The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Mar

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Episoder(2656)

Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017

Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017

Are 11 million people suddenly facing deportation? What we know and don’t know about the Trump administration’s new plan for undocumented immigrants. Guests: Michael D. Shear, a White House reporter at The New York Times, and Caitlin Dickerson, a national reporter who writes about immigration; Sheriff Mark Napier of Pima County, Ariz. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lc3H5e. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

22 Feb 201720min

Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2017

Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2017

Who are the 500 private citizens with unprecedented access to President Trump on the weekends? And what is the “deep state”? Guests: Scott Shane, who has covered national security and the U.S. intelligence community for The Times for decades, and Nicholas Confessore and Maggie Haberman, who unmasked the secret list of Mar-a-Lago members. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lEWRbt. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

21 Feb 201720min

Friday, Feb. 17, 2017

Friday, Feb. 17, 2017

President Trump’s sprawling surprise news conference and the view from Russia. Guests: Jim Rutenberg, the media columnist for The New York Times; Neil MacFarquhar, The Times’s Moscow bureau chief. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2m6gM0O. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

17 Feb 201718min

Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017

Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017

President Trump says peace in the Middle East does not require a two-state deal. What we know and what we don’t about the Trump campaign’s communication with Russia. And why did Republicans turn on Andrew Puzder? Guests: Mark Mazzetti; Alan Rappeport. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2m1BDRS. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

16 Feb 201717min

Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2017

Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2017

From fateful call to resignation, the 47-day fall of President Trump’s national security adviser, Michael T. Flynn. We tell the whole story. Guest: Matthew Rosenberg, a national security reporter for The New York Times who has known Mr. Flynn for years. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2l7w8ls. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

15 Feb 201717min

Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2017

Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2017

America and the Middle East in the Trump administration: deep, personal ties and an emerging plan for peace. Guests: Jodi Kantor, a reporter for The New York Times; Amanda Taub and Max Fisher, who write The Times’ Interpreter column. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2kFDqvC. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

14 Feb 201720min

Monday, Feb. 13, 2017

Monday, Feb. 13, 2017

Where did Stephen Miller come from, and how will his views on immigration influence the presidency? Also, farmers torn between support for President Trump and fear that he might deport their employees. Guests: Glenn Thrush, White House correspondent for The New York Times; Caitlin Dickerson, a reporter for The Times; and Jeff Marchini, a radicchio farmer in California. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2kiWbsF. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

13 Feb 201720min

Friday, Feb. 10, 2017

Friday, Feb. 10, 2017

Is President Trump’s travel ban headed to the Supreme Court? Did the boy in the photograph make it to America? Plus: your stories about living through history. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

10 Feb 201720min

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