The Science Of Motivation: How To Make Habits That Actually Stick | T. Morgan Dixon and Dr. Gary Bennett

This pandemic is a colossal test of our patience - from dealing with family to interminably long wait times on calls with the unemployment office to just wanting this whole nightmare to evaporate so we can go back to the movies. We've got a special, two-part episode this week. In the first part, we bring on a pair of researchers who study patience. The good news: they have found that patience is a quality we can train and develop through meditation and other strategies, including cognitive reappraisal, transcendence, or just learning how to fake it until you make it. (Side note: we also fall into an interesting chat about the benefits of defensive pessimism versus strategic optimism.) After the researchers, we bring on legendary meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg for a deeper dive into how to use meditation to increase our patience, especially when it comes to interpersonal stuff (which, let's be honest, includes other people and ourselves). Our patience experts are Dr. Sarah Schnitker from the Psychology and Neuroscience Department at Baylor University, and Dr. Kate Sweeny from the Psychology department at the University of California, Riverside. Where to find our guests online: Dr. Kate Sweeny / http://www.katesweeny.com/ Dr Sarah A. Schnitker / https://www.baylor.edu/psychologyneuroscience/index.php?id=950614 Sharon Salzberg / https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/ Other Resources Mentioned: Wendy Wood University of Southern California (Habits Research) / https://www.marshall.usc.edu/personnel/wendy-wood Richie Davidson Research on Pain and meditation / https://news.wisc.edu/meditation-expertise-changes-experience-of-pain/ Walter Mischel Marshmellow Test / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App Access for Teachers, Healthcare, Grocery and Food Delivery, and Warehouse Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Get more focus and clarity by bringing mindfulness to your company with a team subscription to Ten Percent Happier! Visit tenpercent.com/work to learn more. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/patience-246

11 Maj 20201h 26min

What will we be like when this thing is finally over? Will we be even more fearful and divided? Or is there a realistically rosier scenario? This is just one of the subjects we explore in a wide-ranging conversation with Rev. angel Kyodo williams. We also talk about the disutility of guilt in the face of all the horror we’re witnessing in the time of COVID, and how to reclaim the word "love" from the land of hopeless cliché. I really enjoyed this conversation, especially how it warmed up as it went. By way of background, Reverend angel is the author of such books as Radical Dharma and Being Black. She is the second black woman to be recognized as a teacher in the Japanese Zen lineage. One of her main areas of interest is how to apply meditation to social issues such as race, climate, and economic inequality. A lot of people think meditation and activism are two separate things, but Rev. angel argues that "without inner change, there can be no outer change." In this chat, we start with big-picture issues, and increasingly move toward more personal stuff. She's one of those people who gets even more fascinating the more time you spend with her. Where to find Rev. angel Kyodo williams online: Website: https://angelkyodowilliams.com/ Twitter: angel Kyodo williams (@ZenChangeAngel) / https://twitter.com/zenchangeangel Facebook: Rev. angel Kyodo williams / https://www.facebook.com/zenchangeangel Instagram: angel Kyodo williams (@zenchangeangel) / https://www.instagram.com/zenchangeangel/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ZenChangeAngel We've been nominated for two Webby awards. If you love and want to support our work, please vote for us via links in the episode description. Vote for us in the health & fitness app category / https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2020/apps-mobile-and-voice/apps-mobile-sites-general/health-fitness Vote for us in the voice category / https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2020/apps-mobile-and-voice/general-voice/health-fitness-lifestyle Other Resources Mentioned: Tonglen Practice / https://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-practice-tonglen/ James Doty / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Doty_(physician) All About Love by bell hooks / https://www.amazon.com/All-About-Love-Visions-Paperback-ebook/dp/B078GL796R Loving Kindness Practice / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maitr%C4%AB Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide We want to deeply thank and recognize teachers, warehouse workers, grocery and food delivery workers, and healthcare workers for the essential role that they play in our lives. For FREE access to the app and hundreds of meditations and resources visit https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/rev-angel-kyodo-williams-245

