How Not to Ruin Your Relationships | Drs. John & Julie Gottman

How Not to Ruin Your Relationships | Drs. John & Julie Gottman

If you care about your long term health and happiness, the quality of your relationships is an area you should focus on. And the good news here is that love – as it applies to friends, family, and romantic partners – is not a factory setting, but instead a skill. Drs. John and Julie Gottman are the perfect guests to talk about how to cultivate good relationships in your life.


World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute and Affective Software Inc. as well as author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.


Dr. Julie Gottman is the Co-Founder and President of The Gottman Institute and Co-Founder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist and author, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. She is the co-creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.


This episode explores: how to talk (and listen) to your partner in moments of conflict; what to do before you start trying to solve a problem together; why “there’s no such thing as constructive criticism;” the details of John’s research findings, which have allowed him to predict with stunning accuracy whether a couple will get divorced; how the Gottmans themselves do when it comes to operationalizing their findings/advice; how and why betrayal occurs; when a couple should consider separating; the role mindfulness can play in healthy relationships; and the role of humor in relationships.


Content warning: There are a few mentions of sensitive topics, most notably domestic violence, which Julie discusses for a few minutes towards the end of the interview.


Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/john-julie-gottman-418


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Profs. Holly Richardson & Matt Jarman, Virginia Military Institute

Profs. Holly Richardson & Matt Jarman, Virginia Military Institute

Virginia Military Institute, a military college in Lexington, Virginia, was another stop on the cross-country meditation tour, where our host Dan Harris and meditation teacher Jeff Warren spoke to Profs. Holly Richardson and Matt Jarman, as well as a few cadets who have taken their classes. Jarman, a psychology professor who leads a "Modern Warriorship" course with meditation, and Richardson, a physical education professor who teaches a mindfulness class, both talk about how they teach cadets in a military environment that meditation can help them be more mentally efficient.

15 Mars 201743min

Sylvia Moir, Tempe, Arizona, Police Chief

Sylvia Moir, Tempe, Arizona, Police Chief

During their cross-county meditation bus tour in January, our host Dan Harris and meditation teacher Jeff Warren stopped in Tempe, Arizona, to talk with Sylvia Moir, who has been the head of the Tempe Police Department for the past year. Chief Moir says her mindfulness practice has not only helped her during high-stress police calls but also in how she engages with and leads her fellow officers.

8 Mars 201746min

Shinzen Young, Meditation Teacher

Shinzen Young, Meditation Teacher

Shinzen Young first became fascinated with Asian culture as a Jewish teenager growing up in Los Angeles in the 1950s. Now a renowned meditation teacher, Shinzen is deeply involved in scientific research into what meditation does for the brain and has a new book out called "The Science of Enlightenment."

1 Mars 20171h 34min

Billy Crudup, 'Jackie,' '20th Century Women' Actor (Oscars Bonus Episode!)

Billy Crudup, 'Jackie,' '20th Century Women' Actor (Oscars Bonus Episode!)

We're offering a special pre-Oscars edition of the podcast this week with actor Billy Crudup. Best known for his role as 70s rock star Russell Hammond in "Almost Famous," Crudup stars in two Oscar-nominated films this year, "Jackie" and "20th Century Women." A Broadway star as well as a movie actor, Crudup said he began practicing mindfulness as a way to help "triage" anxiety and panic attacks he experienced, including at three separate times while performing on stage.

24 Feb 201755min

Hannah Hart, Creator of YouTube's 'My Drunk Kitchen'

Hannah Hart, Creator of YouTube's 'My Drunk Kitchen'

Hannah Hart is best known for her bubbly personality and boozy cooking mishaps on her mega-popular YouTube series, "My Drunk Kitchen," so many fans were surprised to learn about her life-long private struggle of dealing with her family's mental health issues, as detailed in her memoir, "Buffering: Unshared Tales of a Life Fully Loaded." Hart said she turned to meditation while she was fighting to get conservatorship of her mother, who suffers from psychosis. (( Links and more info below... ))

22 Feb 201745min

Dr. Judson Brewer, Using Mindfulness to Beat Addiction

Dr. Judson Brewer, Using Mindfulness to Beat Addiction

Psychiatrist and addiction expert Judson Brewer was researching better treatment options for alcohol and cocaine addiction patients and found, through clinical studies, that meditation could significantly help break these behaviors or "habit loops" and prevent relapses. Brewer, who is now the director of research at the University of Massachusetts School of Medicine's Center for Mindfulness, founded a company called Claritas MindSciences, which uses neurofeedback techniques combined with mindfulness exercises for several conditions, from eating disorders to smoking addiction.

15 Feb 20171h 22min

Matthieu Ricard, French Monk and 'World's Happiest Man'

Matthieu Ricard, French Monk and 'World's Happiest Man'

Tibetan Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, who is originally from France, earned the moniker "world's happiest man" after brain scans taken during a neurological study on meditation (led by Dr. Richie Davidson) showed excessive activity in his brain as he meditated on compassion. A staunch vegetarian, Ricard talks about the importance of extending compassion to all beings, including animals, which he lays out in his new book, "A Plea for the Animals: The Moral, Philosophical, and Evolutionary Imperative to Treat All Beings with Compassion."

8 Feb 20171h 5min

Mary Karr, Best-Selling Poet and Master Memoirist

Mary Karr, Best-Selling Poet and Master Memoirist

Mary Karr has shared many dark pieces of her past in her memoirs, from a painful childhood, to a long struggle with alcoholism and depression, to living her entire life as an agnostic before becoming a Roman Catholic. It was when she said she found herself "sober in a mental institution" that she first began to pray and meditate, both of which are practices she continues today to stay centered.

1 Feb 20171h 1min

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