Never Worry Alone | Dr. Robert Waldinger

Winter is coming. Not to get all Game of Thrones on you, but... while there are some optimistic signs on the horizon in the form of vaccines, it looks like we could be heading into some dark months of rising caseloads and restrictions on our lifestyle. Consequently, we are launching a 2-part series to help you ride this out. Next week, we will talk to happiness researcher Laurie Santos (host of the Happiness Lab podcast). Today, my guest today is Zindel Segal, a clinical psychologist from the University of Toronto and a pioneer in developing and studying ways to use mindfulness for depression and anxiety. While not all of us will experience clinical depression or anxiety in the coming months, we may well experience significant doses of sadness and worry. In this conversation, we talk about: what the science shows about the benefits of meditation for depression and anxiety; the importance of establishing and maintaining routines as a form of antidepressant; the differences between depression and anxiety; and how to treat depression like an old friend. Where to find Zindel Segal online: Website: https://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/psych/person/zindel-segal Twitter: https://twitter.com/zindelsegal Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Zindel-Segal-955303284518859/ Book Mentioned: Lost Connections by Johann Hari: https://thelostconnections.com 2020 has been a doozy, so this year we’re offering Ten Percent Happier subscriptions at a 40% discount. Get this deal before it ends on December 1st by going to www.tenpercent.com/november. Take Part in the New Year’s Series To submit a question or share a reflection dial 646-883-8326 and leave us a voicemail. If you’re outside the United States, you can email us a voice memo file in mp3 format to listener@tenpercent.com. The deadline for submissions is Monday December 7th. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/zindel-segal-303

25 Nov 202059min

When I first got interested in meditation, all the talk of the Buddha that I encountered in the various books I was reading and lectures I was attending seemed like more of a bug than a feature. I was looking for science-backed stress relief, not religion. But the more I learned, the more interested I became in the Buddha. He was, after all, not a god or a prophet. He was, based on the available evidence, a mortal man who made no claims about the creation of the universe. In fact, to the extent that he did make metaphysical claims, he explicitly told people: don’t believe anything because I tell you. Meanwhile, he laid out a set of meditation instructions and an approach to the human situation that, in my experience, are extraordinarily practical and valuable. And yet, many of today’s meditators don’t know much about who the Buddha was or what he actually taught. Hence today’s guest, the Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi. He was born Jeffrey Block in Brooklyn, became a Buddhist monk as a young man, and then went on to become one of the premier translators of Buddhist scripture. In this conversation, we talk about: why it can be so helpful for meditators to know what the Buddha taught; how these teachings survived for centuries before they were ever written down; how he makes sense of the teachings on karma and rebirth; the Buddha’s daily schedule; what kind of person the Buddha was; and what the Buddha taught about staying engaged in politics. Before we started rolling, I asked Bhikkhu Bodhi how I should address him, and he said many people call him “Bhante,” which is a term that is used in Buddhist circles to address monks, and translates into something like “venerable sir.” Where to find Bhikkhu Bodhi online: Website: https://bodhimonastery.org/ven-bhikkhu-bodhi.html Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bhikkhu.bodhi.1 Books Mentioned: •   The Noble Eightfold Path: The Way to the End of Suffering by Bhikkhu Bodhi http://www.noblepath.org/audio.html?fbclid=IwAR3dAFyckLujaBuYe1y8v0arh9UTq6XLsS_bQHq-layEdGVoA_cfoqVfODg •   Return to Life: Extraordinary Cases of Children Who Remember Past Lives by Dr. Jim B. Tucker: http://www.jimbtucker.com/return-to-life.html •   What the Buddha Taught by Walpola Rahula Thero http://www.ahandfulofleaves.org/documents/What%20the%20Buddha%20Taught_Rahula.pdf •   The Foundations of Buddhism by Rupert Gethin https://bookshop.org/books/the-foundations-of-buddhism/9780192892232 Other Resources Mentioned: •   Dr. Ian Stevenson’s research on Perceptual Studies (apparitions, past lifetimes, and near death experiences) - https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/who-we-are/dr-ian-stevenson/                                                              •   Buddhist Global Relief - https://www.buddhistglobalrelief.org/ Additional Resources: •   Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live •   Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide •   Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Show Notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/Bhikkhu-Bodhi-302

23 Nov 20201h 11min

What to do if you find yourself marooned at your Thanksgiving meal, facing a voluble uncle who is spewing political ideas you find abominable? Our guest today is overstuffed (see what I did there?) with practical ideas. I first met Bill Doherty several years ago, when I was doing a story for Nightline about a group called Braver Angels. The group was formed in the aftermath of the 2016 election, with the idea of bringing reds and blues together to create some mutual understanding and trust. As I watched the man moderating these seemingly incredibly successful discussions (ie no shouting, no rote recitations of slogans), I was really impressed. I later learned that he was both a marriage counselor and a meditator. So I invited him to come on the show. In this conversation, we discuss: why trying to change people’s minds or get them to abandon their core values is unlikely to be a winning strategy; the value of sticking with so-called “I” statements; and how to reach what he calls “accurate disagreement.” Please note: this interview was recorded before most of the tumultuous events of 2020, but it remains immovably relevant.  Where to find Bill Doherty online:  Website: https://braverangels.org Website: https://dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/billdoherty Full Show Notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/bill-doherty-301

