Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship15 Feb

#184 - Socially Connected, Emotionally Unsettled: The Friendship Paradox in Your 20s (Dr. Jeffrey Hall)

You can have friends. You can have plans. You can be socially active—and still feel emotionally unsettled. In this episode, Nina talks with Dr. Jeffrey Hall, professor and department chair of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas and director of the Relationships and Technology Lab, about what he calls the Loneliness and Connection Paradox: the experience of feeling socially connected and lonely at the same time. Dr. Hall, whose research on how long it takes to make close friends is widely cited (yes, the 200-hour study), shares new findings from the American Friendship Project exploring why this tension shows up most often during seasons of transition—especially in emerging adulthood (ages 18–30), but also during moves, career shifts, divorce, dating, kids leaving home, and other life changes. They discuss why loneliness isn’t always a red flag, how major life transitions disrupt our sense of social stability, why women may feel this ambivalence more intensely, and what it means to develop “ontological security”—that settled feeling when your life (and friendships) stop churning. They also touch on social media, generational narratives about loneliness, and new research suggesting that feeling connected today can actually increase your energy tomorrow. If friendships feel slower, shakier, or strangely unsatisfying—even though you have people in your life—this episode will give you a smarter frame for what’s happening. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

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Episoder(219)

#208 - Making Friends at Any Age Takes a Little Risk (Harlan Cohen)

Making friends at any age requires some willingness to put yourself out there—and to accept that not every invitation, effort, or friendship will go the way you hoped. New York Times bestselling auth...

23 Aug 40min

#207 - The Teen Friendship Habits We Bring Into Adulthood (Sheri Gazitt)

Friendship habits don’t necessarily disappear when we grow up. Nina talks with teen friendship expert Sheri Gazitt about the patterns that can follow us into adulthood, including how we handle exclusi...

16 Aug 29min

#206 - How Friendships Change When You Stop Drinking (Suzanne Warye)

What happens to your friendships when you stop drinking but your friends do not? Suzanne Warye, author of The Sober Shift and host of The Sober Mom Life, joins me to talk about socializing sober, chan...

9 Aug 33min

#205 - Get Offline and See Your Friends

Fresh off the five-year Dear Nina live event in Minneapolis, I found myself ready to step away from my computer and say yes to time with friends. In this short episode, I’m sharing a simple reminder t...

2 Aug 10min

#204 - "Go where the heat Is”: My Husband on Five Years of Friendship Advice

To mark five years of Dear Nina, I invited my husband, Bryan, who has listened to every episode and occasionally reminds me to follow my own advice. We talk about why so many friendship dilemmas come ...

26 Jul 28min

#203 - College Rankings Don't Predict Where You'll Belong (Alexis White)

College admissions counselor Alexis White joins me to explain why rankings and prestige cannot tell you where a student will actually thrive. We talk about school size, campus culture, Greek life, com...

19 Jul 46min

#202 - When Friends Make Plans Without You (Danielle Bayard Jackson)

We have all felt the sting of not being invited. In this replay episode, friendship educator Danielle Bayard Jackson joins Nina to talk about what it means—and does not always mean—when friends make p...

12 Jul 41min

#201 - A Softer Way to Think About Friendships That Faded (Rebecca Kotok)

Rebecca Kotok, one of my very best friends and one of Dear Nina’s most popular guests, returns for a conversation about the way approaching 50, grief, and life experience can soften how we think about...

5 Jul 30min