Rerelease | Joanne & The Pain of Loving an Abusive Mother

In this rerelease episode of Narcissist Apocalypse, Joanne shares the pain of growing up with a gaslighting and abusive mother while still desperately wanting her love. Joanne’s mother made kindness feel transactional, blamed Joanne for her emotions and health, denied and rewrote abusive incidents, involved others in their conflicts, and repeatedly made Joanne’s accomplishments, grief, and trauma about herself. As Joanne got older, the physical abuse, intimidation, guilt, and manipulation became harder to ignore, but recognizing the abuse did not erase the love she still felt for her mother.

Recorded across two conversations four years apart, Joanne’s story also explores what happened after she created distance and established firm boundaries. Low contact gave Joanne space to build a healthier life, and over time, she and her mother slowly began repairing their relationship. After her mother’s death, Joanne found herself grieving both the mother she lost and the relationship they were only beginning to rebuild. Her story shows how complicated it can be to love, miss, and mourn a parent who also caused deep harm.

It's a story of intergenerational trauma, transactional love, gaslighting, physical abuse, sexual abuse, intimidation, gaslighting, grief, manipulation, low contact, death of a parent, toxic and narcissistic mothers, emotional abuse, fear, obligation, family scapegoating, smear campaigns, blame shifting, denial and minimization, fake apologies, enmeshment, family isolation, setting boundaries with family, narcissistic abuse, and breaking generational cycles.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of physical abuse and a graphic description of childhood sexual abuse.

If you are in search of therapy from professionals dedicated to dealing with TRAUMA - Narcissist Apocalypse recommends REBOUND THERAPY and they can be reached at  hellorebound.com/na

Click if you want to be a guest on our survivor story podcast, please send us an email at narcissistapocalypse@pm.me

Click on the title to read about Coercive Control as Care: Signs & Patterns

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