18 Nov 202058min

It feels like the right time to drop a deep Dharma episode. And this one has a twist. Bonnie Duran is a professor in the Schools of Social Work and Public Health at the University of Washington, where she also directs the Center for Indigenous Health Research. She has spent decades studying and teaching Buddhist meditation, and also exploring the connections between the dharma and the indigenous wisdom of her forbears. In this conversation, we talk about: the connections between meditation and native ceremonies such as the sun dance; we explore a Buddhist list that I had never heard of, called the Seven Spokes of Sathipatthana; and she lays out a six word reflection for getting through crappy days. Where to find Bonnie Duran online:  Website: https://socialwork.uw.edu/faculty/professors/bonnie-duran Twitter: https://twitter.com/bonniemduran Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bonnie.duran Full Shownotes & Extra Resources: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/bonnie-duran-300

16 Nov 202051min

My guest today does a fantastic job of speaking in a not-at-all-annoying way about the inarguably important yet potentially very cheesy concept of self-love. Haemin Sunim is a Korean “mega monk” who has developed a massive online following and has written huge bestsellers. He’s also earned degrees from Berkeley, Harvard, and Princeton, and is the founder of South Korea’s School for Broken Hearts. In this conversation, we talk about how perfection resides only in your mind, how a celibate monk learned to give great relationship advice, and how he manages his own relationship to ambition. We also have a fascinating exchange about enlightenment. Where to find Haemin Sunim online: Website: https://www.haeminsunim.com/en Twitter: https://twitter.com/haeminsunim Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/haeminsunim/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/haemin_sunim/?hl=en Other Resources Mentioned: •   Love for Imperfect Things by Haemin Sunim - https://www.haeminsunim.com/books •   Haemin Sunim’s School for Broken Hearts - https://www.haeminsunim.com/school •   Song of Myself by Walt Whitman - https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-4 •   Ash Wednesday by T.S. Eliot - http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/t__s__eliot/poems/15133 Additional Resources: •   Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live •   Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide •   Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/haemin-sunim-299

11 Nov 20201h 2min

Kindness and empathy are loaded propositions right now. When you hear those words, you might think: Eh, those are soft skills that won’t help me get ahead. Or: If I’m too nice, I will get trampled. Or: I need my anger to be effective. Or: I am plenty nice -- it’s other people who need to up their game. My guest today will push back on all of these reservations, and tell us how -- and why -- to, as he says, “hack your empathy.” Jamil Zaki is a psychologist and director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He wrote a book called, The War for Kindness. In this conversation, we talk about how our modern culture is suffering from an “empathy deficit”; why he believes selfishness is a sickness; how to avoid empathy burnout; and the academic criticism that empathy is actually an outmoded and unreliable human capacity. Where to find Jamil Zaki online: Website: https://www.warforkindness.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/zakijam Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/warforkindness/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/warforkindness/ Full shownotes and list of other resources mentioned: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jamil-zaki-298

9 Nov 20201h 15min

In the wee hours of election night, we consult Lama Rod Owens on uncertainty, anxiety, rage, and self-care. Join Dan and Rev. angel Kyodo williams today, Wednesday, November 4 at 3 PM for a live conversation (and guided meditation) on the Ten Percent Happier YouTube channel. https://youtu.be/INrdKfw8YrU Full shownotes for this Special Post-Election episode: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/lama-rod-owens-297

4 Nov 202054min

Given that social media has been blamed for rising levels of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and political polarization, is it possible to use this technology wisely? That’s the question we dive into today with Randy Fernando, who is featured in a new Netflix documentary called The Social Dilemma, which is all about the many alleged pernicious impacts of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, et al. Randy is the co-founder and Executive Director of the Center for Humane Technology, and a longtime meditator. We start by talking about what he sees as the dangers of social media, but then get into a fascinating discussion, where he ticks off a ton of techniques -- informed by his knowledge of Buddhism -- to use social media that won’t cause you to lose your mind. Where to find Randy Fernando online: Website: http://www.randima.com Other Resources Mentioned: •   Center for Humane Technology - https://www.humanetech.com/ •   The Ledger of Harms: The Facts about Social Media's Harms - https://ledger.humanetech.com/ •   AllSides - https://www.allsides.com/unbiased-balanced-news •   Your Undivided Attention Podcast - https://www.humanetech.com/podcast •   Tips for Taking Control of Your Tech - https://www.humanetech.com/take-control •   Resources for Families & Educators - https://www.humanetech.com/families-educators Additional Resources: •   Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live •   Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide •   Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/randy-fernando-296

2 Nov 202049min