How to Disentangle from Toxic People | Lindsay C. Gibson

Buddhists don’t tend to shy away from talking about body parts -- but usually it’s more along the lines of meditating on things like spittle, defecation (otherwise known as poop) and the inevitable decay of the body. So where do sex and sexuality fit into this mix? Bottom line: how can we use sex to wake up? In this episode, I talk with dharma practitioners Devon and Craig Hase. They’re not sexperts by any stretch, but as a married couple who recently emerged from a year of monastic vows (which included celibacy), they’ve spent a lot of time exploring the intersection of mindfulness, meditation and sex. In fact, their new book How Not to Be a Hot Mess includes a whole chapter called, “Make Sex Good.” We start with a fascinating discussion about their own experimentation with esoteric, Tantric sex practices, but then veer directly into garden variety sex issues. It’s a fascinating chat, and I appreciate Devon and Craig being so open and honest on an intensely personal issue. Where to find Devon & Craig Hase online:  Website: http://devonandcraighase.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/devonandcraighase Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/devonandcraig/ Book: How Not to Be a Hot Mess by Craig & Devon Hase: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781611807981 There's still time to join and complete the Summer Sanity Challenge: a free 21 day meditation challenge. The goal here is to help you build resilience so that you are less buffeted by circumstances you can’t control -- and are therefore calmer, happier, and better prepared to show up the way you want to for your family and your communities. To join the challenge, you can visit tenpercent.com/challenge. Other Resources Mentioned: Mentoring page: http://devonandcraighase.com/mentoring Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781587612909 Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/devon-craig-hase-269

29 Juli 20201h 2min

I don’t know about you guys, but my sleep has suffered quite badly during the last few months. Today’s guest really got me thinking about this issue in a whole new way. First, he normalizes the sleep problems many of us are having. If you’re sleeping poorly right now, he says, don’t freak out; it is natural and normal. Second, he has a bunch of tips for how to deal with insomnia, some of which I had never heard before and am already starting to operationalize in my own life. His name is Donn Posner. He’s one of the leaders in the field of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia. His titles are: Founder and President, Sleepwell Consultants, and Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine. Not only did he answer all of my questions, but we also played him some listener voicemails. One last thing to say before we dive in: our episodes this week have a theme: primordial needs. Today we’re doing sleep; Wednesday it’s sex. So it’s a fun week here on the show.   Where to find Donn Posner online: Website: https://www.sleepwellconsultants.com/ Books: https://www.sleepwellconsultants.com/publications   Today is the first day of the Summer Sanity Challenge: a free 21 day meditation challenge. The goal here is to help you build resilience so that you are less buffeted by circumstances you can’t control -- and are therefore calmer, happier, and better prepared to show up the way you want to for your family and your communities. To join the challenge, you can visit tenpercent.com/challenge.   Other Resources Mentioned: Society of Behavioral Sleep Medicine: https://www.behavioralsleep.org/ American Academy of Sleep Medicine sponsored site to search for local accredited sleep centers: http://sleepeducation.org/find-a-facility   Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care   Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/donn-posner-268

27 Juli 20201h 18min

How do you optimize your performance when life is utterly disrupted by a pandemic? Are optimism and confidence trainable skills? Can we get over our fear of other people’s opinions? These are some of the questions we tackle in this episode. We have two guests. Pete Carroll is our first interviewee who has a Superbowl ring. He’s been the coach of the Seattle Seahawks for ten seasons. He’s also the co-author and co-founder of Compete to Create, which is many things: a firm that works with companies to create high-performing teams, an online course that anyone can take, and a new Audible Original audio book. Coach Pete’s partner in all of this is our other guest. Michael Gervais is a high performance psychologist who has worked with MVPs from every major sport and Fortune 100 CEOs. He’s also the host of a podcast called Finding Mastery. Where to find Pete Carroll online:  Website: https://petecarroll.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/PeteCarroll  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachpetecarroll/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/petecarroll/ Book Mentioned: Compete to Create Audible Origional: https://www.amazon.com/Compete-Create-Approach-Leading-Authentically/dp/B08911JMJX Where to find Michael Gervais online:  Website: https://findingmastery.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/MichaelGervais Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MichaelGervais/ Podcast Mentioned: Finding Mastery: http://smarturl.it/finding-mastery On July 27, we're launching the Summer Sanity Challenge: a free 21 day meditation challenge. The goal here is to help you build resilience so that you are less buffeted by circumstances you can’t control -- and are therefore calmer, happier, and better prepared to show up the way you want to for your family and your communities. To join the challenge, you can visit tenpercent.com/challenge. Other Resources Mentioned: Compete to Create: https://competetocreate.net/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/pete-carrol-michael-gervais-267

