YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton28 Feb 2022

Say This, Not That: Autistic Partner Communication

Autistic partner communication, neurodiverse relationship conflict, de-escalation. Learn soft startups and simple phrase swaps so your partner can actually hear you—without repeat fights. Clara joins Jodi to unpack why harsh openings trigger fight/flight (and shut down logic), how to use a respectful Pause (often 20–30 minutes), and the scripts that turn interrogation into curiosity: “I’d like to understand…”, “I’m curious about…” Listen in for words you can use tonight!

What You'll Learn

Why “Why didn’t you…/Always/Never/You’re wrong” spikes defenses
Soft startup scripts that lower cortisol and invite dialogue
The Pause: a fast reset when emotions surge
Noticing fight/flight (including interoception gaps for autistic partners)
How to change what you control—without changing who you are

Try it now — phrase swaps:

Instead of “Why didn’t you…?” → “I’d like to understand…”
Instead of “You never/always…” → “I notice X. Could we try Y?”
Instead of “You’re wrong.” → “I see it differently—here’s my view.”

Key Moments

00:00 Welcome & who this is for

00:30 Soft vs. harsh startups (with Clara)

04:05 Fight/flight: why harsh openings fail

08:59 Phrase swaps that invite connection

12:05 The Pause (20–30 min reset)

19:22 Change what you can control

33:34 Soft startup scripts that work

Resources Mentioned

Book a consultation with Jodi
Crack the Communication Code program → No longer offered
Check out Jodi's self-paced courses
Be a guest on the podcast → Email info@jodicarlton.com

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