How Not to Ruin Your Relationships | Drs. John & Julie Gottman

How Not to Ruin Your Relationships | Drs. John & Julie Gottman

If you care about your long term health and happiness, the quality of your relationships is an area you should focus on. And the good news here is that love – as it applies to friends, family, and romantic partners – is not a factory setting, but instead a skill. Drs. John and Julie Gottman are the perfect guests to talk about how to cultivate good relationships in your life.


World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute and Affective Software Inc. as well as author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.


Dr. Julie Gottman is the Co-Founder and President of The Gottman Institute and Co-Founder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist and author, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. She is the co-creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.


This episode explores: how to talk (and listen) to your partner in moments of conflict; what to do before you start trying to solve a problem together; why “there’s no such thing as constructive criticism;” the details of John’s research findings, which have allowed him to predict with stunning accuracy whether a couple will get divorced; how the Gottmans themselves do when it comes to operationalizing their findings/advice; how and why betrayal occurs; when a couple should consider separating; the role mindfulness can play in healthy relationships; and the role of humor in relationships.


Content warning: There are a few mentions of sensitive topics, most notably domestic violence, which Julie discusses for a few minutes towards the end of the interview.


Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/john-julie-gottman-418


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Guided Meditation: 'A Reflection On the Important Things' by The Minimalists

Guided Meditation: 'A Reflection On the Important Things' by The Minimalists

With the holidays (and shopping season) upon us, we asked our friends The Minimalists (Ep. #32) for a short meditation to help us focus on what's truly important.

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Bonnie St. John, Former Olympic Skier, Motivational Speaker

Bonnie St. John, Former Olympic Skier, Motivational Speaker

Author, motivational speaker and former pro-skier Bonnie St. John had her right leg amputated at age 5, but that has never slowed her down. The San Diego native made a Paralympics run in 1984 and became the first African-American to win medals in Winter Olympics competition. A Rhodes Scholar, St. John went on to serve on the White House National Economic Council and has written seven books, including one with her husband called "Micro-Resilience," which outlines five frameworks for small "life hacks" to help boost focus and energy.

22 Nov 201744min

Charles Raison & Vladimir Maletic, Tackling Depression with a Mind-Body Approach

Charles Raison & Vladimir Maletic, Tackling Depression with a Mind-Body Approach

Chuck Raison, a psychiatrist and a professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin-Madison School of Medicine and Public Health, and Vlad Maletic, a clinical professor of neuropsychiatry and behavior science at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, wrote a book together called, "The New Mind-Body Science of Depression," in which they offer research on the mind-body connection, such as looking at the immune system, as a way to tackle depression. But their conversation also delves into the Tibetan Buddhist tradition of tummo, psychedelics and "dark" retreats.

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Andrew Scheffer, The Wharton Monk

Andrew Scheffer, The Wharton Monk

Andrew Scheffer's decision to try meditation after his freshman year of college launched him on a journey where he traveled the world, spent over a year training as a Buddhist monk and worked with the famed Buddhist master, Sayadaw U Pandita, before going on to earn an MBA from the prestigious Wharton School of Business. After working in finance, Scheffer founded and leads "Mindfulness Matters," a corporate training program that applies meditation practices to leadership skills, teaching all sorts of groups from hotel workers to financial managers.

8 Nov 20171h 1min

Shiza Shahid, Malala Fund Co-Founder

Shiza Shahid, Malala Fund Co-Founder

Growing up in a post-9/11 Pakistan, Shiza Shahid had what she called an "activist childhood," where she volunteered in prisons, refugee camps and disaster relief efforts after the 2005 Kashmir earthquake. When the Taliban issued an edict banning girls from going to school, the then-Stanford University sophomore created a secret summer camp in Pakistan for girls, one of which was a 12-year-old Malala Yousafzai. When Malala was shot in 2012 by a Taliban gunman, Shahid co-founded the Malala Fund to promote Malala's story of perseverance and advocacy for girls' education.

1 Nov 201743min

Leslie Booker, Activism and the Dharma

Leslie Booker, Activism and the Dharma

Leslie Booker was working as a wardrobe stylist, dressing models for a living, and was looking for a way to transition out of the industry and her winding path -- she lives a nomadic lifestyle -- eventually brought her to becoming a meditation teacher. A Navy brat who grew up in Virginia and Japan, Booker is also an activist who was involved in the Occupy Wall Street movement and has worked with incarcerated youth, and she shared her thoughts on how the Dharma has changed the way she approaches activism.

25 Okt 201754min

Adam Levin, X Ambassadors Drummer

Adam Levin, X Ambassadors Drummer

As the X Ambassadors' fame grew, drummer Adam Levin noticed he was always waiting for something to go wrong. With more success, came more anxiety, "and that's not a fun way to live," he said. Levin talks about how the rock star life drove him to meditation, as well as how the band works together, what lead singer Sam Harris goes through to care for his voice, and why Levin thinks the band's next album is "the best work" they've "ever done."

18 Okt 201732min

Sally Quinn, Walking the Labyrinth

Sally Quinn, Walking the Labyrinth

When author and journalist Sally Quinn needs a moment of peace or clarity, she said, "I walk the labyrinth." A labyrinth walk has long represented a journey or pilgrimage and Quinn uses it for walking meditation -- her late husband, legendary Washington Post executive editor Ben Bradlee, even built one for her at their Maryland estate. Quinn, who launched the Post's 'On Faith' website as a self-proclaimed atheist, talks about her new memoir, "Finding Magic," her notorious D.C. dinner parties and discovering meaning in her life through the years she spent caring for Bradlee as he suffered with dementia, their son, who had heart defect and severe learning disabilities, and her ailing parents.

11 Okt 20171h 2min

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