The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Mar

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Episoder(2678)

Tuesday, Oct. 24, 2017

Tuesday, Oct. 24, 2017

Wendy Cleland-Hamnett, a former Environmental Protection Agency official, fought for years to protect American consumers from toxic chemicals found in everyday products. Nancy B. Beck, a scientist who worked for the chemical industry, saw these efforts as overregulation by the federal government. This is the story of the E.P.A. under President Trump, as told by the shifting powers of two women. Guests: Eric Lipton, a Washington-based correspondent for The Times; Ms. Hamnett, who was the top E.P.A. official overseeing pesticides and toxic chemicals until last month. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

24 Okt 201723min

Monday, Oct. 23, 2017

Monday, Oct. 23, 2017

“It’s horrible what I went through, horrible what my family went through,” Bill O’Reilly said of the sexual harassment allegations that cost him his job at Fox News. Mr. O’Reilly spoke on the record to two of our reporters, Emily Steel and Michael S. Schmidt, addressing the latest reporting on a $32 million settlement he reached with a longtime network analyst. Guests: Emily Steel, a business reporter for The New York Times; Michael S. Schmidt, a Washington correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

23 Okt 201722min

Friday, Oct. 20, 2017

Friday, Oct. 20, 2017

Foreign Service officers often serve for decades, carrying their knowledge and relationships from one administration to the next. But in just a few months, a new boss has fired or driven out many of the country’s most experienced diplomats. We look at the state of the State Department under Rex Tillerson. Guests: Jason Zengerle, a contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, who interviewed Mr. Tillerson for one of our other podcasts, “The New Washington”; Nancy McEldowney, a former Foreign Service officer. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

20 Okt 201725min

Thursday, Oct. 19, 2017

Thursday, Oct. 19, 2017

Its de facto capital is falling. Its territory has shriveled to a handful of outposts. Its surviving leaders are on the run, and its fighters are surrendering. Is the Islamic State losing its war, or starting a new one? Guests: Rod Nordland, The Times’s bureau chief in Kabul, Afghanistan; Rukmini Callimachi, who covers terrorism and the Islamic State. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

19 Okt 201721min

Wednesday, Oct. 18, 2017

Wednesday, Oct. 18, 2017

Shannon Mulcahy’s job at an Indiana steel plant moved to Mexico. Donald Trump vowed to keep factory jobs inside the United States. We discuss how the president’s promise of “America First” has met the realities of American manufacturing. Guests: Farah Stockman, a national correspondent for The New York Times; Shannon Mulcahy, a former factory worker. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

18 Okt 201736min

Tuesday, Oct. 17, 2017

Tuesday, Oct. 17, 2017

As a candidate for president, Donald J. Trump called Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl a “dirty rotten traitor” for walking off his base in Afghanistan in 2009, and said,”I don’t want him. Maybe we can send him back.” On Monday, with President Trump now commander in chief, Sergeant Bergdahl pleaded guilty to desertion and to endangering the American troops sent to search for him. An Army judge will determine his punishment. Guests: Matthew Rosenberg, who covers intelligence and national security for The Times; Richard A. Oppel Jr., the Times reporter covering the trial. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

17 Okt 201723min

Monday, Oct. 16, 2017

Monday, Oct. 16, 2017

President Trump has disavowed the Iran nuclear deal, and he has threatened to leave it altogether if Congress does not amend it to permanently block Tehran from building nuclear weapons. Today, a top negotiator in the Obama administration talks about how the deal was reached and what it feels like to watch Mr. Trump threaten to undo it. Guests: Jake Sullivan, a negotiator for the Iran deal; Peter Baker, chief White House correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

16 Okt 201718min

Friday, Oct. 13, 2017

Friday, Oct. 13, 2017

“I’m not quitting today. I don’t believe — and I just talked to the president — I don’t think I’m being fired today,” John F. Kelly, President Trump’s chief of staff, said at a surprise news conference. Hours later, President Trump unexpectedly released a statement aiming at destabilizing Obamacare. And a survivor from the Rohingya, one of the most persecuted ethnic groups in the world, told one of our correspondents her story. Guests: Glenn Thrush, a White House correspondent for The Times; Jeffrey Gettleman, The Times’s South Asia bureau chief. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

13 Okt 201724min

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