Stoic Advice for Handling Setbacks, Insults, and Death | William Irvine

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Friendship might not necessarily be something you’ve considered to be an urgent psychological and physiological issue. One thing we explore a lot on the show is that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life, and sadly, in many ways, it’s harder than ever to make and keep friends. With loneliness and disconnection on the rise, our society just wasn’t constructed for social connection, and recent data suggests we’re in a friendship crisis, with many of us reporting that we have fewer close friendships than ever. Our guest today is Robin Dunbar, an Emeritus Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at Oxford University and the author of numerous books on the development of homo sapiens. Dunbar is perhaps best known for formulating “Dunbar's number,” which is a measurement of the number of relationships our brain is capable of maintaining at any one time. He is a world-renowned expert on human relationships, and has a ton of fascinating research findings and practical tips for upping your friendship game. In this conversation, we dive into the science behind human relationships, the upsides and downsides of maintaining friendships on social media, the viability of friendships across gender lines, and what science says you can do to compensate if you feel you are currently lacking in close friendships.  Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/robin-dunbar-372-rerun

24 Okt 202255min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Relationships can be tricky. Especially if you find yourself upset with someone, and instead of talking it through, you let it fester until one moment you completely lose it and end up having to apologize. If you’ve ever felt like you had friction with the people in your life, or that you’ve been taken for granted, today’s episode offers you solid strategies to cope.  Sister True Dedication is a Zen Buddhist nun and teacher ordained by the great meditation teacher and author, Thich Nhat Hanh. She edited several of Thich Nhat Hanh’s books, including The Art of Living and Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet. She was born in the United Kingdom, studied history and political thought at Cambridge University, and worked for BBC News before ordaining as a nun at the age of 27. In this episode we talk about:  The six phrases – or mantras – that Thich Nhat Hanh recommended people use in their relationships Keeping misunderstandings “dust free” Taking action to make sure anger doesn’t fester The importance of recognizing that our understanding of the world is always partial Bringing mantras to work How Sister True Dedication went from journalism to the monastery Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sister-true-dedication-514

19 Okt 20221h 6min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- You may remember hearing a massively viral story from a few years ago about a school in Baltimore that gave students meditation, instead of detention.  Ali Smith, Atman Smith, and Andres Gonzalez founded the Holistic Life Foundation and are the authors of Let Your Light Shine, which recounts the story of their work helping traumatized children in one of America’s most underserved cities, and how mindfulness tools can help children and communities not only survive, but thrive.  In this episode we talk about:  The story behind their meditation-instead-of-detention initiative Their experience asking principals to give them the most challenging students What it’s like working in one of the most violent cities in the world The results from teaching students yoga and meditation How we can apply the lessons they’ve learned to meditation and life Content Warning: Explicit language. For a clean version of this episode, please listen on the Ten Percent Happier app or at tenpercent.com Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/ali-smith-atman-smith-andres-gonzalez-513

17 Okt 20221h 6min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- One of the great perils and problems of our age is that we sometimes become too entrenched in our views and attached to being right.  According to guest George Saunders, the antidote is something he calls “holy befuddlement.”  George Saunders is the author of eleven books, including Lincoln in the Bardo, which won the 2017 Man Booker Prize for best work of fiction in English. His most recent book, Liberation Day, is a collection of short stories that explore the ideas of power, ethics, and justice, cutting to the heart of what it means to live in community with our fellow humans.  In this episode we talk about: How George Saunders creates “holy befuddlement” in himself and in his readers How shaving down dogmatism can help us be, in his words, less of a “turd” How to deal with heightened expectations we might have of ourselves Healthy ways to enjoy praise What it looks like to cultivate a relationship with our self, to the extent that the self exists The importance of moral ambiguity in his work The impact of meditating – or not meditating – on our creative work  And forgiveness and coming up short Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/george-saunders-511

