Episode 373: Solo Episode: What True Crime Gets Right About Abuse, and What It Gets Dangerously Wrong

Worst ex ever. The monster next door. The case nobody saw coming. That's how true crime frames these stories, as something extraordinary and shocking. But for a lot of women who have lived inside coercive control, domestic violence, emotional abuse, or post-separation abuse, these stories are anything but unbelievable. They're horrifying and devastating, but they are not unfamiliar. And that is the problem. In this episode, I want you to understand why true crime can be both validating and dangerous.

True crime can be validating because, when it's done well, it helps people recognize patterns they didn't have language for. It can give families and friends a vocabulary for what they're seeing. But I also want to put a lens on the dangerous side, because when these stories get sensationalized, when they're approached as "the worst ex ever," they keep us fixed on the dramatic ending instead of the ordinary warning signs that came before it. Women can't afford for the world to only understand danger after the worst has already happened.

I watch true crime all the time. Dateline, 20/20, 48 Hours, whatever limited series Netflix wants to serve me. So I'm not coming to this episode from some morally superior place. I watch it too. But I refuse to accept the idea that these cases are just shocking anomalies, because they're not. They are the most extreme outcomes of dynamics that women are navigating every single day in less visible forms.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

• The truth about how we handle violence against women: we require catastrophe before we grant a woman any credibility

• How true crime, done well, becomes pattern recognition that helps women name danger before the rest of the world is willing to call it danger

• What Gabby Petito's story shows us about the distressed woman and the calm, composed man, and how systems keep misreading who the real aggressor is

• Why the "worst ex ever" phrasing is a trap

• The connection between domestic abuse and public violence, and why the Secret Service is starting to name it misogynistic extremism

• What responsible storytelling actually requires: naming the patterns by educating, not sensationalizing

Resources & Links:

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Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
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Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
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Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

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