6 Maj 20201h 8min

I call Gretchen Rubin the "Swiss Army Knife for Happiness." Present her with a problem, and she will flood you with practical, customized solutions. I love having Gretchen on this show not only because she's smart and funny and we're friends, but also because she provides some compelling counterprogramming. Most of our guests come from the meditation world, but Gretchen approaches happiness from a very different angle. She's a lawyer by training - she began her career clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor - who went on to write a series of books that examine small, doable ways to boost our happiness in everyday life. Her books include her breakout memoir The Happiness Project, and then follow-on bestsellers such as The Four Tendencies (which is a fascinating look at how different kinds of people form habits). In this interview, we explore a bunch of ways to improve your day-to-day life in this pandemic. We talk about: family relationships, decluttering, setting priorities, managing your relationship to technology, treating yourself without overindulging, and going easy on yourself versus expecting more from yourself. Where to find Gretchen Rubin online: Website: https://gretchenrubin.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/gretchenrubin Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GretchenRubin Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gretchenrubin/ Book Mentioned: Outer Order, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin / https://gretchenrubin.com/books/outer-order-inner-calm/about-the-book We've been nominated for two Webby awards. If you love and want to support our work, please vote for us via links in the episode description. Vote for us in the health & fitness app category. / https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2020/apps-mobile-and-voice/apps-mobile-sites-general/health-fitness Vote for us in the voice category. / https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2020/apps-mobile-and-voice/general-voice/health-fitness-lifestyle Other Resources Mentioned: Susan Kaiser Greenland / https://www.susankaisergreenland.com/ Some Good News / https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOe_y6KKvS3PdIfb9q9pGug The Four Tendencies Quiz / https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide We want to deeply thank and recognize teachers, warehouse workers, grocery and food delivery workers, and healthcare workers for the essential role that they play in our lives. For FREE access to the app and hundreds of meditations and resources visit https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/gretchen-rubin-244

4 Maj 202053min

On this episode, a bad news / good news situation. Let's start with the bad news: human beings are not wired for uncertainty. It short circuits our system. The mind wants to plan, to work things out - and, in a pandemic, that is basically impossible. The good news: meditation is perfectly designed to take the edge off, if not more. Our guest this week is Jack Kornfield, a pioneering meditation teacher, prolific author, a former Buddhist monk, and a clinical psychologist. We talk about: how to use meditation to embrace uncertainty, the importance of getting in touch with your own "tainted glory," and why we shouldn't fear the schmaltz. (That last one was mostly for me.) Where to find Jack Kornfield online: Website: https://jackkornfield.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/JackKornfield Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jkornfield Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jack_kornfield/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5JayBKk-Bynk6XnUnU7vLA Other Resources Mentioned: Lady Gaga Kicks Off ‘One World: Together at Home’ With Performance of ‘Smile’ / https://variety.com/2020/music/news/lady-gaga-smile-together-at-home-1234584282/ Spring Washam / https://www.springwasham.com/ Ram Dass / https://www.ramdass.org/ Neem Karoli Baba / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neem_Karoli_Baba Wangari Maathai / https://www.greenbeltmovement.org/wangari-maathai Preah Maha Ghosananda / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preah_Maha_Ghosananda Dolly Parton’s Poem / https://www.instagram.com/p/B-xdJu6FCR9/ Insight Meditation Society / https://www.dharma.org/ Jack Kornfield’s Meditations / https://jackkornfield.com/meditations/ Tara Brach / https://www.tarabrach.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers, Grocery Store & Food Delivery Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jack-kornfield-243

29 Apr 20201h 14min

No matter what your economic situation is, you have likely experienced some money worries during this pandemic. I know I have- and I say that as someone who is in an extremely fortunate position. So many people have lost businesses, lost jobs, had salaries cut- or we are worried about one of these things happening to us. Given the massive insecurity and uncertainty abroad in the land, we wanted to explore a Buddhist approach to financial concerns. It's not like the Buddha never said anything on this matter. He wasn't expecting all meditators to live in caves with shaved heads. There's a ton of useful stuff in Buddhism on the issue of money, and there are a lot of meditative techniques for handling our financial anxieties. So we brought on a great Buddhist teacher by the name of Ethan Nichtern. He's been on the show before. He has written a few books, including one called The Road Home. He also hosts a podcast by the same name. We had a great chat, and I'm excited to bring it to you. Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Where to find Ethan Nichtern online: Website: https://www.ethannichtern.com/ Social Media: Twitter: Ethan Nichtern (@ethannichtern) / https://twitter.com/ethannichtern Facebook: Ethan Nichtern / https://www.facebook.com/EthanNichtern/ Book Mentioned: The Dharma of the Princess Bride, by Ethan Nichtern / https://www.amazon.com/Dharma-Princess-Bride-Buddhism-Relationships/dp/0865477760 Other Resources Mentioned: Sharon Salzberg / https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/ Bodhisattva / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodhisattva The Eight Worldly Winds / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outline_of_Buddhism#Eight_Worldly_Conditions Joseph Goldstein / https://10percenthappier.app.link/TEXKruciQ5 Buddha’s Brain, by Rick Hanson / https://www.rickhanson.net/books/buddhas-brain/ The Road Home podcast / https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-road-home-with-ethan-nichtern/id1392813061 Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright / https://www.amazon.com/Why-Buddhism-True-Philosophy-Enlightenment/dp/1439195455 Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives by Adam Grant / https://www.amazon.com/Give-Take-Helping-Others-Success/dp/0143124986 Invisible Hands / https://www.invisiblehandsdeliver.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/ethan-nichtern-242

