Stop Chasing Chemistry: How to Date Smarter, Know Your Worth & Choose Alignment with Jena Jake

What if the relationship you keep chasing isn’t actually aligned with who you are—but instead feels familiar because it mirrors an old pattern?

In this episode of the Wise Divine Women Podcast, Dana Irvine sits down with Jena Jake, compatibility strategist, former marital therapist, personality assessment expert, and creator of the Love Smarter approach.

Jena shares how her own divorce, career transition, and season of profound personal loss led her back to the work she loves most: helping women understand themselves, recognize relationship patterns, establish stronger boundaries, and choose relationships from a place of wholeness rather than fear.

The conversation explores why chemistry alone is not enough to build a healthy relationship, especially when attraction can sometimes be connected to patterns formed much earlier in life.

Jena introduces her PAWS Method, a powerful self-inquiry tool designed to help women pause before reacting or attaching and ask whether they are choosing from an old wound or from true alignment.

She also shares why women need to stop asking, “Does he like me?” and start asking, “Do I like him? Is this relationship actually right for me?”

The PAWS Method

Jena encourages women to pause and ask:

P — Person or Pattern: Is this truly my person, or am I repeating an old pattern?

A — Attachment or Alignment: Am I attracted because this feels familiar, or because this person is genuinely aligned with who I am today?

W — Wound or Wholeness: Is a wound being activated, or am I responding from a place of wholeness?

S — Standard & Serving: Is this relationship meeting my standards? Is this serving my ego and fear, or my soul and possibilities?

A Powerful Reminder

One of Jena's most important messages is that you are the love you're looking for.

A relationship isn't meant to create your worth, validation, identity, or ability to feel loved. The deeper work is learning to cultivate those things within yourself—and then allowing the right relationship to reflect that love back to you.

As Jena reminds us:

It's not about getting someone. It's about being someone.

Connect with Jena Jake

Website: JenaJake.com
Instagram & TikTok: @jena.jake

Look for Jena's upcoming book, Ask Him This, exploring the questions women can ask to better understand who they're dating—while also turning the mirror inward and understanding themselves.

Ready to Better Understand Your Own Body?

For support with hormones, metabolism, breast health, digestion, stress, and whole-body wellness, visit DanaIrvine.com and book a Health Clarity Call.

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Jena Jake, compatibility strategist, dating after divorce, dating after 40, dating after 50, relationship compatibility, dating coach for women, relationship patterns, attachment patterns, people pleasing, self abandonment, self love, self trust, healthy relationships, relationship boundaries, dating non negotiables, relationship red flags, relationship green flags, emotional compatibility, dating strategy, midlife dating, women and relationships, dating in midlife, finding love after divorce, PAWS Method, personality assessment relationships, emotional healing, Wise Divine Women Podcast, Dana Irvine