She Lost Both Parents Before 30 — Then Turned Grief Into Purpose

Before she turned 30, Tara Accardo lost both of her parents to cancer within six months of each other. An only child who had always considered her parents her “North Stars,” Tara suddenly found herself navigating a world without the two people she would have turned to when everything fell apart. Her mother’s illness introduced her to anticipatory grief before she even had a name for it, and while she was still reeling from that loss, her father’s health began to decline. Then, less than a year after his death, Tara lost Princess, the beloved dog she’d had since childhood. In the span of a year and a half, the family and sense of home she had always known were gone.

In this conversation, Tara and Heather talk about compound grief, the loneliness of losing your parents young, and the strange process of figuring out who you are after loss fundamentally changes you. Tara shares how giving herself grace helped her begin to rebuild, eventually leading her to create Losses Become Gains, become a certified grief coach, and launch the Life With Grief podcast. They also explore the complicated idea that something meaningful can grow from devastating loss without suggesting the loss itself was somehow worth it, why grief can make the small stuff feel a whole lot smaller, and how community can help us feel seen when the people around us simply don’t understand. Tara also shares the story behind Letters of Light, her monthly snail-mail project offering fellow grievers a tangible reminder that they aren’t alone. It’s an honest conversation about the person you were before loss, the person you become afterward, and learning to make room for both.

Resources & Ways to Connect

• Losses Become Gains: https://lossesbecomegains.com/

• Jake’s Help from Heaven Website: http://jakeshelpfromheaven.org/

• Jake’s Help from Heaven Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jakeshelp

• Jake’s Help from Heaven Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jakeshelp

• APOY Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aplaceofyespodcast

• Heather’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heathersstraughter

• Our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@aplaceofyespodcast

• For more of Heather’s writing and thoughts: https://ohheather.substack.com/

• Everything’s Jakey (Substack): https://everythingsjakey.substack.com/