064 - Dr. Ingrid Clayton on Fawning: How People-Pleasing Became Survival & How to Break Free

In this powerful episode of The Gaslight Effect Podcast, Dr. Robin Stern sits down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton, a clinical psychologist, author, and expert on narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. With a Master's in transpersonal psychology and a PhD in clinical psychology, Dr. Clayton takes a holistic approach to psychotherapy, incorporating trauma-informed modalities like Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, and other experiential methods for working with the nervous system.

Dr. Clayton shares insights from her groundbreaking book Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma, shedding light on how gaslighting erodes self-trust, the profound impact of narcissistic abuse, and why traditional therapy often falls short for survivors. She discusses her relational approach to therapy—built on the belief that a therapist can't take clients further than she's willing to go herself—bringing her whole self into the work through personal experience, intuition, and education.

She also offers a preview of her upcoming book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, set for release in 2025. In this new work, Dr. Clayton explores the fawning trauma response—how people-pleasing develops as a survival mechanism in abusive relationships, why it keeps survivors trapped in toxic cycles, and how to break free to reclaim a true sense of self.

Together, they explore:

• The difference between narcissistic abuse and other forms of trauma
• How gaslighting rewires the nervous system and disrupts identity
• The importance of experiential healing modalities like Somatic Experiencing and EMDR
• How self-validation and relational healing empower survivors to reclaim their lives
• What fawning is, how it develops, and steps to overcome it

This deep and validating conversation offers both understanding and practical tools for anyone looking to heal from toxic relationships and step into their truth.

To read the full transcript of this episode, head over to robinstern.com.

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Dr. Robin Stern's Books:

The Gaslight Effect

The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide

Emotional Intelligence for School Leaders

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