The Science Of Burnout — And How To Recharge From Stress | Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Usually episodes of this show are organized around one big question, but today’s guest, Jonathan Haidt, is just too interesting for one clear focus. In this episode, we dig into a ton of fascinating topics, including: why it can make you happier to see your own irrationality and hypocrisy, the value of interacting with ideas you do not like, how to navigate social media sanely, how to get ahead at work (and stay happy in the process), the upside of striving, the wisdom of the Stoics, and more.  Jonathan Haidt is a renowned social psychologist from New York University’s Stern school of business and the author of many books, including: The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion, and The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are Setting Up a Generation for Failure. Since 2018, he’s been studying the contributions of social media to the decline of teen mental health and the rise of political dysfunction.  One other note: heads up that this conversation includes mentions of self-harm and suicide. In this episode we talk about: Haidt’s elephant and rider metaphor that explains how our minds’ operate How to use different techniques from hypnosis to Buddhist and Stoic practices to tame our unconscious Why we’ve evolved to be hypocrites and how admitting our flaws can help us come out ahead Buddhism as a counterpoint to our success oriented culture The deleterious effects of social media on democracy and young people’s mental health  Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jonathan-haidt-567

27 Feb 202353min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Very often, when somebody pisses us off, our first instinct might be to plan some sort of revenge even if we rarely, if ever, actually follow through with it. Obviously, the trait of revenge seeking is counterproductive and it happens to also feel terrible. All the great wisdom traditions tell us that we should be forgiving instead and this isn’t just some sort of finger wagging from the morality police; it’s just straight up good advice. It’s in your best interest not to be coiled up inside endless revenge fantasies. Of course, this is all easier said than done. Today, though, our guest, sujatha baliga, both says it, and does it. She has an extraordinary story: she was horribly abused by a family member, and then, after an encounter with his Holiness the Dalai Lama, learned how to forgive the seemingly unforgivable. What’s more, she now helps other people do that. Perhaps, starting now, even you. sujatha baliga is a long time Buddhist practitioner and internationally recognized leader in the field of restorative justice. She was named a 2019 MacArthur Fellow and is working on her first book.  Content Warning: This episode includes multiple references to violent and traumatic experiences, including homicide and incest. In this episode we talk about: Her personal story, including her early experience with sexual assault within her family Her life-changing encounter with his Holiness the Dalai Lama, and her experience with learning to forgive with the help of meditation Her experience working in the criminal justice system  Her definition of restorative justice, why she believes we need it, and the three key questions it asks in each case Whether there is evidence that restorative justice works The limits of restorative justice What happens if someone who is the victim of a crime does want traditional punishment or even revenge How you can apply what she’s learned in her life — including her time in the field of restorative justice — to our own lives And a specific meditation practice that can help you do it Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sujatha-baliga-565

22 Feb 202356min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Meditation and mindfulness doesn’t uproot your capacity to be judgmental, but it can help you see the value in being judgmental by learning how to work with the judging mind.  La Sarmiento has been practicing Vipassana meditation since 1998. La is a mentor for the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, a teacher with Cloud Sangha, and a contributor to the Ten Percent Happier app. In this episode we talk about: How mindfulness can help us identify when we’re being judgmental The difference between discernment and judgment How it can be so delicious to be judgmental of others – but why it’s actually harmful to ourselves and others The four questions to ask when we notice ourselves going into judgment mode  How to operationalize the phrase “am I suffering right now?”  Investigating the motivations behind striving for success  Why owning up to being a jerk is sometimes the exact right answer Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/la-sarmiento-564

20 Feb 202354min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- This is the last episode in our four-part series where we’re counter-programming against the way Valentine’s Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.  Today we’re probing a mystery: Why, from an evolutionary standpoint do we take heartbreak and rejection so hard? It can send the body and mind into a vicious spiral. As one genomics researcher has said, “heartbreak is one of the hidden landmines of human existence.“  There are countless pieces of art dedicated to heartbreak. Songs, movies, poems, the list is pretty much endless. But what does science say? Why does this happen to us? How exactly does the body react to a bad break up, from a romantic partnership, or a friendship or even a job? And what can we do to get over it? These are the questions the writer, Florence Williams decided to tackle after her own 25 year marriage fell apart. And the answers are fascinating. Florence Williams is a science journalist and author, and a contributing editor at Outside Magazine. Her latest book is called, Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey. It is just out in paperback, and has been nominated for the PEN/Wilson Award for Literary Science Writing.  In this episode we talk about: The passage of time as a way to heal all wounds The role purpose plays in recovery  William’s three part heartbreak recovery toolkit (calming down, connecting to other people and finding purpose) The connection between openness and resilience How to become more open to a lack of closure The good and bad news about heartbreak And, rejecting some of the conventional approaches to heartbreak Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/florence-williams-562

