Resisting What You Don’t Want To Feel Just Makes It Worse. Here’s A Different Strategy. | Ofosu Jones-Quartey and Cara Lai

On March 19th of last year, Dean Valoras' life changed forever. That is the day he lost his teenage daughter Alexandra to suicide. Alexandra was an intelligent, successful, highly-motivated high school student. Externally she appeared happy and excited for the future, but that did not match how she felt internally. Alexandra kept secret journals where she wrote about feeling like a failure. In this episode, Dean shares the story of Alexandra in hopes of helping others and he discusses his meditation practice and other tools he’s using to help him move forward. Suicide Prevention Resources: http://www.bethe1to.com/ If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or worried about a friend or loved one help is available. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 [TALK], or text TALK to 741-741 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org - for free confidential emotional support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Even if it feels like it – you are not alone. If a person says they are considering suicide: Take the person seriously Stay with them Help them remove lethal means Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Text TALK to 741741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free, 24/7 Escort them to mental health services or an emergency room Plug Zone Dean Valoras Blog: https://rocktherisingblue.wordpress.com/ CBS Sunday Morning Special: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-lost-girls-diary-alexandra-valoras/ Ten Percent Happier Meditation Joseph Goldstein's Self Compassion: https://10percenthappier.app.link/rl7xRtFOiX ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

31 Jul 20191h 18min

Human beings are wired for social connection. Sadly, thanks in large part to the internet, mobile phones and social media, we are seeing an increase in social isolation. Zen teacher and psychotherapist Koshin Paley Ellison refers to this diminishing of social interaction and intimacy with other individuals as Zombieland. In our conversation, and in his book "Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up," he hopes to help others rediscover their values and discover a way to truly live life to the fullest. Plug Zone Web: https://zencare.org/ Books: Wholehearted: https://www.amazon.com/Wholehearted-Slow-Down-Help-Wake/dp/1614295255/ref=sr_1_1?crid=KDFHIQH761J0&keywords=wholehearted+slow+down%2C+help+out%2C+wake+up+by+koshin+paley+ellison&qid=1563975290&s=gateway&sprefix=wholehearted%2Caps%2C127&sr=8-1 Awake at the Bedside: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1614291195/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1 Zencare Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/zencare-podcasts/id369948549 Instagram: @koshinpaleyellison Twitter: @koshinpaley Facebook: @koshinpaley ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

24 Jul 20191h 30min

We all encounter stress, but what we sometimes overlook is that stress can be useful, it is, after all, built into us by evolution. Our guest this week teaches how to distinguish between good and bad stress and how to make it work for us. Modupe Akinola is Associate Professor of Management at Columbia Business School where she conducts research on how certain environments can induce stress and how this stress can impact performance both positively and negatively. It was her own emotional stressors which led her to explore meditation. Quickly recognizing its benefits, Akinola took the plunge and traveled to India to further her practice. Modupe talks about her meditation journey, embracing emotions, unconscious bias and details her research dealing with police officers and bias and the link between depression and creativity. Plug Zone Website: https://www.modupeakinola.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/modupe-akinola-5300b735 Twitter: @ProfAkinola Ten Percent Happier Resources: The new Stress Better course with Modupe Akinola Web: https://www.tenpercent.com/stress App: https://10percenthappier.app.link/stress-better-sms ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

17 Jul 20191h 43min

If there was such a thing as a mind-ectomy or a mind transplant, our guest this week, Sylvia Boorstein, tells us she would have had it, confiding, "I need a mind that doesn't make up worries about something that didn't even happen yet." She calls herself "a life-long worrier, an inveterate fretter." Yet this very same person is an accomplished author, psychotherapist, Buddhist teacher, co-founding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center and a senior teacher at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts. Years ago, on her first meditation retreat, she received news that her father had been diagnosed with a form of cancer. She remembers feeling devastated, but not hysterical or overwhelmed. It was in that moment she realized how meditation had prepared her to deal with life's challenges differently. Through her captivating story-telling, Boorstein explains how she has achieved “poise of mind” and is able to manage life more gracefully. Plug Zone Website: http://www.sylviaboorstein.com/ About: http://www.sylviaboorstein.com/about Books: http://www.sylviaboorstein.com/books ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

