How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.


Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.


This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.


In this episode we talk about:

  • Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
  • The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory”
  • The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness
  • Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
  • What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
  • How to reframe social rejection
  • The importance of generosity
  • How to handle conflict with your friends
  • The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
  • When to walk away from a relationship
  • How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
  • How to deal with social anxiety
  • And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends



Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marisa-g-franco-561

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Dan Ryckert

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Claire Hoffman

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Author and journalist Claire Hoffman has been practicing Transcendental Meditation since she was 3 years old. When she was 5, she and her family moved to a secluded meditation community in Fairfield, Iowa -- Maharishi's national headquarters for Heaven and Earth. In her new memoir, "Greetings from Utopia Park: Surviving a Transcendent Childhood," Hoffman describes what it was like to grow up in a place where people aspired to follow all of Maharishi's principles, what happened after she began to question them, and how she feels about her spiritual upbringing now as an adult.

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World-renowned chef Mario Batali has 28 restaurants, 10 cookbooks, a daytime cooking show, a food emporium in New York City, and now plans for a food theme park. He also -- somehow -- finds time to keep a daily meditation routine. Batali says he started practicing mantra-based Transcendental Meditation (TM) six years ago after Jerry Seinfeld and his wife, Jessica, suggested he look into it. Batali said he now practices twice a day for 20 minutes, and that it's helped calm his temper.

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