I Was Drinking Mouthwash Because It Was Cheaper Than Vodka & I Didn’t Feel Shame Buying It — My Family Had to Replace Every Bottle in the House With Alcohol-Free

Episode 46 | Jen Hirst — 12.5 Years Sober: The Minnesota Coach Who Drank Mouthwash, Hid in the Sober Closet for Four Years & Built Lighthouse Sobriety

In this warm, searingly honest and deeply relatable episode, Jimmy sits down with Jen Hirst — founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, sober coach, and one of the most open voices in the US recovery community — whose story spans a perfectionist childhood, a devastating breakup that planted the seed, a wedding morning she drank through just to survive, and years of mouthwash, rotating liquor stores and hidden bottles before April 24th 2013 changed everything.

Jen grew up in Minnesota in a loving, high-achieving family where her grandfather was an alcoholic but her parents rarely drank. The pressure she put on herself — to get the grades, win the awards, earn love through achievement — created an anxiety she had no tools to manage. Drinking, when it arrived at 15, didn’t ignite anything immediately. It was a breakup at college — her second boyfriend wanting to go on a break — that planted the real seed. A housemate offered her Adderall to take the pain away. It worked instantly. She thought: if that works, so will alcohol. And from that moment, she was using it as medicine.

What followed was a ten-year progression — social drinking that became secret drinking, that became solo drinking, that became hiding bottles in her closet after her fiancé went to bed, that became rotating liquor stores with sunglasses and a hat, that became drinking before dates, drinking before going out, drinking at her dad’s office while hiding vodka in her desk. Through it all she maintained enough of a veneer — the job, the relationship, the functioning surface — that nobody quite believed it. A month before her wedding she told her fiancé she thought she was an alcoholic. He said: “No you’re not.” She said okay.

On the morning of her wedding she was drinking vodka to manage the anxiety. She blacked out the night before. She doesn’t remember the evening. Two days after the wedding she stopped hiding it — just collapsed, stopped going to work, stopped pretending. Her husband looked at her and thought: what did I marry?

Then began a year and a half of attempts: AA drunk, then outpatient, then inpatient at Hazelden, then relapse, then a second DUI on Valentine’s Day 2013, then a breathalyser fitted in her home, then being kicked out, then drinking mouthwash — because it was cheaper, because there was no shame buying it in Target, because her family had started hiding or replacing the real stuff. She blew a 0.34 at detox. She was alone, $200 to her name, no job, no car, no home to go back to.

On April 24th 2013 she just knew. No fanfare. Just done.

Now 12 and a half years sober, Jen coaches women through the first weeks of sobriety with six daily habits and a 10-minute walk, and lives by a simple truth: you will not die from feelings.

Jen’s website is here:

https://www.joinlighthousesobriety.com

You can find Jen on Instagram at:

https://www.instagram.com/jenleehirst

Jen's Linktree is here:

https://linktr.ee/jenleehirst

Beyond the Booze by Sarah Rusbatch:

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Buy me a coffee…

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My Instagram is:

https://www.instagram.com/recovery_jimmy

And you can find all my other links at:

https://linktr.ee/jimmythistle

Buy me a coffee…

https://buymeacoffee.com/afterhourswithjimmyt

Alcohol Explained - William Porter

https://a.co/d/0854fIb6

This Naked Mind - Annie Grace

https://a.co/d/0gy6mT9Z

A Million Little Pieces - James Frey

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Donate:

https://motiv8.im/donate/

https://nacoa.org.uk/get-involved/donating/donate/

My Instagram is:

https://www.instagram.com/recovery_jimmy

And you can find all my other links at:

https://linktr.ee/jimmythistle

Buy me a coffee…

https://buymeacoffee.com/afterhourswithjimmyt

Alcohol Explained - William Porter

https://amzn.to/4uMmkyB

This Naked Mind - Annie Grace

https://amzn.to/4eC6L6z

A Million Little Pieces - James Frey

https://amzn.to/44jOV3i

Donate:

https://motiv8.im/donate/

https://nacoa.org.uk/get-involved/donating/donate/

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