10 Jul 20191h 12min

An athlete as a kid, a devastating sports injury would change James Clear's life forever. While a sophomore in high school, a baseball bat struck Clear in the face, resulting in massive head trauma. He would need to relearn very basic skills to function as himself again. Bit by bit, he started forming small habits which over time resulted in big changes. Today, he is the author of Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. Plug Zone About: https://jamesclear.com/ Book: https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

3 Jul 20191h 23min

Most kids are not spending their time in solitude exploring the abilities of the mind. In that way, Narayan Liebenson was not like most kids. Fascinated with the mind since a young age, she has led a life studying meditation in different traditions. Her training over the past forty years includes study with meditation masters in the Theravada, Zen, and Tibetan traditions. In 1985, Liebenson co-founded the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, which describes itself as "an urban refuge and teaching center for all who seek inner peace through the liberating practice of Insight Meditation." She is also the author of the recently released book, "The Magnanimous Heart: Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and Liberation." In it, and in our discussion, she describes how to move from the "constant squeeze" of suffering to a direct experience of what she calls "enough-ness." We also discuss how that concept relates to the Buddhist teaching of "Hungry ghosts," creatures with huge stomachs and tiny mouths, who always remain hungry. Plug Zone New Book "The Magnanimous Heart: Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and Liberation" https://www.amazon.com/Magnanimous-Heart-Compassion-Grief-Liberation/dp/1614294852 Cambridge Insight Meditation Center: https://cambridgeinsight.org/about/teachers/ To donate to the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center: https://cambridgeinsight.org/generosity/unrestricted-gift-dana/ Ten Percent Happier Meditation – Oren Jay Sofer's Practicing Kindness: https://10percenthappier.app.link/3nu2IRiOiX ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

26 Jun 20191h 31min

Jerry Colonna is the CEO and co-founder of Reboot.io, an executive coaching and leadership development firm committed to the notion that better humans make better leaders. For nearly 20 years, he has used the knowledge gained as an investor, executive, and board member for more than 100 organizations to help entrepreneurs and others lead with humanity, resilience, and equanimity. Colonna is a certified professional coach, who draws on a wide variety of experiences to help clients design a more conscious life and make needed changes to improve their performance and satisfaction. Plug Zone Company: https://www.reboot.io/ Book: Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up: https://www.rebootbyjerry.com/ Event at the Rubin Museum with Dan Harris & Jerry Colonna 7/10 https://rubinmuseum.org/events/event/jerry-colonna-dan-harris-07-10-2019 Twitter: @jerrycolonna Ten Percent Happier Meditation - Sharon Salzberg's Dressing Up The Inner Critic: https://10percenthappier.app.link/2sFkPUVNiX ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

19 Jun 20191h 12min

Chris Ruane has been a member of the British Parliament for more than 20 years. As a meditation and mindfulness practitioner, he wanted to share the benefits of these practices with his colleagues in government. In 2013, he set up free mindfulness classes in the UK Parliament. Since then, more than 150 British Members of Parliament and peers have received mindfulness training, along with 250 members of their staff. Jamie Bristow serves as Director of The Mindfulness Initiative, which was founded in 2013 to support British politicians in forming the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Mindfulness (MAPPG), a cross party group dedicated to developing public policy on mindfulness in health, education, criminal justice and the workplace. Ruane and Bristow have joined forces to bring mindfulness techniques to legislators around the world, hoping it will lead to more thoughtful decision-making and constructive dialogues between opposing political parties. Plug Zone Chris Ruane Bio: http://oxfordmindfulness.org/people/chris-ruane/ Chris Ruane Email Address: ruanec@parliament.uk Chris Ruane Twitter: https://twitter.com/Chris_RuaneMP Jamie Bristow Twitter: https://twitter.com/jamiebristow The Mindfulness Initiative: https://www.themindfulnessinitiative.org/ Ten Percent Happier Meditation - Jeff Warren's Training the Mind: https://10percenthappier.app.link/Sx7HisBOiX ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326

12 Jun 20191h 8min