S3 E5 - Holiday Chaos Creation VS. Kids, On-Camera Confidence, and Birthday Joy

[Audio Diary recorded 11.26.25]

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In this episode, I navigate the chaos of holiday season with young kids while trying to maintain creative momentum on "The One That Glitters" series. I share my breakthrough experience seeing "Predator Badlands" and finally getting a kid-free night with Ian, which reignited my creative fire.

The episode chronicles my struggle with on-camera confidence, my transition from stunt content to more personal storytelling about the series, and my 44th birthday reflections on reclaiming joy and setting boundaries. I discuss the challenge of accepting unfollows as I pivot my content, the algorithmic struggles of reposting content, and my journey from last year's surrender to this year's "balls out" pursuit of my dreams after a health scare gave me my "whiff of death" moment.

• The parenting-creativity balance: I discuss how having young kids makes it nearly impossible to think creatively during holiday chaos, but also how becoming a parent made creative work feel like a vacation rather than an obligation when I finally get time for it

• Overcoming on-camera discomfort: I'm working through my struggle with talking on camera as "myself" versus as a character, realizing I need to get clear on what I stand for—just like I do for characters—before I can be comfortable being seen

• The danger of demure people-pleasing: I got positive reinforcement for years by being "very humble and demure and invisible" in Hollywood, which led to years of crankiness and losing myself—now I'm done with that martyrdom

• My "whiff of death" turning point: Last January's health scare (possible vasculitis diagnosis) became my story structure catalyst moment—the thing that made me decide to battle "all these voices in my head saying you're not good enough"

• Strategic content pivoting: I'm intentionally transitioning from pure stunt content to talking head videos about "The One That Glitters," accepting that some followers will leave but trusting that the right audience will stay and grow

• Algorithm realities and birthday vulnerability: My birthday car hit post got zero views because Instagram recognized it as duplicate content, which forced me to practice being uncomfortable with "failure" and asking for birthday love despite cringing internally

• Practicing boundaries like swimming lessons: In the pool I set graceful, loving boundaries after 20 years of practice, but in my personal life my boundaries are still "barbed wirey and full of snaggle teeth" because I'm new at it and insecure they'll be respected

• Finding your natural joy on camera: I discovered that the only talking head videos I don't cringe at are ones where I'm discussing stunts with natural excitement—now I'm working to transfer that joyful ease onto other topics like the series

• The long climb back from being dimmed: After someone close to me said "you need to read your own book" as a dig during my swim book tour, I crumbled for 5-6 years—now Ian jokingly said the same thing but this time it's positive because I actually am excited to read my own work