15 Feb 20231h 5min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.    Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends. This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.  In this episode we talk about: Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory” The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness  Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing) How to reframe social rejection The importance of generosity How to handle conflict with your friends The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships When to walk away from a relationship  How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines How to deal with social anxiety And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marisa-g-franco-561

13 Feb 20231h 9min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- If you’re part of a family, you’ve probably experienced some level of drama. Maybe it’s minor annoyances, like an uncle who chews too loudly. Maybe it’s divorce, sibling rivalry, or abuse. There are lots of flavors in this noxious cornucopia. Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed clinical social worker and the author of the new book Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. She’s here to talk about how to handle family drama of all types. This is episode two of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.  Content Warning: There are some brief mentions of rape and incest in this conversation. We also talk about substance abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic abuse. In this episode we talk about: Nedra’s own experiences with family dysfunction The terms boundary issues, enmeshment, and codependency The uncomfortable realization that you might be (at least part of) the problem The limits of compassion What to remember if you choose to spend time with a family member with whom you have a difficult relationship Why you should not “un-become” yourself just to fit in with your family Why shaming people doesn’t make them better–and what does The temptation of receding into a victim mentality, and how to avoid it When to end a relationship What the term “toxic forgiveness” means Some of the myths about forgiveness And her remedies for various family drama scenarios, including: How do you get your mom to see a therapist? Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/nedra-glover-tawwab-559

8 Feb 20231h 5min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- This episode is part one of our four-part series where we’re counter-programming against the way Valentine’s Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.  Today’s guest hews a bit more closely to the traditional Valentine’s Day theme and will do some myth-busting around all the things we tend to get wrong when we talk about romantic relationships.  Myisha Battle is the author of the book, “This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How To Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between.” She also hosts the podcasts Down for Whatever, and Dating White. Much of her public work focuses on the early stages of relationships, but in her private practice, she counsels people at all stages, and in all kinds of relationships.  Content Warning: Explicit language and conversations about sex.  In this episode we talk about: Five ways to improve intimacy and connection in romantic partnership The nuts and bolts of sex, and how we often get intimacy and sex confused in unhelpful ways Understanding men’s and women’s cycles to depersonalize issues in sex and relationships The myth of finding “the one” The orgasm gap Bromance And if you’re looking, tips on how to make finding a partner easier Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/myisha-battle-558

6 Feb 20231h 6min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- So many people are interested in their family tree. What kind of lives did our ancestors lead and what do their stories say about us? Today’s guest, Spring Washam, asks us to reckon with the people who have come before us in order to fully understand who we are and why we do the things we do. Washam is a well-known teacher, author, and visionary leader based in Oakland, California. She is the author of A Fierce Heart: Finding Strength, Courage and Wisdom in Any Moment and her newest book, The Spirit of Harriet Tubman: Awakening from the Underground. Spring is considered a pioneer in bringing mindfulness-based meditation practices to diverse communities. She is one of the founding teachers at the East Bay Meditation Center, located in downtown Oakland, CA and has practiced and studied Buddhist philosophy in both the Theravada and Tibetan schools of Buddhism since 1999. In this episode we talk about: How Spring came to write about Harriet Tubman’s life Her work with plant medicine and the shamanic traditions The dream and the “conversations” Spring had with Tubman Why we are all so interested in ancestry How we can deepen our relationship with our ancestors  Family Constellation Therapy as a modality for doing ancestry work  Spring’s own family history Why she is still processing the experience of writing her book about Harriet Tubman  What she means by the “inner underground railroad” and how it is alive today And, how, in the inner underground railroad, freedom equates to nirvana  Content Warning: mentions of suicide Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/spring-washam-556

1 Feb 20231h 19min