I Asked God to Kill Me… Or Save Me - 26 Years Sober and Unfiltered

I Asked God to Kill Me… Or Save Me - 26 Years Sober and Unfiltered

Mary’s story will shake you — and give you hope.From losing her mother at just four years old, to growing up in an orphanage, and facing childhood trauma and abuse from her father, to falling into the grip of alcohol and cocaine… Mary knows darkness. She’s felt the hopelessness of relapse, the shame of rock bottom, and the fight it takes to claw your way back.

Now, with 26 years of sobriety, Mary is living proof that you can build a life you don’t need to escape from. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, she reveals:

  • ​The exact moment she dropped to her knees and begged God to help her
  • ​Childhood trauma and abuse
  • ​The hard truth about why relapse happens — and how to prevent it
  • ​The fine line between enabling and truly supporting a loved one
  • ​Why service work might be the secret weapon to staying sober
  • ​The tools she still uses every single day to keep her peace

Whether you’re in recovery, love someone who is, or just need proof that change is possible — Mary’s story will hit you straight in the heart.

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Episoder(145)

10 Things Another Sober Summer Taught Me

10 Things Another Sober Summer Taught Me

Ten honest lessons from another sober summer — victimhood, relapse, isolation, service, and faith.Summer's over and I'm back to school for my counseling diploma, so this one is a reflection on getting...

10 Sep 26min

King Baby: The Ego Underneath Addiction

King Baby: The Ego Underneath Addiction

My real problem was never the drugs or alcohol. It was King Baby — the toddler ego running my life.In 2015, in treatment at Hazelden, I read a little pamphlet by Tom Cunningham called King Baby. It re...

8 Sep 16min

Anxiety in Sobriety: Why It Spikes and What Actually Helps

Anxiety in Sobriety: Why It Spikes and What Actually Helps

Nobody warns you sobriety can make anxiety louder, not quieter — here's why, and what actually helps.When you put down the drink or the drug, the anxiety you were medicating doesn't vanish. It gets un...

5 Sep 17min

The Habits That Got Me to 1 Year Sober

The Habits That Got Me to 1 Year Sober

Willpower won't keep you sober — it's a battery, and it drains. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony makes the case that year one isn't about white-knuckling, it's about building: cons...

3 Sep 15min

Perfectionism Is a Relapse Risk — Progress, Not Perfection

Perfectionism Is a Relapse Risk — Progress, Not Perfection

Perfectionism isn't a personality quirk — it's a documented relapse risk, and it doesn't switch off just because you got sober. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony unpacks how the sam...

1 Sep 21min

Trauma & Addiction: Gabor Maté & The Body Keeps the Score (An Honest Take)

Trauma & Addiction: Gabor Maté & The Body Keeps the Score (An Honest Take)

Why the pain, not why the addiction? An honest, peer look at the trauma model of recovery.This week it's a solo one. I sit with two thinkers who reshaped how we talk about addiction — Gabor Maté (In t...

29 Aug 10min

Surrender in Addiction vs in Recovery — Why Letting Go Isn't Giving Up

Surrender in Addiction vs in Recovery — Why Letting Go Isn't Giving Up

Surrender sounded like giving up — until it became the thing that finally let me stop losing.For years I thought surrender meant waving the white flag: defeat, quitting, rolling over. My ego hated it....

27 Aug 15min

The 12 Principles That Actually Keep You Sober

The 12 Principles That Actually Keep You Sober

Working the steps gets you sober. Living the principles keeps you there. All 12 — and why they hold.My mentor asks me one question: "How are you living today, Anthony?" It's easy to be a star in the r...

25 Aug 26min

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