staff a break once in a while. We actually recorded this conversation live in front of an audience at the Asia Society in New York City a few years ago. It was the day after the school shooting in Parkland, so you will hear a few references to that.  Check out Joseph Goldstein's course on compassion in the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/CompassionWithJoseph Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/thupten-jinpa-repost

21 Juli 20211h 12min

The craving, complaining, and comparing voice in our heads can be the source of incalculable suffering, but is it all bad? And are there ways to talk to yourself that can turn your inner voice into a powerful ally?  Ethan Kross is a Professor in the University of Michigan’s top ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business and the author of the new book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It.  In this conversation, we talk about why we have voices inside our head, how they can be either a blessing or a curse, how to access your inner coach rather than your inner critic, how changing our outer environment can impact your inner environment, and how you can use the much-maligned social media for support. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/ethan-kross-365

19 Juli 20211h 6min

For the uninitiated, Joseph Goldstein is one of the cofounders of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) alongside Sharon Salzberg and Jack Kornfield. Since its founding, thousands of people from around the world have come to IMS to learn mindfulness from leaders in the field.  In this episode Joseph covers strategies for getting over yourself. Every year, Joseph does a three-month retreat by himself at his home in Massachusetts. This year, he emerged with a bunch of thoughts on what’s called “the three proliferating tendencies,” or three “prapancas,” to use the ancient Pali term.  These are three ways in which we perpetuate a sense of self -- not a healthy sense of self, but an unhealthy sense of self. You can think about the process of going deeper in meditation as a process of lightening up or getting less self-centered. Now, you’re about to get a master class in doing just that.  Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/joseph-goldstein-364

14 Juli 20211h 14min