03: What Turns You On?

Summary:

If you'd like to learn more about specific techniques to get turned on, I encourage you to visit a research-focused organization called OMGYES which focuses on presenting helpful information to enhance female sexual pleasure.

Women don’t typically have spontaneous sexual thoughts, and compared to men, they don’t have frequent sexual thoughts. That is why it’s hard for some women to get themselves turned on or even get in the mood for sex.

Communication is crucial in exploring more but how can you communicate what you want if you don’t know how to get yourselves turned on? Boost your self-awareness and confidence through the tips I will be discussing in relation to getting turned on, which is one of the most significant barriers to having great sex.

How do women get themselves turned on?

Many women think there's something wrong with them or that they're not interested in sex because they don't sit around having sexual thoughts, getting turned on and wanting to have sex just out of the blue. The truth, however, is that it’s normal and it’s just how women are wired.

As compared to men, women often get interested in sex once they start doing something sexual. Men have more frequent sexual thoughts and might also be more likely to externalize their sexual thoughts than women, which is why it is harder for women to get turned on.

This may or may not apply to you, but in the case of many women, connection in a relationship is important for them to get in the mood to have sex. Sometimes, this need to feel connected hinders women from getting turned on and eventually having great sex.

This connection goes beyond the physical aspects of sex and enhances the overall quality of the experience. If you’re someone who needs that connection with your partner to get turned on, build that connection and explore more of what you both want.

Stress and emotional well-being play a significant role in arousal. If we are anxious or uptight, oftentimes, we are not going to have the desire for sex considering that stress is a desire killer. It’s a smart move to find a way to have sex at a time that works for the both of you - when you are both well-rested. Always keep in mind that relaxation is equally important in feeling turned on.

Various fantasies also help some people get turned on and there’s nothing wrong with that. Incorporating fantasies can add a bit of excitement into your sexual experience. You don't have to tell your partner all of your fantasies, as these are more personal and private. It’s up to you if you want to share them with your partner to act them out and to explore more of your sexual desires.

Transitioning your brain to sex and indulging in erotica.

If you’re having a hard time getting yourself turned on, it would be best to figure out what your sexual interests are which might help you get turned on to have sex. This is what I refer to as transitioning your brain to sex.

Even as simple as setting up romantic candles or taking a relaxing bath, boost your mood for sex as you’re transitioned into a more relaxed state being surrounded by an intimate environment. You can also anticipate sex with your partner to get yourself more turned on.

For many women readers, they find romance novels filled with erotica sexually thrilling. This genre is popular especially now that there are audiobooks that they can listen to. Also, I want to emphasize that there are many ethical porn sites where the people that are engaging in the sexual acts are well paid and they are not taken advantage of.

How to get turned on by sex toys.

Sometimes, we just need a little help to boost our desires, which is why many women like using sex toys. Some use it as part of their foreplay to help them transition into feeling more aroused. These can help women achieve higher levels of pleasure, which can in turn boost desire and contribute to a more satisfying sexual experience.

There are many other ways to get turned on if sex toys are not for you. You can try doing some role play or dirty talk, if being playful with your partner is a turn on for you. Figure out what makes you feel desirable and confident.

Always keep in mind that if you can relax and enjoy sex, it does become more fun. Elevate the fun of intimacy and utilize these tips.

Connect with Dr. Heather England:

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• Workshops

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