How to Turn a Boy Into a Man

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

A lot of young men today struggle in finding their footing in adulthood. They feel lost, directionless, and unsure of who they are and how to confidently and competently navigate the world.

Part of the reason for this is that most young men today lack something which was once a part of nearly every culture in the world, but has now almost entirely disappeared: a rite of passage.

My guest today didn’t want his son to flounder on the way to maturity, nor to miss out on having an initiation into manhood, so he set out to create a 6-year journey for him that would help him move from boy to man. His name is Jon Tyson, and he’s the author of The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character. Today on the show, Jon unpacks the components of the years-long journey into manhood he created for his son, beginning with how he brainstormed those components by doing “The Day Your Son Leaves Home” exercise. We then discuss how old Jon’s son was when he started his rite of passage and why it began with him having a “severing dinner” with his mom. We get into what his rite of passage consisted of, from the kickoff ceremony to the challenges, experiences, trips, and daily rituals Jon used to impart values and teach his son the “5 Shifts of Manhood.” Jon shares how moving his son’s focus from being a good man, to being good at being a man, helped him get remotivated to continue the process, why his rite of passage included a gap year after high school, and how Jon celebrated the end of his son’s journey into becoming a man. We also discuss whether Jon did something similar with his daughter. We end our conversation with some key principles any dad can use to start intentionally helping their kids become well-rounded individuals who can confidently step out on their own and into the world.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: The Importance of Fathers
• AoM Article: The Importance of Male Rites of Passage
• AoM Article: Male Rites of Passage From Around the World
• AoM Article & Podcast: Man’s Need for Ritual
• AoM Series on the origins, elements, and future of manhood
• AoM Article: The 7 Habits — Begin With the End in Mind
• AoM Article: The 3 Families Every Young Man Needs to Grow Up Well
• James Hollis
• AoM Article: Carry the Fire
• Art of Manliness’ Carry the Fire Zippo Lighter
• AoM Article: What Is Manliness?
• AoM Podcast #527 With Richard Rohr
• The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip and Dan Heath
• The Way of Men by Jack Donovan
• AoM Podcast #49 With Jack Donovan
• AoM Series on the Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine
• AoM Article: 100 Skills Every Man Should Know
• AoM Article: 80+ Quotes on Men & Manhood

Connect With Jon Tyson

• Primal Path
• Jon on Twitter
• Jon on IG

0:00 Introduction

0:29 Guest Introduction: John Tyson & The Intentional Father

2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys

4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage

8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise

10:47 Building an Asset Map & Community of Fathers

13:37 The Severing Dinner with Mom

17:10 The Beach Initiation Ceremony at Age 13

20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots

28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood

31:52 Daily Morning Talks, Books & Movies

42:32 Good Man vs. Good AT Being a Man

46:28 The Archetypes: Lover, Leader, Warrior, Brother, Sage

50:01 The Life Arc Interview

56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal

1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony on the Camino de Santiago

1:04:44 Doing Something Similar for His Daughter

1:09:09 Key Principles Any Dad Can Start With Today

That's 17 — let me trim to the 12 most distinct:

0:00 Introduction & Why Rites of Passage Have Disappeared

2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys

4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage

8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise

13:37 The Severing Dinner & Beach Initiation Ceremony

20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots

28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood

31:52 Daily Talks, Books & Movies

42:32 Good Man vs. Good at Being a Man

50:01 The Life Arc Interview

56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal

1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony & Key Principles for Any Dad

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