The Resentment Sandwich (Resentment, People Pleasing & Owning Your Shit)

What are you feeding yourself?

Years ago, I was standing in my kitchen making jelly toast for toddler Parker while absolutely SEETHING with resentment about the general bullshit imbalance of motherhood.

Then I watched his tiny little hand pick up a piece and thought: Oh my God. I just fed this baby a resentment sandwich.

And yes, I know resentment is not an actual condiment.

But that moment changed the way I thought about emotional regulation, people pleasing, and what it actually means to take responsibility for your own shit.

Because we like to think that as long as we aren't yelling at anyone, our resentment, anxiety, anger, shame, and fear are ours alone.

They're not.

We bring what we're carrying into the room.

In this episode, we're talking about what resentment is actually trying to tell you, why nervous system regulation lets you care deeply without being consumed by everything you care about, and a version of self-love that is a whole lot less floofy than you might think:

Stop feeding yourself shit you would never feed someone you love.

You don't need to never feel messy emotions.

You just need to notice what's on the knife before you spread it all over everything.

Do no harm. Take no shit. Eat no shit.

The Calm AF Community is opening its doors September 23–25. Courtney is joining us as our Community Hostess with the Mostest, and if you want to see what this work and community actually feel like from the inside, join the interest list below.

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More resources → QUIZ: Find your nervous system pattern

Every nervous system gets stuck in a specific pattern — tired-wired-hypervigilant is one; there are two others. Knowing yours changes everything. Take the 3-minute quiz: Which Nervous System Dysregulation Pattern is Keeping You Stuck?

→ Private Coaching

For direct access and the highest level support + accountability, apply for Private Coaching

→ Daily reminders: Start your day regulated

The Daily Recalibration sends quick, to the point love letters straight to your inbox every morning to help your nervous system stop defaulting to people pleasing, overfunctioning, and self abandonment. Get the Daily Recalibration

→ Listen When...

A short audio to listen to in the moment, when you're lying there spinning — me in your ear, talking to your body, walking you back down. Save it now while you're calm: Listen When You're In A Thought Spinout

→ Full transcript

Read the episode and get the tools from this episode: Ep 374 The Resentment Sandwich (Resentment, People Pleasing, And Owning Your Shit