Are You a Grudge Holder or a Revenge Seeker? Here’s How It’s Hurting You – And How To Get Over It | James Kimmel, Jr.

Are You a Grudge Holder or a Revenge Seeker? Here’s How It’s Hurting You – And How To Get Over It | James Kimmel, Jr.

The psychology and neuroscience of revenge.

James Kimmel, Jr. is a lecturer in psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine, an expert on revenge, a lawyer, and the founder and co-director of the Yale Collaborative for Motive Control Studies. He is the creator of The Nonjustice System, the Miracle Court app, and SavingCain.org for recovering from grievances and revenge desires and preventing mass violence. His most recent book is The Science of Revenge: Understanding the World’s Deadliest Addiction—and How to Overcome It.



In this episode we talk about:

  • The horrific and violent bullying he endured as a child—which provoked his interest in the subject of revenge
  • The connection between revenge and addiction
  • Our evolutionary programming for revenge
  • Practical strategies for when you feel wronged
  • How to seek justice without revenge
  • An antidote to revenge cravings
  • And much more



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Get ready for another Meditation Party at Omega Institute! This in-person workshop brings together Dan with his friends and meditation teachers, Sebene Selassie, Jeff Warren, and for the first time, Ofosu Jones-Quartey. The event runs October 24th-26th. Sign up and learn more here!



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Episoder(928)

Lewis Howes, Former Pro-Athlete on Removing 'Mask of Masculinity'

Lewis Howes, Former Pro-Athlete on Removing 'Mask of Masculinity'

As a former pro-football player and two sport All-American, world-record holding athlete, Lewis Howes built his life around being the tough, "get back up and play" jock, and it took him a long time to learn how to shed "The Mask of Masculinity," to realize that stamping out emotion was causing him great suffering. The 34-year-old entrepreneur and best-selling author had a breakthrough a few years ago when he opened up for the first time about a horrific childhood trauma and now Howes shares inspiring stories from brilliant business minds, athletes and influential celebrities on his podcast, "The School of Greatness."

21 Mar 20181h 7min

Hansa Bergwall, Reminding Us That We Die So That We Live

Hansa Bergwall, Reminding Us That We Die So That We Live

The WeCroak app, which sends reminders that you're going to die -- five times a day, is not meant to be morbid, founder Hansa Bergwall said, but to make us stop and appreciate the moment we're living in. "Remembering that you're going to die is really important," said Bergwall, a publicist, writer and meditation teacher in Brooklyn, who was 11 years old when his mother died. "Sometimes that's all it takes to take a deep breath, change the program and do something different, feel something different."

14 Mar 201846min

Lt. Col. Jannell MacAulay, Teaching 'Mental Push-ups' in US Air Force

Lt. Col. Jannell MacAulay, Teaching 'Mental Push-ups' in US Air Force

Dr. Jannell MacAulay, a lieutenant colonel and flight instructor in the United States Air Force with over 3,000 flying hours as a combat veteran, sees mindfulness meditation as national security asset. A former commander of the 400-member joint 305th Operations Support Squadron, MacAulay teaches mindfulness to her fellow commanders and other Airmen in order to improve their leadership and mission-focused performance, as well as change the culture within a high-stress military organization.

7 Mar 201849min

Rhonda Magee, Law Professor Using Mindfulness to Defeat Bias

Rhonda Magee, Law Professor Using Mindfulness to Defeat Bias

"Part of what I have decided for myself - it's a decision - I don't want to be part of the pain, creating more pain in the world, for myself or for others," said Rhonda Magee, a law professor at University of San Francisco. "So it's that capacity with mindfulness to get a sense into ... what my own experience of feeling vulnerable, feeling afraid, what it does to me, how I start to look at the world through the lens of that ... now [I'm] at a place where I'm not reacting from a place of fear." A law professor for 20 years and a mindfulness teacher for lawyers and law students, Magee argues that mindfulness can be a solution to combating bias and discrimination.

28 Feb 20181h 5min

Brad Katsuyama, Wall Street Reformer

Brad Katsuyama, Wall Street Reformer

Brad Katsuyama's blood pressure levels were "out of control" and he decided to make a significant change in his life. The Canada native left his job at Royal Bank of Canada, began a regular meditation practice and started IEX, a stock exchange that took on predatory high-speed trading and was the subject of Michael Lewis' best-selling book, "Flash Boys: A Wall Street Revolt."

21 Feb 201859min

Bob Roth, Meditation Teacher to the Stars

Bob Roth, Meditation Teacher to the Stars

Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks and David Letterman are just some of the dozens of celebrities who sought out Bob Roth to learn Transcendental Meditation (TM), a mantra-focused meditation practice. Roth, who has been a meditation teacher for over 40 years and has a new book out called, "Strength in Stillness," talks about how he found TM and addresses the criticism and suspicions some former members have raised around TM.

14 Feb 20181h 4min

Susan Kaiser Greenland and Annaka Harris, Teaching Mindfulness to Kids

Susan Kaiser Greenland and Annaka Harris, Teaching Mindfulness to Kids

Susan Kaiser Greenland, an author and former corporate attorney, and Annaka Harris, an author and editor, work together to teach mindfulness meditation to children and their families through Greenland's Inner Kids Foundation. They offer advice for parents on introducing meditation to their kids and starting group sessions with other families, but they also share their views on the controversial topic of teaching meditation in schools and how they tackle concerns many parents have about teaching kids a practice that evolved from Eastern spiritual traditions.

7 Feb 201855min

Tim Ferriss, Host of 'The Tim Ferriss Show,' Author

Tim Ferriss, Host of 'The Tim Ferriss Show,' Author

Tim Ferriss, the host of "The Tim Ferriss Show" podcast and the author of several best-selling books, including "The 4-Hour Workweek" and "Tribe of Mentors," has built an entire empire around offering life-hacking advice, but when someone suggested he try meditation, he resisted for a while. He tried various forms, then eventually dove head first into doing a 10-day silent retreat, where he came face-to-face with a long-buried childhood trauma that made him re-evaluate how he cared for himself.

31 Jan 20181h 5min

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