The Narcissist Is Gone… So Why Are You Still Thinking About Them 24/7?

Episode Summary If the narcissist is no longer in your life but your mind still won’t let them go — replaying memories, overanalyzing past conversations, or bracing for a blow that isn’t coming — you are not alone. Obsessive thinking after narcissistic abuse is a normal trauma response, not a sign that you miss them or that something is wrong with you.

In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly why your brain keeps looping back to the narcissist 24/7, what your nervous system is trying to protect you from, and how trauma bonds + hypervigilance get wired into your body. You’ll learn the steps to interrupt the loop, calm your system, and finally start reclaiming your peace and mental space.

This is your guide to taking your mind back — one breath, one shift, one moment of safety at a time.

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TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Girl, if the narcissist is long gone, but your brain is still acting like they're standing in your kitchen judging the way you slice strawberries. This episode is for you because today we're talking about why your mind won't shut up about them, even though you know they're toxic, they're gone, they're blocked, whatever, and hopefully living their best, irrelevant life. Alright, let's get your peace and your brain back online. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:01) Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. All right, Queens, welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast. It's Christy Jade, your coach, your hype woman, your peace protecting partner, most importantly. And today we are going deep into one of the biggest things I hear from survivors. Christie, why am I still thinking about them all the time? I don't even want to. You are not crazy. You're not weak. I'm going to repeat that again. You are not weak. You are not stuck in the past. Even your brain is literally doing exactly what it was trained to do under trauma.

(02:02) Today, you're going to understand why this happens. And more importantly, how to stop the obsessive loop so you can reclaim that big, beautiful queen brain of yours. Alright? So the truth that you have never really been told here is the wildest part. Your brain isn't thinking about the narcissist, it's thinking about danger. But because the narcissist was the danger, your brain glued the two together. So during the narcissistic abuse, your nervous system learns, if I don't predict their behavior, I might get hurt. If I don't stay hyper aware, I won't see the next explosion coming. Or if I miss a signal, chaos will hit. So your brain starts scanning, monitoring, remembering, analyzing. Also, you can, it's trying to help you out, sister, okay? But guess what? Your nervous system doesn't just magically unlearn that pattern just because the narcissist is gone. It's like firing a horrible employee.

(03:14) But your security alarm still go off every time the wind blows, right? The thread is gone, but the wiring is still on. It's still there. All right? So the three reasons your brain won't let go first, your body is still in survival mode. So hyper vigilance is actually a physical state, not an intellectual decision. So even if you know the narcissist is gone, your nervous system, your body basically has not caught up with that yet. Okay? Two, your brain got addicted to predicting the unpredictable. Say that five times best. Alright, I call this the mental Olympics. You trained your brain and it's not your fault, right? But you did it. It was a thing for a safety trained your brain to analyze every micro expression, every text tone, every sigh they made, your brain became a full-time detective. Now it's retired, but it's still pacing around with its magnifying glass saying, what do I do now?

(04:28) What do I do now because it's addicted? And number three, trauma bonds are real chemicals. They are not choices. Dopamine plus cortisol plus intermittent reinforcement equals your brain learned to chase clarity from someone who never gave it. Okay, I'll say that again. Your brain learned to chase clarity from someone who never gave it. It really wanted that clarity, didn't it? You know what I'm talking about, girl? So those loops don't shut off overnight. And again, it is not your fault. It is not your fault at all. Take a deep breath, release that shit. It's not your fault. So here's the shift time why you can finally let them go. Here's the good news. We want good news in this, right? Your brain can be rewired, it can learn safety again. It can learn peace again. It can learn you again. I love that part. It can learn you again.

