A Conversation about Abuse, Agency, and Mindfulness | Tanya Selvaratnam

A Conversation about Abuse, Agency, and Mindfulness | Tanya Selvaratnam

Before we dive in, a warning: this conversation includes descriptions of abuse and violence. As you may know, March 8th, the day we’re dropping this episode, is International Women’s Day. We have a story today about intimate violence, which has long been a problem for women around the world, and has only intensified during the pandemic. My guest is Tanya Selvaratnam, a writer and artist who I’ve known socially for many, many years. I was truly shocked when Tanya’s name surfaced in the media three years ago, in connection with the case of Eric Schneiderman. Eric was the celebrated Attorney General of New York State. He was also a regular on the local meditation scene. I knew Eric and Tanya were dating. What I did not know was that, behind the scenes, Eric was allegedly physically and emotionally abusing Tanya. She has now come out with a book, called Assume Nothing, which goes into searing detail about not only the alleged abuse, but also about how she flipped the script, regained her agency, helped bring her alleged abuser down, and how she has healed subsequently -- in no small part through meditation and therapy. Please note: If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, you can find resources curated by Tanya at the “full shownotes” link below. We’d also like to provide more context about the allegations Tanya shares in this interview: When the allegations of abuse against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman by Tanya and three other women were first made public in The New Yorker in May 2018, Schneiderman quickly resigned. In a statement at the time, he said, “serious allegations, which I strongly contest, have been made against me.” He also said, “While these allegations are unrelated to my professional conduct or the operations of the office, they will effectively prevent me from leading the office’s work at this critical time. I therefore resign my office.” After a six-month investigation, prosecutors declined to bring criminal charges against Schneiderman, citing legal impediments, including statutes of limitations. But the district attorney assigned to the case by Governor Andrew Cuomo also said that she “believed the women who shared their experiences” with investigators. In response, Schneiderman said, "I recognize that District Attorney Singas' decision not to prosecute does not mean I have done nothing wrong. I accept full responsibility for my conduct in my relationships with my accusers, and for the impact it had on them." I should also note that our team reached out to Eric Schneiderman and that he declined to comment for this episode. Two more items: First, remember to check out “In Plain Sight: Lady Bird Johnson,” a new podcast from ABC News, on Apple Podcasts (https://apple.co/ladybird), Spotify (https://spoti.fi/3ukYgoq), or wherever you’re listening now. Finally, we are looking for a podcast marketer at Ten Percent Happier. If you love this show, marketing, and building relationships, we would love to have you on the team to help us grow Ten Percent Happier and our future shows. Please apply at https://www.tenpercent.com/careers. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/tanya-selvaratnam-328

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Jeremy Richman, 'There Is Hope in Helping'

Jeremy Richman, 'There Is Hope in Helping'

Jeremy Richman remembers his daughter Avielle as a fun spirit with "this unbelievable smile that she would just give out to anybody," who was as happy playing dress-up as a fairy at a ball as she was practicing Kung Fu and shooting a bow and arrow outside. Avielle was killed with 19 of her classmates and six educators in the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, and in her memory, the Richmans started The Avielle Foundation, which funds research on brain health and causations for violent behaviors.

4 Juli 20181h 3min

Alison Wright, World-Traveling Photographer

Alison Wright, World-Traveling Photographer

Her body badly broken in a horrific bus crash in Laos, Alison Wright was still trying to breathe as she realized that she may not make it out alive. But not only did she survive, the award-winning National Geographic photographer called upon her years of meditation practice to keep breathing as she re-learned how to walk, overcame months of debilitating pain, climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro and even got back on a bus in Laos, all of which she details in her memoir, "Learning to Breathe: One Woman's Journey of Spirit and Survival."

27 Juni 20181h 8min

Scott Norton, The Condiments Guy Who Meditates

Scott Norton, The Condiments Guy Who Meditates

Since invading the condiments market with Sir Kensington's, a line of ketchup, mustard and other spreads, company co-founder Scott Norton said meditation has helped him slow down and have better self-assessment under the stress of managing a start-up.

20 Juni 201851min

Diana Butler Bass, 100 Days of Gratitude

Diana Butler Bass, 100 Days of Gratitude

Author and religion scholar Diana Butler Bass has tried on many forms of Christianity, from growing up Methodist to becoming an Evangelical Christian for years and then joining the Episcopal Church, where she started exploring Centering Prayer and eventually meditation. Though her 10 books span a range of facets on Christianity, Bass says writing her most recent book, "Grateful: The Transformative Power of Giving Thanks," saved her life.

13 Juni 20181h 4min

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, Meditating While Having ADHD

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, Meditating While Having ADHD

Stephanie Sarkis, an author and expert in ADHD, anxiety disorders, autism spectrum disorder and chronic pain, brings a unique perspective to her work because she herself struggles with ADHD and anxiety. Working mostly with adults, from college-age on up, Sarkis said she began recommending mindfulness meditation to her clients and then began a practice herself when she read about the possible benefits and saw positive changes in those she treated.

6 Juni 201856min

Roshi Joan Halifax, 'Turning Towards the Suffering'

Roshi Joan Halifax, 'Turning Towards the Suffering'

Roshi Joan Halifax came to New York City by way of New Orleans in the '60s with a thirst to engage in social justice, protesting "everything related to discrimination," she said, and the Vietnam War. Halifax, whose latest book is called "Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet," went on to become a Buddhist teacher, Zen priest, anthropologist and a pioneer in the field of end-of-life care who has brought her work into psychiatric programs, penitentiaries and refugee camps.

30 Maj 20181h 7min

Sally Kohn, 'We Need to Fix Hate'

Sally Kohn, 'We Need to Fix Hate'

It was around the time she decided to go on her second meditation retreat that Sally Kohn, a gay, Jewish, community organizer turned political commentator, took a job as a commentator for Fox News. In her TV career -- she's now a commentator for CNN -- Kohn has experienced hateful personal attacks from online trolls and recently faced some backlash over her first book, "The Opposite of Hate: A Field Guide To Repairing Our Humanity," but with her book she has lead a conversation around finding compassion for those who trumpet hate.

23 Maj 20181h 15min

Paul Gilmartin, The Battles in Our Heads, Uncensored

Paul Gilmartin, The Battles in Our Heads, Uncensored

Comedian Paul Gilmartin was the host of TV's "Dinner and a Movie" for 16 years, but smiling and acting happy on-screen often "felt like lifting 500 pounds," he said, as he struggled behind the scenes with depression and even contemplated suicide. When the show ended, Gilmartin launched "The Mental Illness Happy Hour" podcast, which he said has been a valuable outlet that allowed him to work through his claims of being sexually abused by his mother and helping others with their own personal struggles.

16 Maj 201858min

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