A Conversation about Abuse, Agency, and Mindfulness | Tanya Selvaratnam

A Conversation about Abuse, Agency, and Mindfulness | Tanya Selvaratnam

Before we dive in, a warning: this conversation includes descriptions of abuse and violence. As you may know, March 8th, the day we’re dropping this episode, is International Women’s Day. We have a story today about intimate violence, which has long been a problem for women around the world, and has only intensified during the pandemic. My guest is Tanya Selvaratnam, a writer and artist who I’ve known socially for many, many years. I was truly shocked when Tanya’s name surfaced in the media three years ago, in connection with the case of Eric Schneiderman. Eric was the celebrated Attorney General of New York State. He was also a regular on the local meditation scene. I knew Eric and Tanya were dating. What I did not know was that, behind the scenes, Eric was allegedly physically and emotionally abusing Tanya. She has now come out with a book, called Assume Nothing, which goes into searing detail about not only the alleged abuse, but also about how she flipped the script, regained her agency, helped bring her alleged abuser down, and how she has healed subsequently -- in no small part through meditation and therapy. Please note: If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, you can find resources curated by Tanya at the “full shownotes” link below. We’d also like to provide more context about the allegations Tanya shares in this interview: When the allegations of abuse against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman by Tanya and three other women were first made public in The New Yorker in May 2018, Schneiderman quickly resigned. In a statement at the time, he said, “serious allegations, which I strongly contest, have been made against me.” He also said, “While these allegations are unrelated to my professional conduct or the operations of the office, they will effectively prevent me from leading the office’s work at this critical time. I therefore resign my office.” After a six-month investigation, prosecutors declined to bring criminal charges against Schneiderman, citing legal impediments, including statutes of limitations. But the district attorney assigned to the case by Governor Andrew Cuomo also said that she “believed the women who shared their experiences” with investigators. In response, Schneiderman said, "I recognize that District Attorney Singas' decision not to prosecute does not mean I have done nothing wrong. I accept full responsibility for my conduct in my relationships with my accusers, and for the impact it had on them." I should also note that our team reached out to Eric Schneiderman and that he declined to comment for this episode. Two more items: First, remember to check out “In Plain Sight: Lady Bird Johnson,” a new podcast from ABC News, on Apple Podcasts (https://apple.co/ladybird), Spotify (https://spoti.fi/3ukYgoq), or wherever you’re listening now. Finally, we are looking for a podcast marketer at Ten Percent Happier. If you love this show, marketing, and building relationships, we would love to have you on the team to help us grow Ten Percent Happier and our future shows. Please apply at https://www.tenpercent.com/careers. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/tanya-selvaratnam-328

Episoder(908)

Ezra Klein, How We Interact with Politics Matters

Ezra Klein, How We Interact with Politics Matters

Vox's editor-at-large and journalist Ezra Klein, formerly of The Washington Post, has made a name for himself as a political commentator, finding context within the chaos of our political scene and exploring the idea of what a political system would look like if created amidst tribalism. Klein, who hosts the popular podcast, "The Ezra Klein Show," also argues in our interview that it's important to take a step back from social media - Twitter, Facebook, SnapChat and others - and be mindful enough to ask if these things we are obsessed with checking are good for us.

18 Apr 20181h 24min

Janice Marturano, How to Be a Better Boss

Janice Marturano, How to Be a Better Boss

Janice Marturano was a vice president at General Mills working on the Pillsbury merger deal in 2000 when she lost both her parents, and began a regular meditation practice as a way to soothe stress at work and in her personal life. Noticing the relief a daily practice brought her, and wanting to lead by example, she sought out a way to introduce mindfulness to her coworkers, and by the time she left General Mills to start the Institute for Mindful Leadership, she said more than 700 employees had completed mindfulness leadership training.

11 Apr 20181h 14min

Daniel Pink, 'When' Can Make a Big Difference

Daniel Pink, 'When' Can Make a Big Difference

"All of us in our lives make decisions about when to do things. 'When should I work out? When should I do this kind of work, when should I do that kind of work? When should I start a project, when should I abandon a project?' ... and the best time of day to do something depends on what that something is," said Daniel Pink, a New York Times bestselling author whose new book is called "When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing." Pink, who was trained as a lawyer and now runs his own company as an organizational management expert, argues that doing certain tasks either during the "peak, trough or recovery" periods of our energy levels, can be more effective, whether it's when to hold a meeting to get the best ideas or when to exercise to get a fulfilling workout.

4 Apr 20181h 7min

Andrea Petersen, Untangling from Anxiety

Andrea Petersen, Untangling from Anxiety

When author and Wall Street Journal reporter Andrea Petersen was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at age 20, she was relieved to finally have a name for the thing that had controlled most of her life to the point where she feared walking up a flight of stairs or standing in line at the store. But understanding and overcoming her anxieties was a different odyssey, one she describes in "On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety," a memoir she was inspired to write after interviewing college students about their mental health struggles.

28 Mar 201857min

Lewis Howes, Former Pro-Athlete on Removing 'Mask of Masculinity'

Lewis Howes, Former Pro-Athlete on Removing 'Mask of Masculinity'

As a former pro-football player and two sport All-American, world-record holding athlete, Lewis Howes built his life around being the tough, "get back up and play" jock, and it took him a long time to learn how to shed "The Mask of Masculinity," to realize that stamping out emotion was causing him great suffering. The 34-year-old entrepreneur and best-selling author had a breakthrough a few years ago when he opened up for the first time about a horrific childhood trauma and now Howes shares inspiring stories from brilliant business minds, athletes and influential celebrities on his podcast, "The School of Greatness."

21 Mar 20181h 7min

Hansa Bergwall, Reminding Us That We Die So That We Live

Hansa Bergwall, Reminding Us That We Die So That We Live

The WeCroak app, which sends reminders that you're going to die -- five times a day, is not meant to be morbid, founder Hansa Bergwall said, but to make us stop and appreciate the moment we're living in. "Remembering that you're going to die is really important," said Bergwall, a publicist, writer and meditation teacher in Brooklyn, who was 11 years old when his mother died. "Sometimes that's all it takes to take a deep breath, change the program and do something different, feel something different."

14 Mar 201846min

Lt. Col. Jannell MacAulay, Teaching 'Mental Push-ups' in US Air Force

Lt. Col. Jannell MacAulay, Teaching 'Mental Push-ups' in US Air Force

Dr. Jannell MacAulay, a lieutenant colonel and flight instructor in the United States Air Force with over 3,000 flying hours as a combat veteran, sees mindfulness meditation as national security asset. A former commander of the 400-member joint 305th Operations Support Squadron, MacAulay teaches mindfulness to her fellow commanders and other Airmen in order to improve their leadership and mission-focused performance, as well as change the culture within a high-stress military organization.

7 Mar 201849min

Rhonda Magee, Law Professor Using Mindfulness to Defeat Bias

Rhonda Magee, Law Professor Using Mindfulness to Defeat Bias

"Part of what I have decided for myself - it's a decision - I don't want to be part of the pain, creating more pain in the world, for myself or for others," said Rhonda Magee, a law professor at University of San Francisco. "So it's that capacity with mindfulness to get a sense into ... what my own experience of feeling vulnerable, feeling afraid, what it does to me, how I start to look at the world through the lens of that ... now [I'm] at a place where I'm not reacting from a place of fear." A law professor for 20 years and a mindfulness teacher for lawyers and law students, Magee argues that mindfulness can be a solution to combating bias and discrimination.

28 Feb 20181h 5min

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