22 Juli 20201h 1min

At a time of multiple, mutually-reinforcing dumpster fires, meditation can seem counterintuitive. Instinctively, many of us might prefer to rush to the barricades, or Twitter, or the fetal position. But there is immense value in “doing nothing,” and we are going to explore that theme in this special episode. We’re bringing on two amazing meditation teachers, Jeff Warren and Sebene Selassie, to take your questions about the value of meditation in this difficult time. We discuss: how to work with a wandering mind; how to navigate the social anxiety many of us feel as we start to reopen; whether it’s possible to be mindfully depressed; and we explore the potential for gratitude at a time when it seems like everything sucks. The reason for this special edition of the show is that we at the Ten Percent Happier company are about to launch the Summer Sanity Challenge. It’s a free 21 day meditation challenge, starting July 27. Every day you'll get a short video followed by a free guided meditation to help you establish -- or reboot, or reinvigorate -- your meditation habit. You can do it solo, or you can invite your friends and family and see one another's progress. To receive updates on the challenge, visit tenpercent.com/challenge   Where to find Sebene Selassie online:  Website: https://www.sebeneselassie.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/sebeneselassie Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sebeneselassie Book Mentioned: You Belong by Sebene Selassie: https://www.sebeneselassie.com/youbelong Where to find Jeff Warren online:  Website: https://jeffwarren.org/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jeffwarren_/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jeffwarren.org/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/jeffwarren1001 Summer Sanity Challenge On July 27, we're launching the Summer Sanity Challenge: a free 21 day meditation challenge. The goal here is to help you build resilience so that you are less buffeted by circumstances you can’t control -- and are therefore calmer, happier, and better prepared to show up the way you want to for your family and your communities. To receive updates on the challenge, visit tenpercent.com/challenge   Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/summer-challenge-266

20 Juli 202043min

In Buddhism/meditation circles, desire or wanting is often considered a no-no. But is this line of thinking sometimes taken too far — or simply misunderstood? Can we turn our desires — for food, sex, etcetera — into areas to apply our meditation practice? Today we’re going to explore that notion with Cara Lai. She is a mindfulness teacher, psychotherapist, and artist. She is also a coach on the Ten Percent Happier app. (Side note: shout-out to all the coaches on the app. The fact that we have these highly trained individuals standing by to take your questions is yet another reason to subscribe!) Anyway, back to Cara. I first encountered her when I was on a retreat last year, and she was one of the teachers. She gave a dharma talk that was incredibly funny and shockingly honest. And, as you will hear, she brings that same spirit to this conversation. Where to find Cara Lai online:  Website: http://www.caralai.org/ On the Ten Percent Happier app, you can chat directly with living, breathing meditation coaches (including Cara), about your meditation questions. Once you've downloaded the app at tenpercent.com, you can navigate to your profile, then click "Ask A Question" under the coaching section to be connected with one of our experienced coaches. Other Resources Mentioned: Dukkha: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Du%E1%B8%A5kha Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/cara-lai-265

