1803 || identity shift first, take action second

It is really fucking hard to change your habits and your actions while believing everything you currently believe about yourself. It’s more effective in the long run to shift your ideas about your identity first, and allow the actions that align with that identity to support this identity shift. To live “like” the person you want to be, you first have to recognize your capability to do so. If I want to complete a marathon, I have to become the type of person that prioritizes running. If I want to learn to swim, I have to be someone who is willing to put on a bathing suit and get in the water. I can’t keep thinking of myself as some ineffective, incompetent failure if I don’t want to feel like an ineffective, incompetent failure. I have to start thinking of myself as capable, and competent, and effective; and I really have to do my best to believe it.

The more I am able to align myself with that identity, the easier it is to show up and do the things other people who identify the same way do. It’s easier to think of these new behaviors as a lifestyle choice. Not a habit you’re trying to do more of. If I say, I’m trying to eat less meat, it is less convincing to myself than when I say, I’m no longer eating meat. Or even more so, if I can call myself a vegetarian. When I leaned fully into the vegetarian identity, it was easier for me to know what choices did and didn’t fit with that.

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Episoder(1877)

1849 || you are what you avoid

You are not only what you consciously intend. You are also what you habitually avoid, deny, and disown. The shadow is not your enemy, and it is not your identity. It is the place where refused life ac...

10 Sep 10min

1848 || when intentions aren't enough

You're not broken, you're human. And being human is often difficult and contradictory work. Shadow work is grounded in deep internal reflection, not self-optimization. "Jung describes the shadow as co...

9 Sep 10min

1847 || being the "good guy" vs. becoming the villain

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8 Sep 10min

1847 || become the villain

One thing I appreciate about the villain archetype is the confidence it implies. Darth Vader isn’t gonna procrastinate because he is too tired or lacks the confidence to start. Bad guys don’t tend to ...

7 Sep 11min

1846 || integrate the shadows

We all love the idea of a redemption arc. We love the idea of hitting rock bottom and bouncing up and transforming into a confident, powerful badass permanently. As humans, we tend to see things in bl...

6 Sep 10min

1845 || rock bottom is part of the healing journey

Part of me wants to beat a bitch's ass and part of me wants to shut down completely. This conflict makes us feel bad for feeling bad. We have to learn how to integrate these conflicting feelings. Ment...

5 Sep 9min

1844 || the healing journey

The healing journey is not linear and it exists in many forms. The healing journey outlined by the Buddhist Library is:HURT. FEAR OR ANGER. FEAR AND ANGER GIVE RISE TO CONFLICTS. LOSS OF LOVE FOR S...

4 Sep 11min

1843 || the hero vs heroine's journey

Note: When I speak of women vs. men in this context I don’t do it to reinforce the binary. I don’t believe in the binary, but because we grew up and now exist in a society that reinforces the binary a...

3 Sep 10min