22: How to Say No With ADHD When People-Pleasing Feels Like Survival

22: How to Say No With ADHD When People-Pleasing Feels Like Survival

If you say yes before the question is finished, then spend the evening resenting it, this episode names what's underneath. ADHD people-pleasing is often the fawn response, a survival-mode reaction to feeling unsafe that has nothing to do with being nice, and once you see it that way, saying no gets a lot less terrifying. This is for the ADHDer who struggles with boundaries and takes on far more than they have room for.

I talk about where fawn fits alongside fight, flight, and freeze, why ADHD dysregulation produces choices that make no sense once you step back, and what a boundary is when it asks nothing of anyone else. I also cover how to say no with a go-to sentence that buys you time, and why nervous system regulation lifts your executive functioning and eases ADHD symptoms.

00:00 - What Is the Fawn Response in ADHD

01:03 - People-Pleasing vs. Survival Mode Explained

09:32 - True Boundaries: What They Are and Aren't

11:03 - Fawn Response: Self-Preservation vs. Genuine Kindness

11:44 - Step 1: Slow Down Before Saying Yes

Check out the show notes and other resources at https://jennafree.com/blog/adhd-people-pleasing-how-to-say-no

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Episoder(80)

79: 4 Reasons Behind ADHD People Pleasing

79: 4 Reasons Behind ADHD People Pleasing

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78: How to Regulate with ADHD When Tips and Tricks Don't Work

78: How to Regulate with ADHD When Tips and Tricks Don't Work

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76: 3 Reasons to Set Your ADHD Diagnosis Aside

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75: Scarcity Mindset in ADHD: Why Nothing Feels Like Enough

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73: 3 Mistakes in ADHD Therapy That Stall Progress

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You've been seeing an ADHD therapist for months, and something's off, or you're the clinician sensing your ADHD clients aren't getting where they hoped to go. Either seat you're sitting in, the patter...

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72: Interrupt ADHD and Perfectionism Patterns for More Freedom

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You spend three weeks fussing with a work project that was technically done two weeks ago. A two-line email took 40 minutes because you rewrote it 4 times. You can't start the errand list until you've...

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