484: The Real Reasons Successful Women Struggle with Intimacy with Sex Therapists Vanessa & Xander

For so many high-achieving women, intimacy becomes the one area of life that feels stuck, overwhelming, or even like another thing on the to-do list. In this episode, we’re diving into why with licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin (featured in The New York Times, Oprah, and more) and her husband and co-host Xander Marin. Together, they break down the hidden pressures, perfectionism, and cultural myths that block successful women from experiencing the intimacy they actually want. From navigating the mental load and shifting gender roles to rebuilding desire after dry spells or postpartum, this conversation is equal parts practical and refreshing. Vanessa and Xander share simple tools you can start using right away, like transition rituals, the “Get Intimate” method, and reframing foreplay - so intimacy feels less like work and more like connection. Whether you’re in a season of burnout, carrying the breadwinner role, or just craving more closeness, this episode will help you feel seen and give you realistic steps to reignite your relationship. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Why successful women struggle with intimacy more than you think 02:45 - The hidden role of perfectionism and pressure in the bedroom 06:30 - Transition rituals that shift you out of “go mode” into connection 11:55 - How changing gender roles and breadwinner dynamics impact intimacy 19:40 - Mental load, resentment, and why it kills desire 28:15 - The “Get Intimate” method: gratitude, eye contact, and touch 33:50 - Why desire is overrated + what to focus on instead 38:35 - Rethinking foreplay: starting long before the bedroom 49:10 - Breaking dry spells and postpartum “sexual inertia” 55:25 - Is there a ‘normal’ frequency couples should be having sex? 01:01:10 - Practical tools for better quality, more connected intimacy RESOURCES + LINKS Explore Vanessa And Xander’s Membership Deeper → Get 3 Months For Just $97 With This Link. Join The Société: Build Your Freedom-Based Business™ With Systems, Templates, Coaching + Community. Just $97/Month. Imagine Having Natalie As Your CMO, On Call 24/7 To Help You Make The Right Moves In Your Business. That’s Exactly What You Get With Bossbabe AI The Freedom Engine™: AI-Powered Strategy And Systems That Show You What To Sell, How To Sell It, And How To Scale - Without All The Guesswork. Learn More And Unlock It Here. Sign Up For Our Free Weekly Newsletter & Get Insights From Natalie Every Single Week On All Things Strategy, Motherhood, Business Growth + More. Drop Us A Review On The Podcast + Send Us A Screenshot & We’ll Send You Natalie’s 7-Figure Operating System Completely FREE (value $1,997).