12 Okt 20221h 3min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- It might be hard to find a more annoying cliché than self-love; it can seem empty and inactionable. And even if you could make it work, I think many of us suspect it would lead to complacent resignation or unbridled narcissism. But there is an enormous amount of evidence that self-love, or as the scientists call it, self-compassion, can make you more effective in reaching your goals as well as lead to better relationships with everybody around you.  On today’s show, the great meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg will walk us through the idea that love— both self-love and other love— is a skill that can be cultivated with massively positive impacts.  Salzberg is a meditation pioneer, world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is one of the first to bring mindfulness and lovingkindness meditation to mainstream American culture over 45 years ago, inspiring generations of meditation teachers and wellness influencers. Sharon is co-founder of The Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, and the author of twelve books, including the New York Times bestseller, Real Happiness, now in its second edition, and her seminal work, Lovingkindness. Her forthcoming release, Real Life: The Journey from Isolation to Openness and Freedom, is set for release in April of 2023 from Flatiron Books. Her podcast, The Metta Hour, has amassed five million downloads and features interviews with thought leaders from the mindfulness movement and beyond.  This episode comes out in conjunction with Dan Harris’ recent TED Talk on self-love. You can watch the full talk here. In this episode we talk about: The definition of self-hatred and its predominance in the West The real practical benefits of self-compassion Whether there is a difference between self-compassion and self-love Why many people resist the idea of self-love The distinction between empathy and compassion and how they work together in Buddhism How to have lovingkindness for somebody who doesn't feel we have the right to exist Reclaiming words like love and happiness And how generosity makes us more whole Full Shownotes: www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sharon-salzberg-510

10 Okt 20221h

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Are you interested in suffering less? Today's guest, Dharma teacher Pascal Auclair, is going to talk about seven very specific and practical ways to train your mind for reduced suffering by exploring a Buddhist list called the seven factors of awakening, which is a part of the fourth foundation of mindfulness. We’ve talked about a bunch of Buddhist lists on the show before, but this is one of the happiest of all the lists to explore.  Pascal Auclair has been immersed in Buddhist practice and study since 1997, sitting retreats in Asia and America. He has been mentored by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield, who have both been previous guests on this show. Pascal is now a core teacher at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Massachusetts. He is also a co-founder of True North Insight and one of its guiding teachers.  This episode is the fifth and final installment of a series we've launched on the four foundations of mindfulness. In this episode we talk about: The movement from difficult states of mind to more beneficial and helpful states of mind How the 7 factors can help you create your “best mind” The difference between the “energizing” and “calming” factors  How to practically apply these factors to your daily life And specifically how the seven factors can improve your relationships Full Shownotes: www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/pascal-auclair-508

5 Okt 20221h 10min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Thoughts are not your enemy in meditation. If you’re getting distracted while you meditate, that’s not necessarily a problem. Thoughts are natural. They’re always going to come. The point is not to clear the mind and to magically eradicate all thinking, the point is to have a different relationship to your thoughts.  When we’re not mindful of our thoughts, they march into the room, tell us what to do, and we act them out, reflexively, habitually and automatically— like puppets on a string. Our guest today, Dharma teacher Tuere Sala, is going to talk about how to cut the strings of what can often be a malevolent puppeteer. Sala is a Guiding Teacher at Seattle Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock Retreat Center. She’s a former prosecutor who has practiced Vipassana meditation for over 30 years and is especially focused on bringing the dharma to nontraditional places. She is a strong advocate for practitioners living with high stress, past trauma and difficulties sitting still.  In this episode we talk about:  Why we get caught in our thinking Understanding that our thoughts are not who we are How to direct our attention away from negative thoughts How the idea of permanency causes suffering Using thinking itself as the object of our meditation Noticing mind states Relative reality vs. ultimate reality The eight states of mind and their felt sense in the body And Sala’s definition of true liberation Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/tuere-sala-510

3 Okt 20221h 11min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- The Buddha was an inveterate list-maker who gave us easy to remember checklists to help us do life better. One of the handiest lists the Buddha made was called the five hindrances, which is a part of the fourth foundation of mindfulness. This list outlines the five things that mess us up when we’re trying to meditate — or, in fact, when we’re trying to do anything. If you’ve got issues right now, odds are pretty high that you are in the throes of one of the hindrances. The excellent news is that the Buddha not only made a taxonomy of the hindrances but also a long list of antidotes. We’re going to run through all of this today with Bonnie Duran, a great dharma teacher who is making her second appearance on the show. Duran is a teacher and member of the Teachers Council at Spirit Rock Meditation Center and Director of the Center for Indigenous Health Research at the University of Washington’s Indigenous Wellness Research Institute. She combines extensive research and practice of Buddhism with her deep understanding of indigenous spiritual practices. This episode is the fourth installment of a series we've launched on the four foundations of mindfulness. In this episode we talk about: How the five hindrances manifest in our daily lives Using the RAIN technique to investigate the 5 hindrances Whether there is any type of desire that is helpful Cultivating a sky-like attitude How to not water the seeds of negativity  The similarities between Indigenous beliefs and what the Buddha taught How body scans can be an antidote to sleepiness And whether you can ever uproot the hindrances entirely Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/bonnie-duran-505

28 Sep 20221h 5min