27 Apr 20201h 11min

Jeff Warren is someone for whom I have a special affection. We chronicled our friendship in a book we co authored, called Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics, in which we took a gonzo cross-country bus trip to help people overcome various obstacles to establishing a meditation practice. On that trip, I started calling him "Meditation MacGyver," because he is a loveable, excitable meditation nerd who can seemingly come up with practices for any person in any circumstances. He even got my wife meditating (after years of refusing to do so because I had been so annoying when I pestered her to practice). So, who better to turn to in this crisis? By way of background, Jeff is a meditation teacher, based in Toronto, where he helps run a group called the Consciousness Explorers Club. He is also featured in many of the courses and guided meditations on the Ten Percent Happier app. He is brilliant and hilarious and, as you will hear, very open about his own personal struggles. Where to find Jeff Warren online: Website: https://jeffwarren.org/ Jeff on Ten Percent Happier: https://10percenthappier.app.link/jeff-warren Social Media: Facebook: Jeff Warren / https://www.facebook.com/jeffwarren.org/ Instagram: Jeff Warren (@_jeffwarren_) / https://www.instagram.com/_jeffwarren_/ YouTube: Jeff Warren / https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUOpVNy60LTCmAwfZ6zOroQ Resources Mentioned: Shinzen Young / https://www.shinzen.org/ A Common Language / https://jeffwarren.org/articles/a-common-language/ A Night Practice / https://jeffwarren.org/articles/a-night-practice/ Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace / https://www.amazon.com/Infinite-Jest-David-Foster-Wallace/dp/0316066524 Consciousness Explorers Club / http://cecmeditate.com/ Watchmen Sharon Salzberg & Joseph Goldstein Retreat: https://www.dharma.org/joseph-goldstein-sharon-salzberg-shelter-for-the-heart-and-mind-an-online-retreat/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jeff-warren-241

22 Apr 20201h 16min

Most, if not all, of us are experiencing a cocktail of challenging emotions these days - whether in the background or in the foreground of our psyche. Speaking personally, I thought my primary issue was anxiety, but I had a vague sense that maybe it was more than that. Then I read an excellent, widely-circulated article that put a name to at least one aspect of my nameless, miasmatic dread. The article was from the Harvard Business Review, and the headline was, "That Discomfort You're Feeling is Grief." The article featured an interview with a grief expert named David Kessler, who explained that there are many flavors of grief. Some of us are grieving people we've lost, but millions more are grieving a way of life or a sense of security that seems lost - or we're experiencing anticipatory grief about an uncertain future. Not only was it helpful for Kessler to name this phenomenon, but he also had a bunch of excellent thoughts about how to manage it, including the exhortation to find meaning in this mess. In fact, that's the name of his new book: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. So we invited him on. Here he is: David Kessler. Where to find David Kessler online: Website: https://grief.com/ Social Media: Twitter: @IamDavidKessler / https://twitter.com/iamdavidkessler Instagram: @iamdavidkessler / https://www.instagram.com/iamdavidkessler/ Facebook: David Kessler / https://www.facebook.com/IamDavidKessler/ Books Mentioned: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief / https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Meaning-Sixth-Stage-Grief/dp/1501192736 On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss / https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through/dp/0743266293 Other Resources Mentioned: David's Online Grief Group / https://www.facebook.com/groups/DavidKessler David's Harvard Business Review Article / https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief Paul Denniston & Grief Yoga / https://griefyoga.com/ Bessel van der Kolk / https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/ Elizabeth Kubler Ross / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_K%C3%BCbler-Ross Elizabeth Kubler Ross Foundation / https://www.ekrfoundation.org/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/david-kessler-240

20 Apr 202043min

It's easy to add insult to injury in this pandemic by beating ourselves up. Why are we not exercising more? Eating less? Or boosting our productivity? Kristin Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin, says we need to give ourselves a break. To be clear, that does not mean relinquishing our high standards. Neff is one of - if not the - world’s leading experts on self-compassion. That's a squishy-sounding term, but there is a lot of hard-nosed evidence behind it. Per Neff, not beating yourself up does not equate to being lazy. It's about knowing the difference between healthy perfectionism and maladaptive perfectionism. It's about going easy without going soft. The smart, sparing use of the inner cattle prod. This was exactly the conversation I needed to have right now. Where to find Kristin Neff online: Website: https://self-compassion.org/ Social Media: Twitter: @self_compassion / https://twitter.com/self_compassion Facebook: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. / https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion Other Resources Mentioned: Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems / https://ifs-institute.com/ Evelyn Tribole, Intuitive Eating / https://www.evelyntribole.com/ Chris Germer / https://chrisgermer.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Health Care Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-239

15 Apr 20201h 3min