Why Women Are Running on Empty and How Saying No Can Change Everything

Summary:

Are you exhausted from carrying the invisible burdens of household and emotional labor without recognition? In this episode, Heather England dives deep into the societal expectations placed on women, the true cost of mental load, and practical steps to reclaim your agency and voice.

Key Topics:

• The origins of the mental load and how it’s patterned from childhood experiences
• The list of invisible tasks women manage daily—from household chores to emotional labor
• The impact of the mental load on women’s physical and emotional health
• Why helping is not enough; emphasizing ownership and responsibility in partnerships
• The project management perspective as a tool for sharing responsibilities
• The importance of saying "no" and outsourcing tasks that drain your energy
• How societal expectations shape women’s roles before they even realize it
• The significance of having honest conversations with your partner about responsibility
• Practical steps for women to start using their voice and set boundaries
• The ongoing need for women to prioritize themselves without guilt or apology

Connect with Dr. Heather England:

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Substack (A Midlife Reckoning)
• Workshops
• Resource Page
• Submit a Podcast Topic

Resources

The Piggy Book by Anthony Brown

Time Stamps

00:00 - Introduction to the unchosen hats women wear and mental load

00:16 - Heather’s background and the purpose of the episode

00:46 - The societal role model observed in the 70s and its lasting effects

1:13 - Personal story of growing up with the same expectations

2:09 - The societal expectations and invisible chores women carry

3:07 - Specific responsibilities women often manage daily

4:03 - How the mental load costs women more than just effort

4:33 - Challenging the perception of help versus ownership

5:00 - The project management analogy for household responsibilities

5:57 - The invisibility of women’s work and societal denial

6:26 - Exhaustion and its effects on intimacy and desire

7:25 - The fatigue as a bandwidth issue, not a libido problem

8:23 - The importance of mental and emotional space for intimacy

9:15 - Introduction to "The Piggy Book" as a metaphor for shared responsibilities

10:10 - How women need to reclaim time for themselves

11:09 - Having honest conversations with partners about responsibility

12:36 - Starting small: saying no and outsourcing tasks

13:31 - Personal example of outsourcing household chores

14:01 - Reclaiming agency and the importance of unapologetic self-prioritization

14:37 - The message of deserving more and creating boundaries

15:21 - Final encouragement for women to use their voice loudly

15:48 - Subscription, sharing, and connecting

16:14 - Disclaimer on medical advice and encouragement to seek professional help

Note: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be therapy or medical advice.