15 Juli 20201h 5min

Today we’re going to nerd out about what enlightenment (or, if that word is triggering, let’s just call it “high doses of meditation”) can do to your brain — and, more practically, how we can derive these benefits even if we don’t plan to spend decades living in a cave. My guest is Rick Hanson, Ph.D., psychologist and author of the new book Neurodharma. We go into the deep end, yes, but we also get very down-to-earth, talking about how anyone, including you, can “reverse engineer enlightenment,” and have “Nirvana operationalized in your nervous system.” Quick note that this was recorded right before the pandemic, but enlightenment is evergreen. Where to find Rick Hanson online:  Website: https://www.rickhanson.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/drrhanson Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rickhansonphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rickhansonphd/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/RickHanson Book Mentioned: Neurodharma by Rick Hanson: https://www.rickhanson.net/books/neurodharma You can find meditations from our world-class teachers and more wisdom from Rick Hanson on our app. Visit tenpercent.com to download the Ten Percent Happier app and kickstart your meditation practice. Visit tenpercent.com to sign up today. Other Resources Mentioned: Hippocampus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocampus U Pandita: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_Pandita Enlightenment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enlightenment_in_Buddhism Nirvana: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nirvana_(Buddhism) Robert Thurman: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Thurman Mark Epstein: http://markepsteinmd.com/ Joseph Goldstein: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Goldstein_(writer) Jhanas: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhy%C4%81na_in_Buddhism Stephen Batchelor: https://www.stephenbatchelor.org/index.php/en/ Neurodharma Online Program: https://www.rickhanson.net/teaching/neurodharma-online-program/ More Books: https://www.rickhanson.net/books/ Being Well Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936 Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/rick-hanson-264

13 Juli 202042min

"Mindfulness" has become a buzz phrase. There are books on mindful parenting, mindful lawyering, even mindful sex. But what does the word even mean? And how do you actually do it? In one of his most famous and foundational discourses, the Buddha was said to have laid out, in great detail, four ways to establish mindfulness. In today's episode we’re going to walk through these four "foundations" of mindfulness with Sally Armstrong, who started practicing in 1981, began teaching 15 years later, and now leads retreats all over the world. Before we start, I should note that we recorded this interview shortly before the pandemic and the racial justice protests, but we thought it might be a good time to drop a good, old-fashioned, meat and potatoes, stick to your ribs dharma episode to help us get back to basics.  Where to find Sally online:  Spirit Rock Profile: https://www.spiritrock.org/sally-armstrong Sally Armstrong on Dharmaseed.org: https://dharmaseed.org/teacher/153/ You can find meditations from our world-class teachers and much more on our app. Visit tenpercent.com to download the Ten Percent Happier app and kickstart your meditation practice. Visit tenpercent.com to sign up today. Other Resources Mentioned: S.N Goenka / https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/about/goenka  The 3 Characteristics / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_marks_of_existence The Four Noble Truths / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths Ajahn Sumedho / https://dharmaseed.org/teacher/10/ Insight Meditation Society / https://www.dharma.org/ Joseph Goldstein’s Book Mindfulness / https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Practical-Awakening-Joseph-Goldstein/dp/1622036050  Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sally-armstrong-263

8 Juli 20201h 5min

It’s easy to think of racism as a virus that lives in your head. But my guest today makes a compelling case that it also lives, in very profound and often unseen ways, in your body. Resmaa Menakem is a therapist and trauma specialist based in Minneapolis. He’s also the author of an excellent book called My Grandmother’s Hands, which people in my life have been recommending to me for years. Resmaa’s work is all about healing our bodies -- and, by extension, our nation -- from racialized trauma. And in Resmaa’s philosophy, racial trauma lives on in bodies of all colors, including white bodies such as mine. Resmaa gives voice to a new lexicon -- terms like “white body supremacy” and “somatic abolitionism” -- and don’t worry, he’ll explain it all as the interview progresses. He will also share practices that bring you into your body. And he has very provocative thoughts about how white people can do their part way beyond the current news cycle. Where to find Resmaa Menakem online:  Website: https://www.resmaa.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ResmaaMenakem Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resmaa  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resmaamenakem/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/rmenakem Book Mentioned: My Grandmother’s Hands: https://www.resmaa.com/store/my-grandmothers-hands-hardcover Check our our new, free collection of meditations called Relating to Race in the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/RelatingToRace  Other Resources Mentioned: Malcolm X: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcolm_X Stamped from the Beginning By Ibram X Kendi: https://www.ibramxkendi.com/stamped-from-the-beginning  Cherry Blossom Experiment: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190326-what-is-epigenetics Resmaa’s courses: https://www.resmaa.com/courses Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/resmaa-menakem-262

6 Juli 20201h 15min