The ADHD Channel for Women27 Feb 2025

The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships | Sorry, I Missed This

A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.

Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach.

Related resources

The MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)
ADHD and: Shame
ADHD and emotions

Timestamps

(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits

(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made

(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily

(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not

(15:51) The element of repair

(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement

(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things

(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake

(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of advice

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Denne episoden er hentet fra en åpen RSS-feed og er ikke publisert av Podme. Den kan derfor inneholde annonser.

Episoder(188)

I’ve never felt like a good woman: ADHD and femininity | Sorry, I Missed This

In this episode, a complex conversation about ADHD, femininity, gender, and why talking about the hard stuff is important.Cate sits down with Rae Jacobson, host of Understood.org’s Hyperfocus podcast,...

10 Sep 30min

ADHD and autism: Do I have AuDHD?

If you’ve been seeing AuDHD everywhere online and wondering if it might describe you, you’ve come to the right place. What does it actually mean to have both ADHD and autism? Dr. J breaks down where t...

8 Sep 10min

The brain is the last frontier of privacy. And you’re the target. | Hyperfocus

Your smartwatch tracks your steps and your pulse. Soon, devices like it could track your brainwaves, and even tell if the wearer is neurodivergent. Brain-monitoring wearables that purport to help with...

3 Sep 23min

An Emmy winner’s trick for ADHD idea overload (Live show!) | Sorry, I Missed This

We recorded our first-ever live show in front of a studio audience! Emmy Award–winning writer, director, and producer Adam Reid, co-creator of “Tiny Chef,” joined Cate to talk about ADHD creativity: w...

27 Aug 27min

ADHD and justice sensitivity

Why do small unfairnesses hit some people so much harder? Dr. J breaks down justice sensitivity: The intense reaction to perceived wrongdoing that’s especially common in ADHD and AuDHD brains. Learn a...

25 Aug 12min

Is your ADHD brain fog actually CDS? | Hyperfocus

Many people with inattentive ADHD feel like something is missing from their diagnosis. That missing piece might be cognitive disengagement syndrome, or CDS: a cluster of symptoms including daydreaming...

20 Aug 22min

Your ADHD brain loves a good argument. Here’s why that’s a problem.

Ever notice your ADHD brain gets a little too excited during an argument? Like you’re not even mad anymore, you’re just... having a really good time being right? Yeah. There’s a reason for that, and i...

13 Aug 20min

ADHD and living up to potential

“You’re not living up to your potential.” If those words have haunted you, you’re not alone — and the story you’ve been telling yourself about why might be wrong. Dr. J breaks down two patterns she se...

11 Aug 11min