Resisting What You Don’t Want To Feel Just Makes It Worse. Here’s A Different Strategy. | Ofosu Jones-Quartey and Cara Lai

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. Our guest this week is Alicia Menendez, an award-winning journalist, who finds herself in a common position for many women: caring way too much about what others think of her. Be nice, but not too nice. Be successful, but not too successful. Just be likable, whatever that means. In the workplace strong women are often criticized for being cold, while warm women may be seen as pushovers. In her book, The Likeability Trap, and in this conversation, she discusses this issue and explains how and why both men and women should combat it. In this conversation, we talk about:  The aforementioned likability trap The structural imbalance in feedback for women and men in the workplace The things for men to consider as they engage with women in the workplace Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/alicia-menendez-212

23 Mai 20221h 5min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Sometimes part of healing trauma means learning how to be human.  This episode is the last episode of our Mental Health Reboot series to mark Mental Health Awareness Month. Dr. Jacob Ham, who was introduced in Stephanie Foo’s episode earlier this week, helped Stephanie through her case of complex PTSD and discusses how to live with the hardest things that have happened to you.  Dr. Ham is the Director of the Center for Child Trauma and Resilience and Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. He sees children, youth, adults, and families across the age range and for a variety of issues.  In this episode we talk about:  What Dr. Ham says may be the “most important thing he’s discovered” as a therapist Why he shuts down his clients’ attempts to intellectualize their experiences Kairos versus kronos  Why Dr. Ham says the Incredible Hulk is so important to him The concept of mentalization What it means to love exquisitely And whether or not we have to learn to love ourselves before we can learn to love others Content Warning: Explicit language. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jacob-ham-453

18 Mai 20221h 8min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- We’ve all had difficult, and sometimes horrible things happen to us.  While some people may be luckier than others, it’s rare that anyone goes unscathed. This episode is part of our Mental Health Reboot series to mark Mental Health Awareness Month.  In this episode, Stephanie Foo shares her story of being diagnosed with complex PTSD and how she learned to process her trauma and live with her past. The result of her journey is a new book called What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma.  Stephanie Foo is a journalist and radio producer. Her previous work includes This American Life, The Cut, Reply All, and 99% Invisible. Her writing has been featured in The New York Times and Vox.  In this conversation we talk about:  The various therapies, meditation styles, and wellness modalities Stephanie explored to help process her trauma What actually worked for her, and how it might be relevant to other survivors Shame, gratitude, and self-love Her transformative work with Dr. Jacob Ham, who will be featured in another episode this week.  Content Warnings: Discussions of trauma and abuse, references to addiction and mental health challenges. Explicit language.  Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/stephanie-foo-452

16 Mai 202249min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- Very few of us will live a life without loss.  As part of our Mental Health Reboot series in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, this week’s episodes talk a lot about grieving. Mary-Frances O’Connor, an expert in bereavement research, explores the science of how we grieve and experience loss, whether it’s a job or a loved one.  Mary-Frances O'Connor is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona, where she is also the Director of Clinical Training. And she is the author of a book called The Grieving Brain. In this episode we talk about:  The distinction between grief and grieving How her Buddhist practice has influenced her understanding of grief Whether or not we can ever quote/unquote “get over it” Why she argues for “a really big toolkit of coping strategies”  How to understand the work of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross today What grieving looks like in a pandemic What to say to people who are grieving The new diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder Content Warning: Brief mention of suicide.  Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/mary-frances-oconnor-450

11 Mai 20221h 6min

How do you find hope in a lifetime that has experienced more trauma than most?  Guest Jonathan Van Ness says that the key is to stay curious and focus on happiness and joy, even if it’s just in a tiny corner. Jonathan Van Ness is a hairstylist by trade and best known as one of the hosts of the Netflix series Queer Eye. He is also the author of Love That Story and the New York Times bestselling memoir Over the Top, and the host of the podcast Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness.  In this episode we talk about:  The universality of processing grief What a “window of tolerance” means  Getting curious about shame Body dysmorphia JVN’s complex and contradictory feelings about shopping What “parts therapy” or Internal Family Systems therapy is Setting boundaries Connecting and cultivating joy  Content Warning: Explicit language and mentions of sexual abuse, substance amuse, body dysmorphia, and references to sex. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jonathan-van-ness-447

9 Mai 202244min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- There is an unstoppable flow of gain and loss within our lives.  Processing this flow helps us to develop equanimity. In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winner and New Yorker staff writer Kathryn Schulz discusses her new book Lost and Found: A Memoir, in which she explores experiencing both a huge loss anda huge gain, and how to live in a world where both happiness and pain commingle.  In this episode we talk about:  How humans experience grief A gift you can give to the grieving Why she loves the clichés that remind us to enjoy the moment Her broad understanding of the term “loss” Why the key word in ‘lost and found’ is “and”  What she’s learned about compromising in relationships Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kathryn-schulz-449

9 Mai 202259min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- How does hope work?  In this episode from the archives, Rutgers University clinical psychologist Dr. Jacqueline Mattis discusses hope from a scientific perspective and how we can cultivate it.  Dr. Mattis, who is also a Dean of faculty at Rutgers, did not start her career wanting to study hope. She started out studying spirituality and religiosity, specifically concentrating her field work and interviews in African-American and Afri-Caribbean urban communities. She wanted to know why people living under high stress conditions so often choose to be good and compassionate. And that research ultimately led her to hope. In this episode we talk about:  How her family history influenced her relationship to optimism and faith  The difference between spirituality and religiosity  The benefits of hope and skills to cultivate it The ways hope can go wrong And the benefits of denial Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jacqueline-mattis-340-repost

4 Mai 20221h 9min

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. --- If you’re trying to improve your sleep, thinking about doing so right before you get into bed might not be the best approach.  Dr. Sara Mednick, is a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of California, Irvine, and the author of the new book The Power of the Downstate. This episode is part of our month-long “Mental Health Reboot” series to mark Mental Health Awareness Month.  According to her research, Dr. Mednick says that we need to take a more holistic approach to getting better sleep, and that sleep is just one of the ways that our bodies rest and restore.   In this conversation, we talk about: The nuances of napping Dr. Mednick’s definition of the “downstate” Whether there are practices that can compensate for poor sleep Why heart rate variability is an important measurement of health Why sex is so helpful for sleep And when to take melatonin to best effect Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sara-mednick-445

27 Apr 202252min