Breaking the Cycle of 'Emotionally Immature' Parenting: Healing Insights from a Psychotherapist

Looking for ADHD support this summer? My entire 'ADHD Women's Wellbeing Series' is on offer this July. Head here to learn more about the workshops and use code JULY to get 35% off. Some of the deepest childhood wounds don't come from parents who shouted or hurt us. Sometimes they come from parents who simply never had the tools to truly see us. On this week's episode of The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, I'm joined by Sian Crossley, a London-trained psychotherapist, author and the founder of Break the Cycle Coaching. With a background in both private practice and the NHS, Sian specialises in helping adults understand and heal from the lasting impact of emotionally immature parenting. Through her writing, courses and online community, she helps thoughtful, self-aware people untangle patterns like people pleasing, self-doubt and over-responsibility, so they can build healthier boundaries and more authentic relationships. She's the author of How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents, and now lives in Malaysia with her two young children, working with clients and audiences around the world. In this episode, Sian and I talk about what emotionally immature parenting actually looks like, even in a childhood where all the practical boxes were ticked. We explore why feeling unseen can leave a lasting impact, how undiagnosed neurodivergence in a parent's generation often went unnamed and unsupported, and why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when it comes to healing. Sian also shares the foundations of emotionally mature parenting, and how small, consistent changes, like simply asking a child how they feel, can start to break old patterns without anyone needing to be perfect. In this episode, we cover: What emotionally immature parenting really looks like, even in a "good enough" childhood The difference between big T and little T trauma How undiagnosed neurodivergence in parents shapes the way love and connection are shown Parentification, and what it means when a child becomes their parent's emotional support Why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when healing childhood trauma The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths about a parent at once Why childhood memories can feel fragmented after emotional neglect Breaking generational cycles without overcorrecting as a parent The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting: regulation, self-awareness, empathy and boundaries Why asking a child how something made them feel can change everything Timestamps: 00:00 - Welcome, and introducing Sian Crossley and her book 02:40 - What emotionally immature parenting actually looks like 05:03 - Why feeling unseen can matter more than what was provided practically 06:15 - Parentification and becoming a parent's emotional support 07:51 - Kate's own story: a late ADHD diagnosis and family patterns 11:34 - Where healing actually begins 14:48 - Why too much empathy for parents can get in the way of healing 17:16 - Breaking the cycle without overcorrecting as a parent 22:41 - Why fragmented childhood memories are so common 25:23 - Grief, acceptance and why forgiveness isn't the goal 34:03 - The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths 39:05 - The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting 45:04 - How to work with Sian 🌟 The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Live Event Audio Experience is here! My first-ever ADHD Women's Wellbeing Live event sold out, and now the full experience is available to you wherever you are, whenever it feels right. Alongside three neuro-affirming experts, we spent four hours exploring the questions that matter most to late-diagnosed women. Get lifetime access here! Inside the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Audio Experience, you'll find: Kate Moryoussef on post-diagnosis growth and her gentle framework for what comes next Dr Hannah Cullen on the neuroscience of ADHD and why your brain works the way it does Hannah Miller on reconnecting with purpose through a neurodivergent lens Adele Wimsett myth-busting on hormones, HRT, progesterone and perimenopause Understand yourself more deeply, feel less alone, and finally access the expert knowledge you deserve because every woman with ADHD deserves access to the knowledge, expertise and understanding that for too long hasn't been available to us. To get lifetime access for £44, click here. Links and Resources: Find my popular ADHD workshops and resources on my website [here]. Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod Visit Sian's website: breakthecyclecoaching.co.uk Connect with Sian on Instagram: @sianmorgancrossley Check out Sian's book, How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents Start a free trial of Sian's membership here Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity. With thanks to our Sponsor: This week's episode is sponsored by Elete, a simple way to support your hydration by adding essential electrolytes to the water you're already drinking. So many of us get completely absorbed in a task and forget to drink anything for hours, then wonder why we feel foggy or flat later in the day. Elete is sugar-free, with no artificial sweeteners or unnecessary additives, and it's trusted by health-conscious families, athletes and wellness professionals alike. Head to eletewater.co.uk and use the code WWP20 for an exclusive 20% listener discount. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices