The Science of Building Better Relationships | Marissa King

The Science of Building Better Relationships | Marissa King

The idea of networking can be fraught. For some people, it might, at times, seem either icky or pathetic to deliberately try to make friends, either in a personal or professional context -- especially since so many of us may be feeling a bit socially awkward anyway, after months of Covid restrictions. However, my guest today will argue that there are profound health benefits to building positive relationships, and she has advice about how to actually do it, based on neuroscience and psychology. Marissa King is a Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Yale School of Management, where she studies social networks, social influence, and team dynamics. She is also the author of a recently-released book, called Social Chemistry: Decoding the Patterns of Human Connection. In this conversation, we talk about: how your social networks impact your mental health; how, when it comes to social networks, quality and structure are more important than quantity; why you’re not as bad at being social as you may think; the importance of humor; how status and privilege play into networking; the benefits of calling up old friends you haven’t spoken to in a while; and she will ask you to consider whether you are a convener, a broker, or an expansionist. This is actually part two of a two-part series that we're running this week about the hard science and soft skills of social connection. If you missed it on Monday, we had an amazing interview with a researcher named Barbara Fredrickson from UNC Chapel Hill. She has a lot of fascinating things to say about what love actually is and takes a pretty broad view of the concept of love. You don't have to listen to that in order to understand this episode, but I think they work great in concert. One more item of business, and it is an invitation for you to participate in this show. In June, we’ll be launching a special series of podcast episodes focusing on anxiety, something I’m sure we’re all too familiar with. In this series, you’ll learn the mechanics of anxiety: how and why it shows up and what you may be doing to feed it. And this is where you come in. We’d love to hear from you with your questions about anxiety that experts will answer during our anxiety series on the podcast. So whether you’re struggling with social anxiety, anxiety about re-entering the world post-Covid, or have any other questions about anxiety - we want to hear from you. To submit a question or share a reflection call (646) 883-8326 and leave us a voicemail. If you’re outside the United States, you can email us a voice memo file in mp3 format to listener@tenpercent.com. The deadline for submissions is Wednesday, May 12th. And if you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, you can download it for free wherever you get your apps or by clicking here: https://www.tenpercent.com/?_branch_match_id=888540266380716858. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marissa-king-342

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Gretchen Rubin, 'The Four Tendencies'

Gretchen Rubin, 'The Four Tendencies'

In her new book, "The Four Tendencies," best-selling author and speaker Gretchen Rubin breaks down what she denotes as four different personality profiles -- Upholder, Questioner, Obligor and Rebel. Rubin, who is also the host of the popular podcast, "Happier with Gretchen Rubin," and calls herself an "Upholder," says "The Four Tendencies" help explain how we form or break habits, how we respond to "inner" expectations of ourselves, such as keeping a New Year's resolution, and how we meet "outer" expectations from others, such as making a work deadline.

13 Sep 20171h

Daniel Goleman, Dr. Richard Davidson, 'Altered Traits' (Bonus!)

Daniel Goleman, Dr. Richard Davidson, 'Altered Traits' (Bonus!)

Dan Goleman and Richie Davidson, both titans in their respective fields and best-selling authors, have co-written a new book out now entitled, "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body." Goleman, a renowned psychologist and science journalist, and Davidson, a prominent neuroscientist and founder of the Center for Healthy Minds, talk about their cutting-edge research in this new book, comparing brain activity of "Olympic level" meditators (such as monks) to meditation beginners and how mindfulness can be restorative for brain health.

8 Sep 20171h 11min

Justin von Bujdoss, Buddhist Chaplain at Rikers Island

Justin von Bujdoss, Buddhist Chaplain at Rikers Island

Justin von Bujdoss was working as a hospice chaplain in New York City, traveling all over the five boroughs and greater metropolitan area to visit patients, when he began volunteering at the city's notorious Rikers Island Jail. Von Bujdoss started out teaching meditation to groups of female inmates, but now he's the first ever staff chaplain for the city's Department of Corrections, providing spiritual and emotional support for officers, and he talks about seeing suffering on both sides of prison life.

6 Sep 201747min

Jaimal Yogis, A Surfer's Quest for Zen

Jaimal Yogis, A Surfer's Quest for Zen

Being out on a surfboard, when it's just you and the ocean, is "a meditative space," Jaimal Yogis said, "There's a certain amount of solitude that's just built into the experience." The longtime surfer and meditation teacher talks about his first memoir, "Saltwater Buddha," a coming-of-age story about running away at 16 and buying a one-way ticket to Maui to surf, joining a monastery and almost becoming a Zen monk and then launching a journalism career, and his second memoir, "All Our Waves Are Water," which is out now.

30 Aug 201744min

Robert Wright, 'Why Buddhism is True' (Bonus!)

Robert Wright, 'Why Buddhism is True' (Bonus!)

"Progress on the meditation path tends to involve moral progress. You tend to become a better person as well as a happier person... I personally think that you should not be allowed to call yourself enlightened if you're a jerk," said Robert Wright, a best-selling author with extensive knowledge on philosophy and religion. Wright, whose new book out now is titled, "Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment," offers his thoughts (and skepticism) on what it means to achieve true enlightenment and whether mindfulness meditation could change the world.

25 Aug 20171h 2min

LeAnn Rimes, Grammy-Winning Artist

LeAnn Rimes, Grammy-Winning Artist

LeAnn Rimes has been making a name for herself and her powerful voice since her early teens -- she's the youngest person ever to win a Grammy -- and the country music star's career includes writing books and appearing in TV series and movies, including the new film, "Logan Lucky." In our interview, Rimes opens up about another side of her life: How meditation has changed how she feels about herself and interacts with others.

23 Aug 201722min

Ethan Nichtern, 'The Dharma of The Princess Bride'

Ethan Nichtern, 'The Dharma of The Princess Bride'

"I don’t claim that ['The Princess Bride'] is a Buddhist story, but I do think it has some Buddhist elements," Ethan Nichtern said. "It's a deconstructed fairytale that's... really about trying to navigate relationships from this space of compassionately not knowing." Nichtern, a senior teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition, uses moments from the cult-classic movie in his upcoming book, "The Dharma of The Princess Bride," out Sept. 12, to illustrate his personal life -- he says his father's best friend is actor Christopher Guest, who plays the notorious "six-fingered man" -- and to discuss having compassion when figuring out relationships.

16 Aug 201759min

Moby and Google's Bill Duane at Wanderlust Hollywood (Live!)

Moby and Google's Bill Duane at Wanderlust Hollywood (Live!)

In the final installment from the "10% Happier" road trip, Dan Harris and meditation teacher Jeff Warren ended their cross-country tour at a Wanderlust Hollywood event in February, where they hosted a live discussion and Q&A with recording artist Moby and Bill Duane, the Superintendent of Well-Being at Google. The guys offered their advice on how to overcome meditation frustrations.

9 Aug 201748min

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