A Conversation about Abuse, Agency, and Mindfulness | Tanya Selvaratnam

A Conversation about Abuse, Agency, and Mindfulness | Tanya Selvaratnam

Before we dive in, a warning: this conversation includes descriptions of abuse and violence. As you may know, March 8th, the day we’re dropping this episode, is International Women’s Day. We have a story today about intimate violence, which has long been a problem for women around the world, and has only intensified during the pandemic. My guest is Tanya Selvaratnam, a writer and artist who I’ve known socially for many, many years. I was truly shocked when Tanya’s name surfaced in the media three years ago, in connection with the case of Eric Schneiderman. Eric was the celebrated Attorney General of New York State. He was also a regular on the local meditation scene. I knew Eric and Tanya were dating. What I did not know was that, behind the scenes, Eric was allegedly physically and emotionally abusing Tanya. She has now come out with a book, called Assume Nothing, which goes into searing detail about not only the alleged abuse, but also about how she flipped the script, regained her agency, helped bring her alleged abuser down, and how she has healed subsequently -- in no small part through meditation and therapy. Please note: If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, you can find resources curated by Tanya at the “full shownotes” link below. We’d also like to provide more context about the allegations Tanya shares in this interview: When the allegations of abuse against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman by Tanya and three other women were first made public in The New Yorker in May 2018, Schneiderman quickly resigned. In a statement at the time, he said, “serious allegations, which I strongly contest, have been made against me.” He also said, “While these allegations are unrelated to my professional conduct or the operations of the office, they will effectively prevent me from leading the office’s work at this critical time. I therefore resign my office.” After a six-month investigation, prosecutors declined to bring criminal charges against Schneiderman, citing legal impediments, including statutes of limitations. But the district attorney assigned to the case by Governor Andrew Cuomo also said that she “believed the women who shared their experiences” with investigators. In response, Schneiderman said, "I recognize that District Attorney Singas' decision not to prosecute does not mean I have done nothing wrong. I accept full responsibility for my conduct in my relationships with my accusers, and for the impact it had on them." I should also note that our team reached out to Eric Schneiderman and that he declined to comment for this episode. Two more items: First, remember to check out “In Plain Sight: Lady Bird Johnson,” a new podcast from ABC News, on Apple Podcasts (https://apple.co/ladybird), Spotify (https://spoti.fi/3ukYgoq), or wherever you’re listening now. Finally, we are looking for a podcast marketer at Ten Percent Happier. If you love this show, marketing, and building relationships, we would love to have you on the team to help us grow Ten Percent Happier and our future shows. Please apply at https://www.tenpercent.com/careers. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/tanya-selvaratnam-328

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Tom Bergeron, 'Dancing With the Stars' Host

Tom Bergeron, 'Dancing With the Stars' Host

On a live show, anything can happen, but Tom Bergeron trusts he can handle it. The host of ABC's hit dancing competition show, "Dancing With the Stars," has been meditating for over 35 years and credits his years of TM practice for keeping his cool and "responding appropriately" on the fly in front of judges, contestants and a live studio audience, as well as managing "a really bad temper."

20 Sep 201738min

Gretchen Rubin, 'The Four Tendencies'

Gretchen Rubin, 'The Four Tendencies'

In her new book, "The Four Tendencies," best-selling author and speaker Gretchen Rubin breaks down what she denotes as four different personality profiles -- Upholder, Questioner, Obligor and Rebel. Rubin, who is also the host of the popular podcast, "Happier with Gretchen Rubin," and calls herself an "Upholder," says "The Four Tendencies" help explain how we form or break habits, how we respond to "inner" expectations of ourselves, such as keeping a New Year's resolution, and how we meet "outer" expectations from others, such as making a work deadline.

13 Sep 20171h

Daniel Goleman, Dr. Richard Davidson, 'Altered Traits' (Bonus!)

Daniel Goleman, Dr. Richard Davidson, 'Altered Traits' (Bonus!)

Dan Goleman and Richie Davidson, both titans in their respective fields and best-selling authors, have co-written a new book out now entitled, "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body." Goleman, a renowned psychologist and science journalist, and Davidson, a prominent neuroscientist and founder of the Center for Healthy Minds, talk about their cutting-edge research in this new book, comparing brain activity of "Olympic level" meditators (such as monks) to meditation beginners and how mindfulness can be restorative for brain health.

8 Sep 20171h 11min

Justin von Bujdoss, Buddhist Chaplain at Rikers Island

Justin von Bujdoss, Buddhist Chaplain at Rikers Island

Justin von Bujdoss was working as a hospice chaplain in New York City, traveling all over the five boroughs and greater metropolitan area to visit patients, when he began volunteering at the city's notorious Rikers Island Jail. Von Bujdoss started out teaching meditation to groups of female inmates, but now he's the first ever staff chaplain for the city's Department of Corrections, providing spiritual and emotional support for officers, and he talks about seeing suffering on both sides of prison life.

6 Sep 201747min

Jaimal Yogis, A Surfer's Quest for Zen

Jaimal Yogis, A Surfer's Quest for Zen

Being out on a surfboard, when it's just you and the ocean, is "a meditative space," Jaimal Yogis said, "There's a certain amount of solitude that's just built into the experience." The longtime surfer and meditation teacher talks about his first memoir, "Saltwater Buddha," a coming-of-age story about running away at 16 and buying a one-way ticket to Maui to surf, joining a monastery and almost becoming a Zen monk and then launching a journalism career, and his second memoir, "All Our Waves Are Water," which is out now.

30 Aug 201744min

Robert Wright, 'Why Buddhism is True' (Bonus!)

Robert Wright, 'Why Buddhism is True' (Bonus!)

"Progress on the meditation path tends to involve moral progress. You tend to become a better person as well as a happier person... I personally think that you should not be allowed to call yourself enlightened if you're a jerk," said Robert Wright, a best-selling author with extensive knowledge on philosophy and religion. Wright, whose new book out now is titled, "Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment," offers his thoughts (and skepticism) on what it means to achieve true enlightenment and whether mindfulness meditation could change the world.

25 Aug 20171h 2min

LeAnn Rimes, Grammy-Winning Artist

LeAnn Rimes, Grammy-Winning Artist

LeAnn Rimes has been making a name for herself and her powerful voice since her early teens -- she's the youngest person ever to win a Grammy -- and the country music star's career includes writing books and appearing in TV series and movies, including the new film, "Logan Lucky." In our interview, Rimes opens up about another side of her life: How meditation has changed how she feels about herself and interacts with others.

23 Aug 201722min

Ethan Nichtern, 'The Dharma of The Princess Bride'

Ethan Nichtern, 'The Dharma of The Princess Bride'

"I don’t claim that ['The Princess Bride'] is a Buddhist story, but I do think it has some Buddhist elements," Ethan Nichtern said. "It's a deconstructed fairytale that's... really about trying to navigate relationships from this space of compassionately not knowing." Nichtern, a senior teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition, uses moments from the cult-classic movie in his upcoming book, "The Dharma of The Princess Bride," out Sept. 12, to illustrate his personal life -- he says his father's best friend is actor Christopher Guest, who plays the notorious "six-fingered man" -- and to discuss having compassion when figuring out relationships.

16 Aug 201759min

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