(05:39) You are not condemned to think about them forever. You just haven't given your nervous system the okay to stop doing the job it was forced into or it hasn't totally processed it. And healing isn't about forgetting them. It's about retraining your system to stop anticipating danger. I'm going to say that again. It's about retraining your system to stop anticipating the danger. And that's what we're going to do next. The break the loop blueprint. Let's do it. Here are the exact three practices that help myself. Some of my clients stop the obsessive thought cycles fast and for real. Okay? So first, you ground your body before you try to fix your thoughts. We are in our heads, right? Survivors are in their heads all the time, but the thoughts live in the mind. The trauma loop lives in your body and your body has to feel safe before your mind can actually let go.

(06:53) So it's kind of like we try to do it reversed, right? Do this, put your hand on your chest. Inhale for four seconds and exhale for six. You always want to exhale a little longer during these sessions. Inhale 4, 3, 2, 1, and exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Feel your feet on the floor. Say, I am safe in this moment. Okay? This is telling your brain we're not in danger anymore. Now, you can interrupt the loop with curiosity, not criticism. So instead of, oh, why am I still thinking about them, which I have heard more than I can even count, try, what is my brain trying to protect me from right now? What is my brain trying to protect me from? This flips the script from shame to self-understanding. What is my brain trying to protect me from?

(08:00) And then you replace the survival job with a new one. Your brain's very busy. She's go-getter. She's an amazing queen. She got a queen brain, got to keep her shiny. She's got jobs to do. She needs a new job. So what are some jobs we could do here? Noticing pleasure, noticing your breath, noticing stillness, noticing what feels good, noticing you who you are, your truth, your beliefs. This is why this somatic work changes everything. I've been doing so much somatic work with my clients recently. And girl, if you want that deep somatic healing, I'm talking that body shift where the body just gets to rewrite, release, truly shift so that the mind can let go too. You need to do somatic work with me. You need to. It's you got to go sign up right now. Pause this, go to my show notes and sign up for one of my packages.

(09:10) They're always there in the show notes. Anyway, somatic healing is mind blowing. If you want to find out more too, click on the link and it will give you a little more description than I'm giving you right now. But when your body learns that safety, your brain can start to slow down. That scanning eventually stop. That's the goal. To stop all the scanning, the living and hypervigilance is exhausting. I know I've been there. Okay, so your obsessive thoughts do not mean you actually miss them. They don't mean you're weak. I'm going to repeat that 80 times in today's episode. They don't mean you're weak. They don't mean you're failing at healing. They mean your brain is loyal. It's protected you for a long time. This could be from the person you have in mind right now. Could also be someone, a parent, a sibling, someone in your childhood.

(10:13) It could be stacked together, multiple people, but your brain has been protecting you. And now we have to teach at peace. And you don't have to do that alone, right? This is why I help women do what we do every single day. Let's get your life back. Let's get your mind back. Let's get you back. The real you that you deserve to have hosting this life, right? Not living in this constant obsessive thoughts in general, the anxieties of the hypervigilance, and then the thoughts about them. So definitely sign up in my show notes. I have limited availability, but I am taking, probably can squeeze in one or two clients. And when you sign up, we will figure out a schedule that works for you. Don't worry. So if you sign up, don't worry, I have enough space in my calendar. I do this on purpose where I leave space for you guys, so I can really, really give my all to each of you. Okay?

(11:25) That's it for this week on, not this week for today, Thursday, later this week, we'll do a little extra somatic exercise related to this. And don't forget to follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow my podcast on my main page. Hit the follow button of wherever you're listening so you don't miss an episode, and you can join my free Facebook private group. Okay? It's private. It is not public. I go through every single, this is one of the pains in my asses of what I do. One of those backend of business things they call it. I go through everyone's questions. I make sure you are legit people. That's why you have to give your email address. I'm very, we're keeping you people safe and private, okay? So it a safe, private space where women like you are there and we can chat and share stories, and I'll do little live videos. So go join that sign up for somatic Healing with me. If you want true transformation, if you feel like your brain is all over the place and you just feel ready to heal, but don't know what to do, you have these obsessive thoughts. I'm your queen master. We're going to master this together. Okay? So love you guys. See you in the next episode.